


Hideaway

by orphan_account



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Assault, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-03-16 09:27:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 57,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3483041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU based on characters and events from the Hunger Games Trilogy-is it canon or not? Probably not. Starts at the end of cabin fever by atetheredmind. Katniss and Peeta had disliked each other for years due to a misunderstanding, but after being stranded together they get smutty. Just prior to the beginning of my story, Johanna had found them sleeping under a blanket together on the lounge floor. I take it on from there to the end of mockingjay through my alternate universe.This is smut at the beginning but less so in later chapters when I found I actually had a story to tell as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [titania522](https://archiveofourown.org/users/titania522/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Cabin Fever](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2953874) by [atetheredmind (s_e_irvine)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_e_irvine/pseuds/atetheredmind). 



> Inspired by Cabin Fever by atetheredmind, you really need to read that first, before this. I pictured Katniss and Peeta hidden away "cave like" under the covers, and this is what developed.

It felt safe under the blanket, cocooned away from sight, next to Peeta’s warm body. He wriggled down next to me, pulling the cover up over our heads. He was still fuzzy, crumpled up from sleep, and just looked at me, his brain not yet connected enough to speak.  
“Perhaps we can stay in here,” I commented sarcastically, “I don’t think anyone will notice”. Half of me wished this could be true. The thought of having to come out and face Johanna’s inevitable probing into my private life made me feel nauseous.  
Peeta smiled, “it reminds me of building dens with my brothers when we were kids,” he paused, to kiss me softly on the shoulder, “ it’s fun to have a secret place to play.” My body relished the feeling of being touched by him, but this immediately put my mind back into confusion; how had he managed to get under my defences so quickly?  
“We’d better get up” I snapped. But where should I go? Johanna was settling herself into my room. As if reading my mind, Peeta scooped me up, still under the blanket, and carried me into the bathroom.  
Now I was back on safe emotional ground, angry with Peeta, that’s the way it should be. “What do you think you are you doing?” I growled, wanting to shout, but also aware that Johanna might hear. “I just thought you might want a shower, I will go and clear our clothes out the lounge; O.K. Sweetheart?” He really was infuriating with his self assurance and superior manners. How come he always seemed to know what to do, when I was a mess of contradictions? I set the shower running and got under the water, immediately feeling the tension release from the warm jets on my body. There was a quiet knock at the door and Peeta came in with a clean towel and my clothes.  
"I’ll leave you to sort yourself out then.”  
I opened the shower, “Do you want to come in with me?” No wonder other people found me hard to read, sometimes I surprised myself, but it seemed I was functioning on pure instinct when he was around. It was easier than thinking about it anyway. “O.K.” he said sounding a little dubious.  
The bottom line was, I just preferred being with him to being on my own right now; and that was as far as I was going to go with analysing the relationship. Back to working on instinct. I looked at the water rolling down his shoulders and chest.  
“Can I wash you?”  
I spoke quietly. He nodded staring at me intently. I started with his hands, soaping them with gentle strokes, feeling the sturdiness of his fingers as I entwined them with mine. I moved my attention to his arms, his toned muscles hard under my hands as I ran the bubbles of foam up and over his shoulders. I turned him around and started to lather up his back working down towards his firm backside. It felt so intimate and I moved in closer to study the texture of his skin, I could see faint scratch marks I had left on him last night. He turned to face me. “Maybe I can wash you too?” I gave my assent with a smile, liking the uncertainty in his voice; at last I was in charge. He started as I had, rubbing soap over my fingers and hands, then arms. He raised them up above my head , stretching me out, and ran his hands down the insides of my arms, down and along the sides of my chest, first with his palms, then the backs of his hands. I could feel his breath changing as he studied my body. But even as he came to my breasts, he didn’t make a move, just continued to rub me over with the soap suds, letting the shower wash them away. I washed his chest and abs, gradually working my way down to his thighs, but became shy as I saw he was growing hard. Considering how we had spent last night, I knew this was ridiculous and I scowled again as I felt I was losing my upper hand. But Peeta didn’t seem to know there was any competition here, he lifted my face with his forefinger and softly kissed my lips. “That was the most enjoyable shower I have had in a long time,” he murmured.  
I was so turned on by this man, the way he touched me had every nerve ending on alert. I noticed Johanna had already put her bath robe on the back of the door. “I wonder…” I mumbled as, to Peeta’s surprise, I left the shower and searched in her pocket. Yes, trust Johanna to always be prepared, there was a condom. I held it up as I looked at him with my best effort at a flirty glance. Ugh , this really wasn’t me today.  
He strode over to me and once again we were kissing, mouths and tongues exploring and tasting. His hands returned to caressing my body as I unwrapped the condom and rolled it over him, biting my lip with anticipation. He took me by the thighs and edged me up so I was perched on the counter leaning back onto the mirror, his hips fitting between my legs. We were both still damp from the shower and my skin shivered. He cupped my breasts and ran his thumbs across my nipples; our breathless mouths open against each other. His right hand ghosted over my taut abdomen, continuing down between my legs. He expertly stroked me, starting to satisfy my lust as his other hand pulled on my nipple. I moaned, my hips responding with a life of their own. He ran his fingers down, delving inside my moist folds, circling my entrance. I rocked into him, willing him to enter, but instead he moved his hand out along my inner thigh, holding me firmly, his fingertips leaving small bruises, keeping me wide open so I ached for him to fill me. I took him, guiding him into me as he echoed my moans. I pushed against him as he moved his hand round to support my hips and back, kissing my neck and breasts. Slowly at first he moved inside me, not fully penetrating, teasing my entrance, causing my need for him to grow, I was aching to have him deep inside me now, but was not going to be accused of begging again. He was going to teach me patience. He lent forward and licked my lips and then thrust himself into my core, making me cry out with pleasure. He was unleashed, reaching the place inside me that felt so good, pressing into it, again and again and again, until I felt like I couldn’t take any more, but didn’t want it to ever stop. His eyes were dark with lust as they met mine, and he kept right on driving into me as the waves of orgasm rolled over me. My position on the counter felt so precarious, the feeling of being about to fall only heightening my sensations. I had lost control to him, and in that moment it felt as though my life was in his hands. With a cry of my name, he came, juddering into me and then held me close in his arms so that our heart beats pounded next to each other, lovers.  
Once again we were struggling to speak coherently, He disposed of the condom, and all we could do was smile. A bang on the door brought my real life shattering through the hazy postcoital bliss. “Your stuff’s in Peeta’s room; it’s not just the two of you here now, so can you keep the fucking out of communal areas!”  
Sensing it was time I was given some space, Peeta left me to go dress himself and find some food for us. I spent the next twenty minutes or so alternating between grinning stupidly and scowling at myself for grinning stupidly, whilst putting on yesterday’s clothes. Somehow sharing Peeta’s room seemed to be moving a bit too fast. I still needed to think about this at some point.  
Eventually I sloped out into the kitchen, where Johanna was laughing unnaturally loudly at something Peeta had said. Immediately my hackles were up, Johanna and I were old friends, which meant I knew her too well to trust her. “So, you got in there first with lover boy” she teased. “Katniss always knew I had a plan for your …big… arms…,” she squeezed Peeta’s bicep suggestively and ran her eyes up over his crotch, still managing to catch my eye, taunting me. She was loving winding me up. “Oh really!?” replied Peeta, playing along, like the asshole I knew he was. I didn’t have to put up with this, so I picked up an orange and removed myself, back out into the lounge. Peeta soon followed and handed me a mug of hot chocolate, too warm and inviting to turn down. He sat on the floor next to my legs, and I felt the spark between us. I was aching and a little sore, unused to the amount of action he had given me over the last 12 hours. The urge to just reach out and touch his hair assaulted me, but I knew these feelings weren’t for public display. No, as far as Johanna could know, this had been a drunken holiday fling. I was still Katniss Everdeen, queen of self-reliance, too cool for commitment. “I should probably make the most of the break in the weather and get some food supplies” I said, yearning to free myself from this strange new feeling of dependence. “I’ll come along, if that’s Ok with you”, Peeta replied, “We’re running low on one or two things already.” “Oh, O.K. then” I faltered, “Johanna”, I called through to the kitchen, “we’re going to go out and hunt down some supplies, are you coming?” She leaned round the kitchen door to look at us, “mmm,” she contemplated, “nah, threesomes have never really worked out right for me, but you two have fun”. She paused, “I tell you what, bring me back some beers and your secret will be safe with me”. I knew my body must have visibly relaxed at this. Despite her nasty exterior Johanna would always stand by her sisters. She knew that having the rest of our friends watching my personal life like a soap opera would be more than I could stand. “Oh, Katniss”, Johanna added turning back to the kitchen, “Don’t forget to stock back up on condoms,” she cackled, unable to resist a chance to make me squirm.  
We set off in my car to the nearest store, following the icy tyre tracks left by Johanna’s arrival. It was bitterly cold and the promise of further snow was still in the air. I shifted some text books off the passenger seat to make room for Peeta. “Holiday reading?” he enquired. “They’re my kid sister’s, she’s the brains in our family.” Happily for me he had chanced on my favourite topic, my sister Prim, soon to be Dr. Everdeen, and I chatted on about her like a proud mother, distracted from any discomfort there may have been at finding myself in this strange universe where Peeta Mellark and I had swung from a position of intense mutual distrust to being intent on banging each others brains out. Peeta turned out to be a really good listener, appearing genuinely interested -though I still wasn’t prepared to let my guard down, maybe this was his game play.  
“So if Prim’s the brains, what’s your talent? Aside from the obvious?” he added raising his eyebrows suggestively. I looked across at him sharply, my cheeks glowing. “Look Mellark, you should know that I blame you entirely for this. I don’t normally go round hooking up with guys I have hardly spoken to. And don’t expect much from any relationship with me, I don’t really do the whole girlfriend thing”.  
“I am sensing some history here Katniss, you had your fingers burnt?”  
“Not really, “ I sighed, why I was telling him this stuff, I didn’t know, it really was ancient history, it didn’t have anything to do with the woman I was now, so maybe telling him, like it didn’t matter anyway, would help me move on. “I had a boyfriend, Dale, we met at College. He was my best friend really, someone I could always rely on to be there for me. We moved in together after college. Everyone kind of assumed we were bound for life, though maybe that wasn't really what I wanted. Then one day I came home early and found him in bed with another man. What really hurt was, after 3 years you think you really know someone, and it turned out I hadn’t got a clue. You think you know what's going on in someone else's head, but really you never have any idea. After that we said we would stay friends, but I just couldn’t trust him anymore.”  
“Maybe he hadn’t felt ready to own up to being attracted to men until he found the right person,” said Peeta, being irritatingly fair. “Sometimes the most unexpected person can just crawl their way in…” he looked at me meaningfully with his piercing blue eyes. Something moved in my chest and I quickly looked away and concentrated on the road. It was too quiet now. I turned on the radio and sang along until we reached the town.  
The road outside the store was a sheet of ice so I parked a way down the street, where I hoped it would be easier to pull out again when we'd finished. As I got out of the car, I slipped on the ice and Peeta grabbed my hand to steady me. Instinctively, I pulled away but he wouldn’t let go. “It’s ok Katniss, just because we hold hands in public doesn’t mean we have to get married,” he teased. His hand was large and firm around mine, and I realised I had missed the feel of him touching me, so I entangled my fingers with his (just for warmth of course) and decided there was no shame in holding on to his muscular arm as well if it would help keep me upright.  
The shop was small with limited stock, but we managed to find what we needed. Without thinking any more about it, I had continued to hold Peeta’s hand as we browsed the shelves. We paused as we came to the pharmacy aisle. Peeta picked up a packet of condoms, "Always best to be protected" he quipped, and I was glad he was ok with being direct about this. Whatever front I was trying to put on for the rest of the world, there was such a strong physical attraction between us, somehow we were going to have to get over my qualms when we got back to the cabin.  
It had quickly become easy to be around Peeta, and I wanted a bit more time to have him to myself. So, after we put our goods in the car, I said I could do with a coffee and led the way to a small cafe. The wonderful smell of baking met me at the door and my stomach growled. I hadn't eaten properly since last night.  
“Hungry?” smiled Peeta.  
“Starving” I admitted. As we ordered our coffees and chose pastries, a short, skinny young woman, not much older than a teenager, came in behind us. I had noticed her hanging around outside as she was noticeably agitated. The man behind the counter shook his head, “Look Rue, if you can’t buy anything I can’t let you stay in here.” She trembled and for a moment it looked like she might cry. “Here, I’ll get her something,” Peeta intervened, adding some warm bread rolls and a cup of soup to our order. She frowned at us, mumbling “thanks,” then hid herself away at a table in the corner, pulling her hood over her face.  
"I bet she’s just about the same age as Prim,” I said to Peeta, “There was a time when I worried that she wouldn’t get enough to eat.” And just like that, I opened up to him, about losing my father when I was 12, through a fatal accident at work, my mother’s subsequent severe depression and the fear that we may have been taken into care.  
“I can see why you’re such a fighter” Peeta remarked, holding onto my eye contact though I wanted to look away. “But maybe it’s turned you into a winner too? I don’t think you would let anyone or anything get the better of you now.” The way he said this made me think he liked this about me, a thought I enjoyed for a minute until my instinctive wariness kicked in.  
“So what’s your story Peeta?” I asked deflecting the attention away from me. He told me about studying fine art but not being able to make a career out of it, so training as a teacher, and finding that, actually, he loved this work. He was evidently passionate about his students, possessing a real desire to nurture others. I wondered how I had thought he was so arrogant all those years, I could see now this was self assurance, not arrogance, and actually it was a very desirable trait. A deep sigh involuntarily escaped me. “I suppose we should get back to the cabin before we become the headline news”. By this, I was thinking of Madge, my oldest friend, who could never resist a hint of gossip, and had been desperate to fix me up since things with Dale went off the rails.  
It had started to snow again and I wasn’t looking forward to driving in these conditions. Peeta offered to drive but of course I turned him down. As I was checking my mirrors, I saw the skinny girl from the café, sprinting down the street away from us, sliding on the ice. Behind her came another youth, a male with his hood up, scarf over his face, an aggressive looking dog panting along by his side. It looked like she was in some sort of trouble, but I couldn’t see any way I could help out. I edged out onto the road distracted by her predicament, only realising after a mile that I was on the wrong road. Irritated with myself I did a U-turn and started to accelerate back through the streets, past the store and the café.  
With a sickening crack her face smashed into the windscreen. I would never forget the look of pure panic in her eyes and the blood immediately appearing on her forehead. I had driven straight into the skinny girl, Rue. She must have run out into the road without looking, she had come out of nowhere. But these thoughts didn’t hit me until later. Right now I was paralysed, my mouth open to scream, but no sound coming out. Peeta was on his phone calling for an ambulance, putting his coat over the tiny figure convulsing on the ground. I too could not stop shaking, “what had I done? I had killed her; she was going to die and I had killed her.” I had to do something to help, but as I climbed from the car I collapsed next to her, a pool of distress. Holding onto her frozen hand, I started to chant, “Don’t die, I’m sorry, please don’t die.” There was something in her palm, a small memory card. I put it in my pocket to keep it safe. There was nothing else I could do for her.  
It seemed like hours until the emergency vehicles arrived, first the police, then an ambulance. They quickly fitted Rue with an oxygen mask and stretchered her away, so she must have still been breathing. My sodden eyes went to Peeta’s worried face willing him to say it was all o.k. But he didn’t say anything. Numb with shock and cold, I sat next to him in the back of the Police Car, passively awaiting my fate. At the station they took my photograph and finger prints, I was breathalysed and asked to give a urine sample, to check if I had been using any substances. The car would be impounded to check if it had working brakes etc. I was under suspicion of causing death through reckless behaviour. “I just didn’t see her until it was too late”, was all I could say in my defence, knowing it was weak, and that I deserved to be punished. They spoke to Peeta in a separate room from me whilst I shook and stared at the floor, uncertain if he would ever return to me. At last he appeared in the doorway, and, before I could stop them, the tears started to fall. What would I have done if he had left? He sat by my side, “They know it was an accident. It wasn’t your fault. She ran straight in front of us, no-one could have stopped in time.” His words meant nothing to me. “Is she dead?” And now, to the one question where I needed it, there was no reassurance, just silence. He was nodding his head. Yes, she was. Rue was dead.  
The police would not release my car, and they required that I keep myself available in case they needed to question me further; or press charges. So we checked into the only hotel in the small town, cheap and cheerless, a perfect match for my mood. I deserved nothing but the worst. Peeta called Finnick, to try to explain what had happened. It was snowing again, and it made no sense for them to try to come out to us. “Stay at the cabin, now you have finally made it. I’ll keep you in touch with what’s happening.” “Katniss,” it took me a second to realise he was talking to me now, “Do you want to talk to anyone?” I shook my head, “She’ll call you in the morning,” he promised on my behalf. I lay on the bed, hopeless. There was nothing to be done, I was guilty, and I needed to suffer. There was no point in talking; perhaps if I could be still and quiet enough the world would go away and I would disappear.  
“You need to eat something, Katniss,” Peeta’s voice broke through my self pity. I was truly despicable, entirely worthless. I couldn’t even give him eye contact. But Peeta wasn’t a man to be shaken off so easily. “Right, Everdeen, you need to get your coat on, NOW, we are leaving in two minutes, no debate.” I felt like he was treating me like a disobedient student, which somehow managed to prick some of the old irritation, so patronising. But, it worked, as I found myself doing as I was told and following him to a bar which matched the hotel in its sordid atmosphere.  
Maybe a drink wasn’t such a bad idea, if I could get drunk enough, I might forget who I was.  
I accepted the large beer he brought over and we drank in silence for a while. Peeta finished his beer, then bought two more. At last he said something to distract me from my ever darkening head space. “I am going to beat you at a game of pool” he stated, taking his glasses out of his pocket, placing them on his nose with the air of readying for battle. “I like your glasses”, I replied, clearly not in the way he had expected. I remembered how handsome he had looked reading back at the cabin, had that really been only yesterday? He gave me a puzzled look, not sure if I was complimenting him, or teasing him, and got up, leading the way to the pool table. Despite feeling decidedly under the influence, I beat him on the last shot. “Best of 10” he insisted, “drink up”. “Is that your strategy then? Intoxicate the competition?” “It’s the best I can come up with right now," and he was back to the bar.  
Four beers in and I still managed to beat him, 7 games to 3.  
“Hand/eye co-ordination and stealth." I knew I was slurring slightly, “My talents, you asked about them earlier.”  
“A deadly combination” he joked.  
Immediately I saw her, blood smearing the windscreen, panic in her eyes. Reading where my mind had gone, Peeta put his arm around my shoulder and gave me a squeeze, but to me he felt distant, compared with the intimacy and ease with which we had touched before. He must be repelled by me. “It wasn’t your fault Katniss, it was an accident.”  
“And here I am, drinking and laughing like the end of a life means nothing at all.”  
I got up, Peeta caught up with me as I left the bar. “You go up to the room; I will bring you something to eat.” Having no better idea than to follow orders, I returned to the hotel, removed my jeans and jumper and climbed under the bed clothes. I heard Peeta return with the smell of pizza after about half an hour, but ignored him, with more determination to shut out the world this time. Eventually I felt the mattress sink down on the other side; he was clearly staying as far away from me as he could. I knew he had brains.  
My mind was all over the place. The image of Rue kept returning. I knew so little about who she was, who would be grieving for her now. I wanted to say sorry to her family, let them know that I respected the life I had taken, but how would they feel about me? This led to the core of my self-loathing. My father had been killed working at the quarry, by a wagon driver reversing into him. I had hated that driver and refused to meet him, vowing never to forgive. So how could I possibly forgive myself?  
Of course I couldn’t sleep. I lay there, once again hiding under a blanket, but this time there was no comfort from Peeta’s body. I could see the shape of him outlined by the streetlights through the thin hotel curtains. I longed for him to hold me, and I thought about the passionate way he had looked at me and touched me last night on the floor of the cabin. It had never been like that with Dale, and I wondered, would I have ever known there could be something more, if his new partner hadn’t found him. Could we both have gone through life settling for an imitation of something real, and would it have mattered anyway, as long as no-one got hurt? Without my bidding, the tears started to run down my cheeks, and I was unable to hold back the sobs. Peeta sat up immediately. “Katniss” he soothed, and went to get a tissue for me. “Do you want a glass of water?”  
A glass of water! A tissue! Was this the best he could give me in the face of despair?  
“Do you hate me?” I asked, getting straight to the point. “Do I disgust you?” His face was shocked, “Because I hate myself." I stated this without self pity, just putting the facts on the line. " Its ok, you don’t have to stay with me, I can manage on my own.” It would be better if he left me now before I had to start feeling guilty for dragging him into this mess, before we had any true relationship.  
“Katniss, no,” his voice was firm and clear; he climbed back into bed next to me and stroked my hair. Just this movement made me feel calmer, I had thought he would go, not move closer to me. “I’m sorry Katniss, but I don't know what I should do to help you. I don’t want to do or say the wrong thing again; alcohol clearly wasn’t such a smart idea. I thought maybe you would want to be left alone.” He paused before continuing in a softer tone, “I have been around you for all these years without really knowing you; I got the impression you like to sort things out by yourself. But beating yourself up about this, Katniss, that’s not right. It was icy, the snow reduced your visibility, and she ran straight out in front of the car. I think she was running away from someone; there was a man with a dog I seem to remember. He hung around at the end of the street when I was calling the ambulance.”  
I could see her in my minds eye, being chased down the street, "Yes, it looked like she was in some sort of trouble, but…" there was nothing I could do for her now, I had done enough. The silence descended on us again.  
Peeta took my hand and enclosed it in both of his. "No," he held my eyes in his, "I find you far from disgusting, I think you are complicated, messy, confused, and, well, you have a certain something". I couldn't help responding to his wryly twisting mouth,  
"And you have a certain way with words, my golden tongued Mr Mellark."  
"Golden tongued eh, yes I think you quite enjoyed my linguistic skills," he was laughing at himself now and I couldn't resist his distraction technique. I decided to let him make me feel better.  
I took his hand, held it for a second, then, continuing to look him straight in the eye, I brought his fingers into my mouth, feeling them with my tongue, sucking them one by one. I licked them again, making sure they were good and wet, then pushed his hand up under my tee-shirt onto my breast, directing him to roll his wet fingers over my hardening nipples. “Could you stand to touch me?” I asked, “After what I did?”  
“Oh, Katniss,” his voice was shaking, “it’s all I can do not to touch you. You must know how much I want you?”  
“No” I said honest and plain, “I don’t know that”.  
"Then let me tell you Katniss, ever since I watched you undressing in the firelight, I have been besotted by your body. The image of you, it’s something I shall never forget.” He paused to pull off my tee shirt and then his. His eyes were devouring me, as he continued to touch my breasts and nipples. He breathed behind my ear making me shiver, and then sucked hard on the skin at the base of my neck at my collar bone. He was leaving me in no doubt that he still found me desirable, working his mouth down over my stomach to my hips, pulling off my underwear. He licked me between my thighs, whilst squeezing my nipples, stretched out over me. I started to grind my hips into his face, pleasuring myself with his willing tongue. He pulled back.  
"Katniss, can we do this with you on top of me, so that I can watch you?” I nodded, just wanting him to continue to give me what I needed. He lay back and I straddled his head, starting to ride his tongue whilst he stroked and squeezed my buttocks, the tips of his fingers touching my throbbing entrance, dipping inside me, whilst his tongue sent me into ecstasy. He made me feel so good, I writhed with the sensations he gave me and I writhed for him, arching my back and straining my breasts forward for him, knowing he loved to see them. He slid a finger further in, and then another, pressing my walls. I thought how hard he must be and reached back, wanting to feel him as he did this to me. At the point where I couldn't hold on any longer, I cried his name as my body shook with the powerful orgasm, all my muscles contracting. Without pausing, I raised myself off him, still trembling with aftershocks. I inched back down his body and removed his underwear. His cock was so hard and tense; I knew he couldn’t wait much longer. He was watching me looking at him shamelessly. Before I could take him inside me, he sat up, kissed me with surprising tenderness, becoming more lustful as his tongue ravaged my mouth. He rolled me over and placed a pillow under me, raising my hips up. I let my thighs fall apart desperate for him. He leant over to get a condom from the bedside drawer, “Protection.” Peeta remembered to look out for us whilst I had been carried away in the moment. He kissed me again, rubbed my clit as he found his way, and then slid inside me, his entry enhanced by my moistness. “Katniss,” he moaned, finding his rhythm as he thrust into me, “you feel so fucking good.” I wrapped my legs around him and gyrated my hips back up into him, increasing the force between us. We were both lost to the feeling of the moment, fucking each other was all we needed. All self consciousness gone, we cried out without thoughts of who might hear. His chest was glistening, enticing me to run my fingers over his muscles, circling his nipples, taking pleasure from the sight of his beautiful body at work. In that moment, I was consumed by need for him, pulling him further in, so that he could never leave. He raised himself up and held me firmly by the thighs, to still my movements whilst he came to his peak, faster and harder, giving me the most intense pleasure as he reached his release. He stayed inside me for as long as he could, his kisses once again tender. Eventually, he had to move to clean himself up, but he was back by my side before his heat had faded, pulling me in to him in the way that was already starting to feel familiar. At last I succumbed, and let sleep take me over.


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies, Katniss and Peeta have gone soft and fluffy, I couldn't manage to keep them cool and fierce like in 'cabin fever'. Also, I couldn't keep up an American accent, and, last one, sorry, I am rubbish with food, so couldn't do justice to Peeta's kitchen talents.

I woke in the half light of dawn, with the bitter taste of bile in my mouth, stomach churning, feeling too heavy to move. I forced myself into the bathroom to heave over the toilet bowl, but there was nothing in my stomach to reach for. I rubbed my teeth with the few bristles on the cheap toothbrush provided by the hotel and stared at my reflection in the mirror starting to give myself a mental talking to. "Get a grip, for fucks sake, it was an accident." I wanted to go home, be with Prim, and forget that anything had happened. I needed to put all this behind me. Through the door I could see Peeta, his naked body tangled in a sheet, arm flung up over his head, his exposed chest calling me to him. I couldn't think about him without feeling the warmth of his skin on mine, his taste in my mouth, my body longed for him. But right now I needed to take control of myself; I couldn't keep escaping into this unnamed thing with Peeta. I formulated my plan at the sink, grounded by seeing my self; I talked it through face to face with the only person I could really rely on. First I needed to check in at the police station and work out if I needed a lawyer. Second, I get my car back, third I go back home, take a really long walk and try to wipe this New Year from the record. At this point I realised it was New Year’s Eve, I had no one at home, and I wasn't sure I could manage to drive anywhere without screaming. I looked at the mess in front of me and reduced the plan to: number 1, take a shower.  
Feeling cleaner on the outside, if still pretty grubby about the soul, I wrapped myself in the undersized hotel towels and returned to the bedroom. Peeta had woken and was checking his phone in bed.  
"How are you doing this morning?"  
“Surviving, I guess.”  
He got up, showing no self consciousness about being unclothed, and went to use the bathroom.  
I sat down on the end of the bed coming to a standstill. Plan A completed, what next? Probably another visit to the police station was in order, but it was hard to find the energy for this. Peeta came and sat next to me, my head found a resting place on his shoulder. Comfortingly, he reached out to stroke my hair.  
“It's hard to face putting those clothes on again, isn't it?”  
I nodded, “I’ve had those same jeans on for three days.”  
Come on, he said, I'll dry your hair for you. He stood and reached his hand out for me, guiding me to sit at the dressing table. There was a hairdryer in the drawer, and he started using his fingers as a comb.  
“I thought you had brothers not sisters. “ I remarked.  
“My mother had me help her sometimes, “he replied, his manner a little shorter than usual.  
Not being chatty by nature at the best of times, I left it at that. The warm air of the dryer was soothing to my head, and Peeta appeared lost in focussing on his task. I took the opportunity to enjoy his body, his strong thighs and toned abs so close to me, his manhood on display. He had given me such satisfaction last night. Impulsive as ever, I found my hands reaching out to stroke his hips before I could think about anything. The silence as he switched off the hairdryer gave me a jolt, but I refused to leave the moment I found myself in. I ran my hand over his flat stomach, and down onto his already firm shaft, stroking him into life. I held his balls and gently squeezed, my breathing had stopped and I could hear the blood pounding in my head. My focus was entirely on his body as I slipped down off the stool, onto my knees and dipped my head forward to take him into my mouth.  
I continued to grip his shaft, twisting my fisted hand along him as I sucked him in. I took pleasure from the sounds of his moans, feeling the breadth and power of his cock in my mouth, I knew I couldn't take him all in without gagging, so used my tongue to add to the pressure, and ran my other hand around his back side. I could feel how tense his muscles were, respectfully resisting forcing himself deep into my mouth. His hands were tangled in my hair, but not grabbing at me. It made me want to give him more so I took him in as far as I could, keeping up the pressure as I was rewarded with his cry of my name. I felt the tensing of his cock and then his explosion into my mouth, I swallowed and licked him down, relishing in the intimacy of knowing him in this way. At last I looked up to find his eyes on me, his pupils so large and black. He grasped my shoulders and pulled me to my feet, the towel had long since fallen from me and thrills of excitement ran across my skin where it met him. He tasted my lips and responded to my opening mouth with his tongue. His fingertips on my behind caused the throbbing between my legs to become almost unbearable, and this only increased as he started to whisper how he wanted me.  
“Please Peeta, I need you to touch me” I urged, wanting so much more than his touch. He understood, backing me up to the wall, hooking my leg around him and grinding his cock into me, squeezing my breasts and holding me in his gaze. The heat started to rise up through me, from the hidden parts inside me, up into my belly and breasts, I could feel my skin flushing and breasts aching making me moan and urge him not to stop. I pushed my fingers into his hair, and clung onto his arms as I felt myself starting to fall. His earlier release had given him stamina, and he was still hard as he slid out of me.  
“I can't stop” he groaned, but went to get a condom passing it to me to cover him. I lay him on the bed and straddled him, grinding onto him to stimulate my clit before taking him inside. He took my hand and encouraged me to continue to pleasure myself as he thrust up into me, guiding me firmly by the hips. I was so hot now, my mind had gone, everything was shining and I felt like there was music playing. I leaned over him, so he could suck my nipples as he gripped my buttocks, his finger tips reaching round my crease, causing other nerve endings to fire. He was pushing so deep inside I felt he might split me in two. I was completely in his hands now, already over the edge. At last he too came, filling me up as he pulled me onto his chest, running his hands over my back. I felt drunk, scarily free of inhibitions, not sure what I might do or say. His steady heart beat brought me gently back to earth as I felt his breathing settle into its usual rhythm.  
“That was too good" I sighed.  
“You must bring out the best in me,” he smiled relaxing back on the pillows.  
We lay there, side by side, gazing up at damp patches on the ceiling that looked like strange birds to my over-stimulated senses. I was transported to a more innocent time, lying on the grass in the meadow, making pictures from clouds with Prim.  
"I need to call my sister," speaking my thoughts aloud, I may have seemed cold to him, to jump from being completely engrossed in him to thinking about Prim, but I was still scared of giving him too much of myself. "She always has the best advice," I explained.  
“Then , you should definitely call her”, he briefly held the side of my face in his hand, looking deep into my eyes as though trying to discern my soul, then got up to go and shower, leaving me to talk with Prim in private.  
“Hey”, we greeted each other, "Happy New Years Eve”, Prim spoke with laughter in her voice, “are you calling me now before things get messy up there?”  
“Oh Prim, things are already in such a mess. “  
As best I could, I told her about the bad weather and what had happened with Rue, trying not to be too hard on myself for Prim’s sake. She would be too upset to know what I had really been thinking.  
She bombarded me with questions, “So where are you now, you should have called me sooner, is there anyone with you?"  
"I had to stay at this seedy hotel, with Peeta Mellark, they impounded the car."  
"Peeta Mellark, isn't he the obnoxious friend of Finnick? The one you can’t stand?”  
I tried to explain without going into any detail, “It's a long story, turns out I had been misjudging him all these years, he’s actually being really helpful.”  
Prim took this at face value, staying on the matter in hand.  
“Ok, well you need to go back to the police, and get a clear idea if you are being charged with anything. It sounds like a tragic accident so I am sure there won’t be any charges so you need to start to put this behind you. You have been working so hard, you went up there for a break, so try to relax and be with friends.”  
“Come off it Prim, I don’t need the doctors advice, I need my sister who knows me better than anyone. I can't relax; you must know what's on my mind…”  
“I know it’s not in you to have been reckless with another person’s life. You are going to have to learn how to forgive yourself because that’s going to be the only way to keep going, and that is your speciality Katniss, you always keep going and you are not going to let me down now.”  
From anyone else these words would have seemed like empty reassurance but from Prim they started to reignite my fighting instinct.  
“I just feel so guilty, I keep thinking about what the family will be going through. Do you think I should try to see them, so they know…, I don’t know what really, but so they know what happened?”  
“It’s too soon for that Katniss, you know how we felt after Dad died, it will be too soon for them to be anything but angry, and that will only make you feel worse.”  
“I kind of want them to do that, I think I deserve it.”  
“No Katniss, I don’t think it’s the right time to try to see her family.” She sighed, “ I wish I could come and get you but I have to work the shift tonight. Please try to have a good time with your friends. “  
Having a good time with friends might be pushing it but talking to Prim as always gave me strength to carry on. I could do things for Prim’s sake when I couldn’t do it for myself. So, by the time Peeta was out of the shower, I was dressed and ready to go.  
My hand found its way into Peeta's as we walked along the icy streets to the police station. The sky was clear and blue now, the snowstorm just a bad memory. “Just look at that colour!” Peeta remarked, “I’d like to try to catch that light with paint.” He was right, the morning was beautiful and the shock of the cold air in my lungs was like medicine, pulling me back to life, maybe I could get through this?  
At the station the duty officer confirmed that they weren't looking to press charges and I was free to go. My car however was not roadworthy, needing a new windscreen and there was no where to get this done until after New Year. Once again I left it to Peeta to communicate with our friends as we made our way back to check out of the hotel. I still couldn’t face answering any questions about what had happened. I hugged my arms around myself for comfort as Peeta talked on the phone. We didn’t speak to each other until we reached the door to our room.  
“Finnick will come and pick us up in my car.”  
“Thank you Peeta.”  
“You don’t have to thank me; we’ve been through this together.”  
“No, you have been such a big help.”  
Probably this sounded wrong as Peeta appeared annoyed by my gratitude, “Are you going to push me away now, after the stuff we’ve been through this weekend? Is that all it was to you this morning, someone being ‘really helpful’?”  
I recognised these words from my conversation with Prim and the anger was lit in me.  
“How dare you listen in to my private conversations with my family. Just ‘cos you fucked me, doesn’t make me your property.”  
“Fuck you, Katniss.”  
And we were back to where we started; the words from Thursday night’s fight at the cabin left echoing in the air.  
Quickly I turned my head away before he could see the tears starting in my eyes. He grabbed my arm, but I pulled away instinctively before he could get a hold on me, pushing through the doorway into our room.  
I stopped, suddenly pulled back into awareness of my surroundings.  
“It wasn’t locked? The door, I definitely watched you lock it when we left.”  
As my eyes adjusted to the lack of light I could see that someone had been through the room, all the drawers were open; the bed had been moved. A shiver ran up my spine. Peeta quickly went to check the bathroom.  
“There’s no-one here now.”  
“I don’t think I can take anymore drama. I just want to go home,” I spoke just above a whisper, feeling like a child.  
Peeta took my hand, and I felt annoyed by him. How come he always managed to find me when I was vulnerable? “I’m truly sorry Katniss, for what I just said out there. We’ve spent so many years angry and misunderstanding each other because I used the wrong words. Let’s not go back to that. I have no excuse for swearing at you like that, and I don’t expect you to forgive me, but,” He started to falter, “ I would hope that we could, maybe look at, say , I don’t know, a relationship verging on friendship?”  
Somehow he had managed to make me smile again!  
By the time Finnick arrived to pick us up the tension between me and Peeta had gone. I was glad as Finnick was unusually perceptive. He was also probably the most discrete of our group, and didn’t ask any uncomfortable questions about the change in mine and Peeta’s relationship. He and Peeta went back years having met as Freshman at College and were totally at ease in each others company, to the extent of having been the subject of Johanna’s suspicions about the nature of their “bromance”. I relaxed in the back seat of the car, closing my eyes and trying to empty my mind. I hadn’t realised I was humming an old lullaby to myself, until I opened my eyes to find Peeta’s gaze on me. I blushed a little, but didn’t feel too shy. If he was going to be my friend he would have to know my musical habits.  
“You have a really lovely voice.”  
I smiled back at him.  
Finnick looked between us with a puzzled frown, before turning his concentration back on to the road.  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
Suddenly being in a room full of people, even if they were my best friends, was overwhelming. Heavily pregnant Madge was in full mother-hen mode. Her pregnancy had really brought out Gale’s tendency to be the protective ‘man of the house’. I pitied anyone who ever dared cross his child; all hell would be born down on them without mercy. It was strange but not too upsetting, to see how being in a relationship with each other had solidified aspects of my old friends’ characters. They seemed so much more ‘grown up’ than I was. How could they be so sure of life? To get married and have a child, this was out of my understanding, but I was truly glad for them. They would be great parents together.  
Johanna caught my look and rolled her eyes. “You look like shit Everdeen!”  
“Thanks!”  
“Come on, let’s go out and run it all away. I’ll lend you my tracksuit pants. “  
She led me away into the quiet of our room. “Your stuff’s still in Peeta’s room.”  
“Oh”  
“Oh!” she was laughing at me, “I am going to want details, not that I couldn’t build quite a picture from what I heard going on in the bathroom yesterday!”  
I couldn’t help laughing along with her; the situation was too much to cope with if it was real. I would rather laugh about my sexual conquests with Johanna than wallow in guilt at my act of manslaughter.  
“Well, he was being a complete arsehole, but then it turned out he can cook; and, he has a very beautiful penis!”  
I had needed the release of a good belly laugh. I loved Johanna for bringing out the wicked side of me. This was what I needed, tough love, not tiptoeing around me like I would break.  
We ran through the woods surrounding the cabin, jumping over logs, dodging trees until I felt my heart would burst out of my chest. We had met at the gym at college, and Johanna had always challenged me to physically push myself to the limit. I was completely exhausted by the time we returned to the cabin.  
Peeta and Madge had been busy in the kitchen, creating delicious dishes to celebrate New Years Eve.  
“Something smells wonderful” I sighed, giving them both a big happy smile, the endorphins still pumping through my bloodstream. “Go and get a shower, and put something pretty on,” Madge fussed, waving me away from the kitchen.  
“Oh,” I caught Peeta’s eye. “I don’t know if I have anything pretty in my room,” hoping he would understand this meant, “help, all my clothes are in your room and I don’t want anyone to know we’ve been sleeping together.”  
“I bet there is something” he said, smiling down at the chocolate fondue he was preparing.  
There on the bed in Johanna’s room, was the orange and gold of the dress I had brought with me for tonight (I knew Madge liked us all to dress up to make it feel like an occasion). There was also clean underwear. The thought of Peeta sorting through my bag and having my panties in his hand gave me a small thrill, as it reminded my body of how he had felt touching me. I showered and dressed, leaving my hair loose over my shoulders. I felt good from the run, and was satisfied to know I was glowing.  
The evening was so much better than I could have hoped for when I spoke to Prim. Somehow my friends had succeeded in putting the accident to the back of my mind, distracting me with food like I had never tasted before, wine, and music. Annie had brought her guitar and we sang together as the sun went down. At midnight there was no awkwardness with couples pairing off. We had been a group for so long now. We all held hands as midnight bells chimed and then hugs and kisses spread round the room. I felt shy as Peeta took me in his arms in a room full of our friends. His whisper on my skin as he bid me a happy new year, made me wish I could stay in that moment with him. But there was Johanna, pulling us apart, keeping things moving.  
Madge and Gale went to bed not long after midnight as the pregnancy made her tire easily. I washed up with Annie and Finnick, leaving Peeta and Johanna to a game of cards and the night naturally drew to a close. Eventually, there was only me and Peeta left.  
“Just a warning,”  
He looked mildly alarmed,  
I smiled, “I am going to say thank you, to you, because I mean it, and I want you to know that I don’t think I could have survived this weekend without you.”  
His eyes were locked on mine, “You’re welcome. Katniss, I hope I can always be there for you if you ever need me.”  
We kissed gently, an unspoken agreement that the time for passion had passed as we had moved into friendship.  
“I’m going to sleep here, on the sofa.”  
“O.K. Do you need anything?”  
“No, I think I will just crash, it’s been a long day.” A feeling of longing for him surged through me as I remembered the morning, but I kept it inside. I needed to keep my life uncomplicated. Relationships would never work out for me, but I had true friends and maybe that was better?  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, birds singing, and I was driving to meet Peeta.  
I was happy. The sun was bright, blinding my vision as a figure stepped out into the road in front of me. It was too late to stop.  
His head hit the windscreen and there was blood everywhere.  
My mother and Prim were in the back of the car screaming.  
My father lay in the road, covered in blood, moaning as he died.  
I was trapped in the car, surrounded by suffering and I couldn’t get out.  
I tried to scream, but it wouldn’t come.  
At last it broke through, as I woke myself up out of the nightmare.  
Peeta came running out of his room. “Katniss!” he didn’t need to ask if I was ok, as the tears ran down my cheeks. I leaned into the comfort of his arms; my breathing began to settle as the solid warmth of his chest reassured me I was safe. We stayed like this for a few minutes. I felt like I could maybe go back to sleep if he would stay with me. Just as I had this thought, he shifted his body away from me, making me startle and look at him with pleading in my eyes.  
“ I’m not going anywhere,” his voice reassured me. “Come on, we need to go to bed”. He led me through to his room, sat me on the bed, and found me a t-shirt to sleep in, leaving me to change as he went to the bathroom. We refound our position, my head on his chest, his arms around me, and he stroked my hair.  
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
“Not really…” but I did anyway, letting him know how worthless I was, that I always ended up hurting people. That I felt like I was responsible for killing my father and causing my mother and sister’s suffering. That I shouldn’t have tried to be happy.  
He stroked my hair and listened as eventually I cried myself to sleep.  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
For some weird reason, he was still there when I woke up. I felt so embarrassed at what I had told him. Now he would know how truly, certifiably, crazy I was. His eyes were opening, “please don’t pity me,” I pleaded in my head. I made myself look into his eyes, I had to know what he saw when he looked at me. And it was too much to bear. I wanted to fool myself, but I knew what I had seen in his eyes. I had seen it when my father looked at me. Love.  
He held my face and kissed me with such tenderness. Our lips soft and caressing. He kissed my face and neck, whispering to me such sweet lies. Telling me I was beautiful, beautiful to look at and beautiful inside. That I was strong and loyal and kind. Telling me that he had never had sex like we had, that I had blown his mind away with the way my body moved. Telling me he loved me and he would always be there for me. It felt like heaven. He made love to me slowly, using his mouth first, so that I had to bite the cushion not to scream as he sucked on my clit. Then he lay me back and rocked into me with long powerful strokes, gently squeezing and then sucking my breasts as he started to climb, bringing me with him, until we gasped into each others mouth and neck, trying to keep this moment for ourselves. After, we slept again in each others arms.  
I was finally woken by a buzzing, that I realised was my phone. It was 1pm and I could hear sounds of others moving around the cabin. 3 missed calls from Prim. It rang again,  
“Mum is coming for you.”  
“What?!”  
“I told her about what happened, and we decided she should come and bring you home. It won’t be safe for you to drive.”  
“That’s really thoughtful, but I am going to have to drive again sooner or later.”  
“But not on your own, all that way. If you want to be stubborn, you can share the drive back with mum.”  
“I hate it when you and mum try to sort my life out for me. I am 23 for pities sake.” I knew I was ungrateful; just add it to the list of my failings.  
“We love you Katniss, and sometimes your decision making can be questionable.” A lecture from the little sister, when did we swap places and she became the one who sorts me out?  
I could see Peeta stirring. “So when will she be here?”  
“Any time now, she set off at 10.30.”  
“Oh. Well, thanks. I guess. Happy New Year Prim. I love you too.”  
I turned to look at Peeta.  
“My highly qualified sister has sent my mother to pick me up. She will be here any minute.” I shrugged. “It appears I need protecting from myself.”  
He ran his hand over my arm, “It’s probably a good idea,” the tone of his voice wasn’t convincing me. “I can bring your car back down to you when it’s mended, if you like? Finnick and Annie can drive mine; they got a taxi from the airport.”  
I thought for a second, swallowing down my immediate impulse to refuse help.  
“Thank you; that would be really kind.”  
We exchanged numbers and addresses, smiling at doing this whilst naked in bed together. “We seem to be doing things in the wrong order.”  
I managed to sneak out to the bathroom with only Johanna and Finnick seeing me. “Ssshhh” I begged them with my finger on my lips. I was washed, dressed, packed and presentable by the time my mother arrived. This really wasn’t how this weekend was supposed to end.  
I hugged my friends, thanking Peeta again for agreeing to bring my car home when it was mended.  
“I owe you.”  
This just made him frown. So I punched him on the arm, “No hard feelings” I smiled.  
He laughed; his face lighting up like the sun breaking through the clouds.


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More angst, and fluff and a little bit of smut!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably should have said explicitly at the beginning but thought it was obvious, as well as inspiration from atetheredmind' s cabin fever, I am using the characters and plot devices of the wonderful, Suzanne Collins Hunger games trilogy and ideas from Francis Lawrence's films. I own nothing. I mostly started this just to help make it through to November and the final film!

Peeta brought my car back the next weekend. He had it looking like new, no signs remained of the lethal accident, and it was tidier inside than it had ever been since I owned it. Even a new air freshener!  
I went out to meet him so he didn’t have to knock at the door.  
“Hi”, he kissed me on the cheek, and looked at me over his glasses. He was still handsome.  
“I hope Prim didn’t need her books?” he handed them to me.  
“Thanks” I said, grateful to have something to do with my hands.  
A pause developed as we weighed each other with our eyes.  
“Do you think you’ll be able to drive it?”  
I looked down. I had had to sit in the back seat on the way back from the cabin and had been plagued with nightmares all week. I was taking the bus to work.  
“I’ll have to I suppose.”  
“I can take you out for a drive if you like, so you can get used to it again.”  
“Thanks.”  
Another pause. This was starting to feel awkward and I cursed myself for my lack of social graces.  
“My mum’s here. She’s kind of in a bad mood, please just ignore her.”  
I didn’t know how to explain that my mother had decided to blame Peeta for my accident; for letting me drive in such bad weather, for not calling my family as soon as it had happened. She had him pegged as a bad influence which was just about the most ridiculous conclusion, but then I had always painted him as an arrogant rich kid if I ever mentioned him in the past, so I suppose I was partly to blame. I knew it was really fear that was making her so angry, the thought that I might have been killed in a crash, and of course it had brought back all the bad memories of dad. When she heard he was bringing the car back and I had invited him to come for lunch she had insisted on joining us. I was dreading the whole thing.  
Mum also still had a fantasy that Dale would one day realise that settling down happily with his same sex partner was a mistake and return to marry me. She still called him to check how he was getting on and knew more about his life now than I did. And he always remembered her on her birthday and at Christmas. I knew this was from his guilt at how we ended; but for mum, well, no man was ever going to be as right for me as Dale in her eyes.  
Hell, I just wished I could run away.  
Somehow we made it through the meal. I had made a roast chicken, the only proper meal I could cook, I think it tasted quite good, but it was probably a bit too much for lunch. Peeta had brought a cake he had made himself. It was delicious, moist and delicately flavoured. Of course my mother dismissed it, saying she was too full, but thanked him for the “token”, implying that he had come to apologise.  
I walked him to the bus stop. Driving him back home was not going to be happening today. Whilst we had been struggling with words, our hands immediately made contact, and I felt my body starting to relax for the first time that day.  
“Well that was fun!” I said needing to break the ice. “Please don’t mind my mother.”  
“It’s o.k.” he smiled, “we can’t choose our families!”  
I let go of his hand.  
“She’s been through a lot you know.”  
“Come on Katniss, don’t take me the wrong way again, I meant… well, families can be strange things, that’s all. I like your mom, it’s clear she worries about you.”  
I glanced across at him. “Really?” He sounded sincere, convincing, or was he just a good liar? Why was it was so hard for me to trust him? But seeing his chiselled profile, with the shadow of hair growing through the skin on his jaw, remembering how that jaw felt rubbing against my thighs… I decided to let it go. She had been a bitch to him all afternoon after all.  
I let him take my hand again, immediately feeling more grounded, I had felt lost the second I had let go.  
“So how are you really doing? “ Peeta asked, “You look a bit tired.”  
So I told him about the nightmares, making me scared to sleep at night.  
“You know you can call me any time you need some one?”  
“That’s usually at about 3 a.m.”  
“You should call me.”  
And it did sound like he really meant it. The fool, as if I was going to let him see all the cracks that were growing night by night in my mind.  
“O.K.” I replied.  
He smiled, not fooled at all, “I know you won’t, but you could, if you wanted to.”  
The bus was here, too soon, we were just readjusting to each other.  
Another brief touch of his lips on mine, leaving me wanting more, and he was gone.

I kept myself extra busy all week. I worked for the forestry commission and spent most of my time outdoors. I hoped that by wearing myself out physically during the day, I might collapse through exhaustion at night. It didn’t work. I couldn’t face eating when I got in and ended up falling asleep during the evening, then spent the night reliving the moment of hitting Rue.  
After work on Thursday I decided I should try getting in the car instead of festering at home. As soon as I checked my mirror I could see her, running away down the street being chased. I imagined she must have been scared that day. I couldn’t make it to turning the ignition, just sat there crying pathetically.  
Just as I got back in the house my phone pinged, it was a message from Peeta:  
  
Would you like to come over for dinner?  


Really sorry, I can’t, I have to work.  


I didn’t say when…  


Sorry, I have been super busy (ugh, he's never going to believe that fake peppiness is me)  


O.K. Maybe another time?  


Are you going to Finnick and Annie’s party?  


Yes  


I’ll see you there.  


O.K. see you there.

The party, for Annie’s birthday, was not until the week after next but I just didn’t feel up to seeing Peeta on my own. I knew I was in a mess, and he always seemed to manage to get me to tell him what was really in my head. I didn’t want to scare him off by showing him that.  


He didn’t text again.  
I tried to reassure myself about his silence. It was probably a good thing to slow things up, we had been rushing headlong into something way too intense and risky for me. I needed to protect myself from too much intimacy.  
The evening of the party was a rainy cold night in late January. Prim dropped me off before her night shift at the hospital. I had actually managed to stay in the front of the car and was feeling a bit more upbeat. I had got myself psyched up for seeing Peeta again and was wearing the same dress I had on on New Years Eve (It was my only nice dress if truth be told, but I knew he liked it).  
Annie and Finnick had a large property in the suburbs, largely due to the generosity of Finnick’s deceased relatives. Annie let me in and gave me a warm hug and a cool drink, the perfect hostess. We chatted for a while about music and work and families, until she had to greet her elderly aunt, Mags, an old lady, who, at at least 65, was still at home at a party.  
I found Gale and Madge next, and tried to maintain my enthusiasm listening to their baby talk. It was due around Easter, and they were busy decorating a room as a nursery.  
Then I saw Peeta, across the room, arm in arm with a curvaceous blonde. He was laughing at something, so hard. It was wonderful really to see him looking so happy and at ease.  
My mouth had gone dry. Luckily, the Hawthorne's were so involved in their own world I only had to keep nodding and agreeing. I was worried they would hear my heart it was pounding so loud and my hands were shaking. I wasn't angry, I told myself. This was how I knew it would be with Peeta, we really weren’t a compatible pair, it had just been the tension of being thrown together in the cabin and all the emotions with the accident. I realised how tired I was, and thought maybe I should find somewhere to sit down. I had stopped listening to Madge, and didn’t register at first that she was asking if I was ok.  
"I just need to sit down for a bit" I replied and went to find a seat in the kitchen.

Mags was also sitting there, enjoying her gin and nodding along to the music. She was perfect company for me, relaxed enough to be companionable without having to make aimless chatter. We must have sat there, chilling out for the best part of an hour, before Peeta came banging into the room, stumbling, he was clearly worse for wear.  
“Katniss!” He lurched over to put his arm around me, his normally delicious scent of warm spices was covered by the stench of beer on his breath.  
“I didn't think you had come.” He aimed a kiss at my cheek. I couldn't help but recoil.  
“What's the matter? He slurred, “Don't you need me anymore?”  
I couldn't be bothered with his games, trying to guilt trip me, when I knew he had already moved on. "Its ok Peeta”, I snarled, “we never made any promises to be true to each other, there's always plenty more fish in the sea after all."  
He looked at me with unfocused eyes , shook his head and stumbled back out with a bottle of bourbon in his hand. "Sounds about right" he muttered as he left.  
Mags held my clenched fist in her hand and shook her head in sympathy.  
"Could you call me a cab? I think I need to get out of here."  
Another sleepless night followed, but at least without any sleep there were no nightmares, just tears of rage at the lies of Peeta Mellark and words of retribution to myself for slipping into thinking I could trust anyone.  
I had become stuck on the thought that I needed to call Peeta but the phone line sounded like he was underwater, then I realised I was sinking into something, like sinking sand, but I was being pulled down by hands, it was my mother and Dale, and Rue, with blood dripping down her face, her dead eyes wanting to kill me.  
Screaming, I came to. I had only nodded off to sleep for a minute, but that was long enough for my mind to start it's torture.  
It was already morning so I gave in and got up. After showering and making a cup of tea, I couldn't face eating, I thought I better call Annie to wish her happy birthday and check if she had noticed I left the party so early.  
"Katniss, are you ok?" She started before I could speak.  
“Yes. Of course, I was just tired. I thought I should leave early rather than put a dampener on your night.”  
She seemed to take a while to register this.  
"You don't know, do you?"  
"What?" a sense of dread was rising, what had happened now, what had I done?  
“Are you sitting down?”  
“Don't say that Annie, you are frightening me”.  
“Katniss, it’s about Peeta.”  
“What?”, it seemed to be the only word I could come up with.  
“He got way too drunk last night, he must have gone out on his own, it was rainy so we were all hanging out inside”.  
I waited; I knew in my heart she was going to tell me he was dead. But there was always this moment before the words when there was still a vague hope.  
“Finnick found him face down in the pool, his heart had stopped… but he can't have been there long, he managed to resuscitate him, and the ambulance came really quickly.”  
“He's alive!”  
“Yes , he's still unconscious in intensive care, but he's a fit young man and he was very cold, which they say is a good thing, increases his chances of recovery.”  
“I have to see him”, I was crying openly now. He mustn’t die.  
“O.k. Katniss, Finnick just set off to see him, I'll try to contact him to let him know to pick you up on the way.”  
I paced the kitchen for several lifetimes before I heard Finnick’s car horn beeping for me.  
I sobbed all the way to the hospital, I didn't even think about being scared, or the risk of killing someone, I just needed to see Peeta again, to feel the warmth of his skin, see his chest rise and fall.  
Finnick comforted me with his words,“It's going to be ok Katniss, there are just too many of us who love Peeta to let him die.”  
We had to wait outside the hospital room as Peeta already had a visitor. A well dressed middle aged woman was sitting with him.  
“I hope he doesn't open his eyes just yet,” said Finnick grimly , “he'll need to have his heart started again if that’s the first face he sees.”  
“Who is it?”  
“His mother.”  
Finnick told me the parts of Peeta’s story he had managed to leave out. His family were wealthy but his parents hated each other. His father worked away as much as possible and his mother had serious addiction problems with alcohol and prescription drugs. "I think there is a bit of that nature been handed down to Peeta too, his obsessive tendency, and he really needs to steer clear of alcohol… Of course he hates that about himself, that he might be anything like her. She used to beat him when she was at her worst; he was young then , 10 or 11.”  
“You can’t choose your family” I whispered, echoing Peeta’s words.  
“ He was fostered by Delly's family for his early teen years, whilst his mum was in treatment. “  
“Delly?”  
“She was at the party last night, blonde, curvy?”  
“Are they a couple now?”  
“Delly and Peeta! No! She has been like a sister to him really. She’s lovely, but, well ,I guess you didn’t speak to her if you thought that. She's not Peeta’s type, a bit mainstream for creative Peeta if you know what I mean? But her family have always been there for him.”  
“Oh.” Of course, it was my fault. I was a self centred bitch. I remembered telling Peeta about my childhood with the threat of being taken into care, and he never mentioned that had been his reality. And my jealous heart had shunned him again last night. I wanted to run away, before I could cause anymore damage, but I needed to see him again, I needed to man up and be there for him now, if he would let me.  
His mother came out of the intensive care room. “Finnick, how lovely to see you” she purred as if she was at a dinner party, not her son's hospital bed. Then off she swept as if she had somewhere very important to go.  
It was our turn. The nurse let us know that Peeta’s heart rate and breathing was stable, but he was struggling to regain consciousness. “His brain must be busy healing,” she reassured us, “he will wake up when he thinks he's missing something.”  
As soon as I saw him I couldn't hold back from touching him, I held his face and leaned my head on his chest. “Come back to me Peeta,” I whispered, “don't leave me now.” I couldn't stop myself from kissing him, first his hand, then his face and his lips, I didn't care about Finnick watching, I knew what I had to do. It felt so natural when he responded by stroking my hair, I didn't realise that this was a sign until the nurse came through, called by the monitor indicating his heart rate had significantly increased. “You're doing him good,” she smiled at me, it felt like the best thing anyone had ever said about me.  
I came back on Monday evening after a long day at work. I was tired out, but I had to keep doing my best for Peeta. “He's had a difficult day she warned me, he's more awake, he 's been mumbling and thrashing around more. It's a good sign, but he seems distressed, we've had to give him some medication to stop him hurting himself.”  
I needed to soothe him again.  
I took his hand and lay my head on his chest. I started to sing the old lullaby, the one I was singing when he said he liked my voice.  
“Katniss,” his voice sounded strange. I looked up into his piercing blue eyes. They were wide open and glued to me.  
“Peeta, I am so sorry,” I began.  
Catching me off guard his arm came flying across with all his force, knocking me away from him and onto the floor, he was trying to get up from the bed, pulling the wires and tubes off his body. I was frozen to the spot by the look of hatred in his face. Luckily the nurse and her colleague came running in, alerted by the alarms of the detached machines. I was swept up and out of the room as Peeta was given an injection.  
“So much for doing him good” I thought as I waited in E.R. to be checked over. I had a beauty of a bruise on my cheek, but it was superficial. I knew how to put on a strong front by now, they wouldn't see my real scars, hidden deep under my skin.  
It was getting harder to keep the cracks in my mind pulled together. I worked, slept on the sofa in the evenings, and then lay wide awake at night, listing all the ways I hated myself. I stayed away from the hospital and friends. I didn't think they would want to see me, I only made them feel upset anyway, they had enough on their plates without killer Katniss coming round.  
It was nearly Easter time when Johanna caught me out by knocking on my door rather than calling. Madge had had the baby, Posy, a beautiful girl, the apple of her daddy’s eye. They had invited everyone to come over next weekend to welcome their daughter to the group.  
I brought a cuddly toy for Posy, flowers for Madge and a cigar for Gale. They seemed like that sort of a family.  
Madge looked great, she was born to be a mother. It was a squeeze in their small home, but it felt full of joy and life. I felt so out of place. I started to feel my pulse racing and the fear creeping up on me when Madge asked me if I would like to hold Posy. What was she thinking! Didn’t she know how dangerous that would be, to put a defenceless child in my hands! I made my excuses and went out into the yard.  
To my shock, there was Peeta and Delly. The yard was too small to avoid them, so I swallowed hard and put on my best smile.  
“Hi .“  
Peeta turned to his friend, “Have you met Katniss?”  
“Katniss, Hi there” she effused, ”I’ve heard so much about you, so good to finally meet you. Isn’t Posy just SO adorable. I was just going to get a drink, can I get you something?”  
Off she went, leaving me alone with Peeta.  
“I’m sorry I hit you, Katniss. I hope you know I would never do something like that if I was in my right mind. I can’t actually remember much about being in hospital.” His words were apologetic but there was something missing from the way he spoke to me. He didn’t look me in the eye.  
“Of course, I know , it was totally out of character.”  
“So who are you here with?”  
“Johanna and Prim.”  
“I’ve not heard much of you lately, I suppose you have been busy dating?”  
“No.”  
“Delly came back gushing, “that baby is just SO beautiful.”  
“Well, it’s been good to meet you Delly, I think I best go back inside. I'm making the atmosphere a bit uncomfortable out here.”  
“What a typically Katniss thing to say,” Peeta’s irritable tone surprised me as he finally turned to look me straight in the eye. “You always presume everything is about you.”  
I could feel the tears welling up. Did I really deserve that?  
Delly was clearly shocked. “Stop it Peeta. Just remember we're all here for Madge.” It was strange to hear Peeta being spoken to like a child.  
She turned to me, “He's not been out much lately.”  
“Me neither, “ I replied, “I’ve, erm, not been feeling too well.”  
Peeta looked at me, exposing me to his scrutiny as he eyed me up and down.  
“You’ve got skinny.” was all he said.  
I decided it was time to leave.  
“Well really nice to meet you Delly, and I am sorry Peeta, please believe me. Hope you are back to full fitness soon.”  
  
Johanna was glad to leave to drive me home. She had had her fill of babies.  
“What's with Peeta?” She asked as we rode along, “Maybe your first impression about him was right and we've all been wrong all along. I thought he was going to do a Maleficent and curse the baby.”  
I laughed for the first time in weeks.  
I made a decision, “Johanna, Will you help me get into shape again?”  
Johanna wasn’t into analysis, and that wasn’t what I needed. Looking further into my psyche was only going to make things worse. What I needed was Johanna’s straight talking, to get out running again, to earn a healthy appetite and to have a friend to eat pizza with.  
“Oh yes,” she said with relish, “I thought you’d never ask. I have had quite enough of you moping about feeling sorry for yourself. I am going to get you fit for action. Watch out world Katniss Everdeen is back in the game.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do know where I am going with this now. I think there will be 6 chapters, just have to find time to write it down.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had a thought about Peeta and Katniss in the kitchen at night together, listening to Soul Kitchen by the Doors, but I went with them listening to a call in after all. Wanted to fill in a bit more of their relationship building. 
> 
> Katniss is assaulted in this chapter, this might be a trigger for some people.

After a few weeks of the Johanna treatment, I was actually starting to feel more normal again; though I still balked when she suggested going out on Saturday night. It was nearly 5 months since I had been out in the evening, the dimming light always brought the memory of that fateful snowy day closer to the front of my mind. Johanna knew that, but she didn’t really understand.

“You know I’m not going to take no for an answer, so you might as well save your breath and stop scowling. You’re already getting wrinkles on your forehead,” she goaded me. “Just a few drinks in a quiet bar. It will help give you an appetite; you could still do to gain a few pounds.”

“You always say the nicest things Johanna…”

She folded her arms and stared me down.

I sighed, knowing that it was true, she always won.

“I guess I’ll have to subject the public to my shrivelled presence, then; but you’ll have to drive.” 

I kept myself busy through the day on Saturday, trying not to think about the evening ahead. I called Prim hoping she might give me an excuse not to go, but she told me I had to face my fears. 

“You’ve got all the theories haven’t you,” I muttered as I turned my phone off and went for a soak in the bath. I made the water hot; lit some scented candles; listened to some mellow tunes, and eventually I emerged feeling as relaxed as I had in a long time. Humming to myself, I dressed in a smart pair of jeans and a stormy grey top that brought out the colour of my eyes. I braided my hair as usual, but then played with pinning it up at the back, which made my neck look longer. I had to admit I was actually quite enjoying getting ready to go out, thinking about my appearance wasn’t something I had done for a long time, and I was pleased with how I had turned out as I added some jewellery as a finishing touch. 

The knock on the door, sent my insides trembling again though. I felt like I had already had a nice evening and could happily go to bed now.

Johanna was in high spirits, itching to get going; she refused to come in, dragging me out to her car instead. My heart sank as I took in her appearance. She was wearing full on make up and a sharp club-style dress hugged her toned figure. She turned up the volume on her stereo, as the bass line kicked in.

“A few drinks in a quiet bar” I said, glaring at her.  
“That’s right,” she laughed, “Nothing too dangerous.”  
“You have to stay sober,” I was feeling a bit panicked now, “I can’t drive.”  
“It’s all good my little forest flower,” she teased, “Trust your auntie Johanna.”  
I pressed my head back into the seat and closed my eyes, letting my body feel the music, trying not to think so much. 

We parked up in a multi-story car park that was now mostly empty. It was already 9pm, I had agreed to 2 hours enforced socialisation and then I would be back in my house. I reassured myself by repeating the plan in my head. If nothing else this was going to make me appreciate my bed again, I never thought I would pine for that place of nightmares, but right now I could see that snuggling down under the covers had a lot going for it.

It was a warm night for the end of April, just another week and it would be my birthday. The streets were busy with people out and about on a Saturday night. I took a deep breath and realised I could cope with this after all. I didn’t belong here but I could enjoy being an observer.

As we strolled into the city centre, we passed a queue of homeless people waiting in line for a meal from a truck parked at the side of the road. “Now that’s a good way to be spending your Saturday night,” I commented as I thought to myself about the good people who had come to feed the hungry and lost souls. That would be something worthwhile to be doing instead of sitting crying and feeling sorry for myself at home. “Better than hanging out in a bar”, I grumbled to myself.

I stopped in my tracks as I saw the young man handing out a tray of hot food. It was Peeta. He raised his head up just as I was registering his face, meeting my eyes full on, he held my gaze and for a moment it felt like he remembered how we had been at New Year. Then something shut down inside him and he looked me and Johanna up and down. “You two look dressed to kill” he stated in a tone that was barely civil. 

What was his problem? 

“I’ve decided it’s time Katniss remembered what it’s like to have fun,” Johanna replied, making my face start to heat up. I didn’t want him to think I was weak.  
“Looking for a new play thing, Katniss?” he asked in a sneering tone.  
“Maybe,” I replied defiantly. He seemed to have me confused with some sort of a man-eater, but I was too annoyed by him to put him right. I certainly wasn’t going to let my guard down so easily again.

However, my act was somewhat spoilt by Johanna laughing at me.

Peeta just looked bemused by us.  
“Katniss…; Johanna…” a high pitched voice cried out. “Fancy us running into you here.” It was Delly, “Would you like some stew? Peeta made it, of course. You don’t have to be homeless to eat here, all welcome. “  
“It does smell delicious,” I said unable to hide the longing in my voice.  
It was Johanna’s turn to frown, “Thanks Delly, but we have other plans tonight.” And she dragged me away.  
“Nice try Everdeen, but eating stew on the street is not my idea of a good night out.”

We walked a couple of blocks before Johanna steered me into a bar.  
“This will do.”

It wasn’t loud but it was more full of people than I had imagined a “quiet bar” to be. I clung to Johanna’s side as she pushed her way to the bar to order drinks.  
She ordered two shots of vodka and lime.  
“Are you going to be ok driving?” I questioned.  
“It’s fine, we won’t be going home until the alcohol has run it’s course,” she said dismissing my fears.

I took my drink, but didn’t taste it just yet, I wanted to keep my wits about me. I scanned for exits and weighed up the other customers.  
There was a loud group in the corner, their table already gathering a collection of empty glasses. One of them, a muscle-bound man in a shirt that barely stretched over his torso, appeared to notice us. I gripped my glass more firmly and took a step back.  
“What’s up?” Johanna asked sensing my tension.  
I nodded over at the group.  
To my surprise she laughed.  
“There they are!” and grabbing my arm she pulled me over to the group.  
“Katniss, let me introduce you to my colleagues, the victors!”  
“Victors?” What was going on?  
“Yes, we won the case against Capitol industries, and tonight we celebrate!”  
Johanna worked for a law firm.  
This got a cheer from her colleagues, one of them pushing another drink at Johanna.  
“You planned this all along?” I said through gritted teeth.  
“No, but when we got the verdict yesterday I couldn’t refuse to come out with the team. Just join in with us, it will be fun, get that drink down you.”  
“But how will we get home?”  
“Maybe we will end up somewhere other than home” she smirked.  
“No, no , NO”, I screamed inside. I really wasn’t up to this.

“Give me the keys, your car keys.”  
“Really? You’re really going to wimp out on me?” Johanna looked decidedly unimpressed.  
“It’s just not where I am at right now, come on, give me the keys, I need to leave.” I was starting to feel trapped.  
I was embarrassing us both and she looked like she wanted to impress her friends so she pulled the keys from her purse and dumped them in my hand.  
“Drive safe then ; I’ll call you tomorrow.”  
I gave her my untouched drink and left without looking back.

What a total disaster.

Of course I had to go back past Peeta’s meal truck. The queue had gone now and it looked like he was packing up.  
I hugged my arms around me not sure why he made me feel so nervous. Once again he spotted me, making it too awkward to ignore him.  
“Hey” I greeted him, with fake casualness.  
“On your own?” he remarked, stating the obvious.  
“Mmm,” I looked down, avoiding his eyes, “turned out Johanna had plans she hadn’t let me in on”.  
He didn’t reply.  
“You been busy?” I tried to keep the conversation going.  
“Kind of. Delly keeps pushing me into getting out. I’ve lost my confidence since the accident. I still have some residual problems.”  
I questioned him with my gaze.  
“I can’t seem to find the right words like I used to. And my memory has been affected.” He looked at my face with a frown, “There’s some gaps when it comes to you, actually.”  
I clenched my fists into my clothing.  
"There was some pretty hot sex in a hotel, right?"  
I kept my eyes on the floor.  
"But then I have this feeling you were just using me. I can't quite make sense of it."

I was lost for words, how could I explain what had happened between us at New year when I didn't really know myself. Maybe I had been using him.

"I'm sorry, Peeta, I don't think I can help you" I turned away, feeling the tears building in my eyes.  
He reached out for my hand, "that's ok, you don't owe me anything," his voice was surprisingly kind.

I knew I did though. He had stuck by me through the worst experience of my life. Taking Rues life hurt more even than losing my father. And he had been there for me, getting me through, keeping me safe. I owed him so very much. But what could I say? Nothing. I was worthless.

I gave him a sad smile, "I need to get home. Maybe I'll see you around."

I was lost in thought as I made my way back to the car park. So much so that I was taken completely off guard when a hand came round from behind me and was pressed across my mouth. I tried to scream, and kicked back with my heel, the adrenaline starting me into fight mode. But my attacker was strong, I knew it was a man, and he was taller than me. He punched me in the face, stunning me. I could taste my blood in my mouth as I was pushed to the floor. I knew I had to fight but I was frozen, part of my brain couldn't seem to grasp this was really happening, it felt like one of my nightmares. He lay over me, pushing his hand under my top.

"No, please stop" I quietly begged.

And then, just as suddenly, he was yanked off me, lifted into the air and literally thrown aside.

With my hand on my lip, I eased myself up. There was Peeta, looking wild, as he had when he attacked me in the hospital. But now his rage was being used to defend me.  
"Get in the car and lock the door" he commanded me.  
I automatically did as instructed.  
My assailant was crouched over, but as he straightened up I saw he was holding a knife.  
Desperately I banged on the window with my palm, trying to warn Peeta.  
He was striding toward the attacker, without a thought for his own safety.

The knife was raised but Peeta was too strong, he grabbed the man's arm, twisting it behind his back until he was forced to let his weapon drop. Peeta kicked it away under another car. He drew his arm back and threw a punch that connected squarely with the man's chin. He reeled back, paused for a second then took off running. I could see that Peeta was torn between chasing after him and staying with me. He chose me, coming over to the window of the car, never taking his eyes off me. I realised I was sobbing. 

"Let me in" he mouthed.  
My hand shook as I opened the lock.  
He came around to the seat next to me, locking the door after him.  
"It's ok, you're safe," he spoke as though I were a wounded creature, which was exactly what I had become. He found a tissue in the glove box and passed it to me to stop my lip bleeding.  
I still couldn't speak for tears.  
"I'm going to drive you home."  
I nodded. He knew what I needed.  
We swapped seats, the only sound my gasps as my sobs slowed down.  
He buckled my belt for me, when my trembling fingers couldn't manage the simple task, took the keys from me and drove us slowly away.  
We were nearly home before I could speak.  
"You saved me"  
"I had to make sure you were ok" he replied, playing down his part in what had just happened.  
"Thank you" it wasn't enough but it had to be said.  
"I'll never stop owing you," I thought but knew better than to say it aloud.

He pulled up in front of my home.  
"Are you ok?" I asked Peeta, recalling how he had tackled the assailant.  
"I'm fine." He replied, batting my concern for him away.  
"Will you come in for a minute?" I asked, not wanting to be on my own just yet.

We sat in the kitchen. I was still recoiling from the shock of what had happened, and trying not to think about what would have happened if Peeta hadn't been there. Restless, I got up to make him a drink, tea, no sugar.  
He took a sip and raised his eyebrows. "Thanks, that's just the way I like it."  
"Seems I still remember things about you," I said with a wry smile.

We sat together in companionable silence before Peeta raised calling the police to report what had happened. "I suppose you just want to forget about it," he'd got that right, "but you have to report this, it might help someone else if he's caught."  
"True", I consented, regretfully.  
After a call, it was agreed I could go down to the station the next day to give a statement. Peeta was to do the same. There was unlikely to be any forensic evidence to collect.

"You should try to get some sleep" Peeta advised me.  
"I don't sleep well as it is, you know, I still get the nightmares from what happened with Rue."  
I could see something was going on in his mind as he stared at me until I started to feel uncomfortable.  
"I just remembered the night on New Years Eve, you had a nightmare then didn't you?"  
I nodded. I hadn't realised how much his brain had been affected by the near-drowning.  
"Do you need me to stay?" He offered. "I can nap here in the chair, if I have one skill, it's being good at sleeping" he joked.  
I took his hand and squeezed it gently. "I don't deserve you being so kind to me."  
"Don't say that Katniss. Stop blaming yourself for things that are totally out of your control."

I showered and climbed under my sheets. The security of knowing Peeta was close by helped me to let my guard down and for once I was asleep within a few minutes.

As always I woke at 3 am. "No nightmare," I noted to myself. I had just been woken by my body's routine, and the need to check for danger. Then I remembered that Peeta was in the kitchen, keeping watch. I wondered if he had managed to get some sleep. I crept out of my room so as not to disturb him. I slowly opened the kitchen door to peep at him. He was far from sleeping. He was kneading his fists into a ball of dough, then squeezing it together before repeating the action again. I studied his face, he looked like his mind was working on something deep inside him whilst his hands worked the dough. His breathing was shallow, and he licked his lips in concentration. Once again, I was taken by the sight of him as my eyes moved down from his face to his lean physique. I could feel a blush on my neck and made myself stop ogling him. As I looked back at his face he looked up, sensing my presence.

"Katniss, did you have a nightmare? I didn't wake you did I?"  
"No, it's just my 3 o'clock habit. What are you doing?"  
"I hope you don't mind, I find baking therapeutic, when I need to work a thought through, you know? It's bread, I was going to make some rolls for breakfast"  
"I'm surprised you found the ingredients! I haven't baked since Christmas."  
"Well someone had left a packet of yeast in the cupboard, just in case a crazy baker boy happened to stay the night, huh?" he teased.  
"Actually, I noticed you have quite a bit of cheese in your refrigerator, could I use some to turn these into cheese buns?"  
"Oh yes, please do, that sounds delicious" my appetite had come back with a vengeance.  
"Do you mind if I sit here and watch you?" I asked, aware of how he had appeared engrossed in a private moment.  
"It's your kitchen, Katniss, of course I don't mind, it's good to have your company."  
He turned back to his baking adding the cheese.

I switched on the radio as I was in the habit of doing at this time. I liked to hear the voices on late night talk shows. Insomniacs of the world united.  
Peeta put the buns in the bottom of the oven to rise and made us both some warm milk.  
I cradled the mug as we listened to a caller. She started off saying she had been involved in three road traffic accidents this year. This was a bit close to the bone. Peeta reached across to thread his fingers through mine. She continued with her story, and it became apparent she was complaining about the government; she had a confused idea they put 'deer crossing' signs up to direct deer to cross on busy highways. (https://youtu.be/RFCrJleggrI)  
The tension broke as we both laughed at the same time.

I found myself completely at ease in Peeta's company, more so even than at New Year when my emotions had been all over the place. I remembered him suggesting we could maybe be friends, and it seemed that, against the odds, we had found our way back to that place.

The smell of rising yeast had already started to tempt my senses. I knew that I was going to enjoy eating these buns more than anything I'd eaten for a long time. The kitchen was warm with the heat from the oven and I couldn't help but yawn. Peeta, moved his chair round and pulled me in to lean on his chest. He reached out to stroke my hair, gradually starting to circle his fingers into my scalp. My eyelids were so heavy.

"Come on," he whispered "I 'll take you back to bed."  
He gathered me up and carried me back to my room, tucking me under the sheets. It felt strange to be cared for like this, strange, but pleasant.

He stroked my hair again and then stood to leave.  
"Please don't stop" I quietly pleaded. " It's so soothing."  
Ok, he smiled and continued to massage my scalp until I fell asleep.

The bed was heavy when I awoke, the covers pressed tightly over me. I struggled to free my arms before opening my eyes, I knew I was at home but the feeling of being trapped reminded me of the assault. At the same time there was a delicious smell, my eyelids fluttered open to find Peeta lying next to me but on top of the covers. He snored gently making me smile.  
"Don't snore" I whispered into his ear, gently tickling him so he would turn on his side.  
I hadn't expected his face to be quite so close to mine when he rolled towards me, still sleeping.  
He looked younger as he slept, his face peaceful and relaxed instead of constantly trying to work everything out.  
I had such a strong urge to put my lips on his, not a kiss so much as to feel how soft they would be, to taste his mouth again.  
I stopped myself and gently blew air across him instead.  
His eyes opened to look directly into mine, after a moment coming to, he smiled at me.  
"Cheese buns" he said and sat up, surprising me with his sudden action.  
He offered a hand to pull me up too and led me to the kitchen.

He must have gone back to the kitchen before falling asleep with me as the buns had been perfectly baked. I couldn't help but groan with satisfaction as I bit into the warm salty dough.  
Four buns down, I had finally had my fill. 

Despite having had less sleep than I had, and still being unshowered, Peeta insisted on taking me to the police station in Johanna' s car. The situation echoed with memories of our previous visit to the police, leaving me feeling strangely guilty even though I was the victim this time. Our statements were taken separately and photographs were taken of the bruising to my face. Then Peeta dropped me back home before taking the car back for Johanna.

I missed him as soon as he left. Comforting myself with the remaining cheese buns I made a mental note to myself to always keep flour and yeast in stock, just in case he ever came back.

Around 5 pm I got a call from Johanna. I was expecting abuse for my lack of guts, but instead she was sheepish. "I'm sorry Katniss, I've just got so used to thinking only about myself, I shouldn't have put you at risk." (Johanna never knew her father and then her mother died whilst she was a teenager. Her grandmother also died a couple of years ago. She had learned to be fiercely independent).

"You heard what happened then?"

"Oh yes," despite her apologising I could hear a smirk in her tone, "I have been thoroughly told off by Mr Mellark. I won't dare upset you ever again for fear you would turn loverboy on me."  
I blushed, glad she couldn't see me.  
"Actually, I might upset you on purpose to get another dressing down. It was rather arousing!"  
I scowled at this, unhappy at Johanna talking about Peeta in this way, even if I had wrecked any claim I may have had on him.  
She laughed down the phone, " I think I hit a nerve there..." 

I got back to work on Monday, keeping busy was the only thing to do.

I didn't make any plans for my birthday, I didn't want any fuss, but Prim and my mother came round and took me out for lunch.  
I came back to find a cake box on the doorstep. Inside was a beautifully iced cake, decorated with sugar flowers and musical notes. Prim and my mother had no idea about it. There was only one person who it could be from. I texted Peeta.

"Someone left a cake on my doorstep. Do you think it's safe to eat?"  
After a couple of minutes he replied.  
"Maybe test it on someone else first, to check it's not poison"  
"Too late we're already half way through it. It's beautiful and delicious, thank you"  
"Happy birthday"

He's actually quite a good baker my mother grudgingly admitted, to my amusement.

I hoped Peeta would message me again but I heard nothing from him and I couldn't think what I wanted to say to him. So once again the silence grew between us.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
It was nearly the end of May when I got a surprise call from Delly.  
"Hey Katniss, I wondered if you would like to come round to mine on Saturday? I just thought we could get to know each other a bit better."  
Cautiously I agreed, this was bound to involve talking about Peeta, but we seemed to be moving in the same circles now, and I was curious to know more about her.  
I took the bus across town to Delly's smart apartment, to be there for 7pm. She had implied we would go out to a bar, so I was confused when the smell of something good to eat met me at her door. My stomach growled, I had been too nervous all day to eat. She must have been watching for me to arrive as she opened the door before I could knock. I was treated to one of her beaming smiles and asked to have a seat whilst she got her bag and coat. Just then her phone rang.  
"Who's that Delly?"  
My heart stopped, surely she couldn't be so obvious?  
She put down the phone as Peeta came through from the kitchen, he looked like he had seen a ghost when he caught sight of me.  
Give her her dues, she was a fast mover.  
"Sorry guys, something's come up, I'll have to go. I'll be back by midnight," and she was out the door before either of us could speak.  
Peeta was first to find his tongue,  
"I think we've been set up."  
It felt like finally having my thirst quenched, to hear his voice again. I hadn't realised how much I had missed that sound.  
"Do you want me to stay?"  
"Well, I have made enough for two." he was smiling at me again.  
My thoughts slipped out of my mouth, "I have really missed you."  
That was enough for him. He wrapped his arms around me, his lips brushing against the skin of my neck, and we stayed like that, relishing the feeling of closeness until the sound of a pan boiling over took him back to the kitchen.  
He had made his own ravioli with goats cheese and fresh tomato sauce and salad. We ate slowly, savouring the tastes of the meal and the feeling of what this could be like, eating together like a couple. It was surprisingly easy, even with us both drinking only water; we seemed to fit. After there was a homemade rich chocolate brownie and coffee , and we found ourselves snuggled up on the sofa with our legs entwined. I was hoping he would kiss me, when Delly came back a bit earlier than promised.  
"Hi there" she breezed "I thought I better check everything was o.k."  
"Now, I am going to have to ask Peeta to take you home, as I realised I agreed to help with the Sunday School in the morning, and I need my beauty sleep."  
I couldn't help but smile, as her direct manner reminded me of Johanna, but their reasons for needing me out of their flat on a Saturday night couldn't be more different.  
"I'll wash up, don't worry about that, I just hope you have managed to sort things out. Make sure you get her home safe now Peeta." And we were bundled off.  
"So,"he asked as we drove off, "what do you think?"  
"I don't want to go home just yet."  
He took me to his place, where I ended up telling him more about my nightmares and being depressed, realising I maybe took after my mother in ways I wouldn't want to admit. He talked about his family too and, at last, we understood each other. It was honest, but one of the least sexy conversations I could have come up with. By 2 am we decided to sleep. He offered me his bed, saying he would stay on the sofa, but I persuaded him to stay with me.  
We still hadn't kissed as I drifted off to sleep lying next to him, not quite able to reclaim my place on his chest.  
  
The sun came shining in through the window, Peeta was lying behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist. I felt happy.  
I waited. Where would the fear come from?, who would scream with pain first?  
It took a couple of minutes to realise this wasn't a dream, this was real, I really was happy, lying safe in Peeta's arms.  
His breath behind my ear sent a delicious shiver through me. Smiling to myself, I wriggled my bottom a little, aware it was cushioned by his crotch.  
His arms wrapped around me a little tighter, and I could feel his hips gently reply.  
"Did you sleep well?" He murmured, kissing the back of my neck.  
"I had forgotten what a good night's sleep was," I managed to reply, completely distracted by the feeling of his lips, warm and soft, slowly paying attention to the skin from my nape to my shoulders.  
I rolled my hips in appreciation, my breaths already shortening.  
His hand softly ran over my breast, still covered by a t-shirt, his fingers drawing circles around the nipple until it was hard.  
"I don't have any condoms," he sighed, licking his way back up my neck until he nibbled on my ear lobe.  
I could feel his cock, still held within his boxers, pressing hard against my back.  
He already had me wet and aching for him.  
"I am on the pill, to regulate my periods" I let him know. "And I had tests and was found clean after I found out about Dale having another partner. I've always used condoms since then."  
He paused, his fingers still circling my breast.  
"I've always used a condom...Are you saying you would like to go ahead with this, as we are?" He checked.  
"Yes, if that would feel ok for you?" I don't know how we were managing the self control to have this conversation but we needed to be sure we both agreed on this step.  
"I trust you Peeta", it might not have sounded like a turn on, but for me it was a big deal.  
He understood. He slowly removed my t-shirt and helped me to slide my pants off my legs, then removed his boxers.  
We stayed spooning, his hand reaching down over my hip to feel how wet I was for him, pressing on my clit, then rubbing, before gently putting a finger inside me, sliding it in and out, adding another. I rolled and ground my buttocks into him, raising my backside up to make it easier for him to slide his cock inside, in place of his fingers. I squealed softly at the size of him, stretching me. We stayed joined together for some time without racing for a climax, slowly moving into each other, grinding in a slow dance, enjoying the feeling of our skin connecting. He continued to kiss my neck and stroke my skin and I could feel the heat rising up through me, making me start to pant. I touched myself without any feeling of embarrassment, lost in the feeling as my orgasm built.  
"Katniss," he gasped, starting to push further into me, his fingers pulling at my hips, thrusting faster, he was hitting a place inside me that brought me up to a peak. I cried out with pure pleasure. He kept me going for a little while longer, at last filling me with his cum.  
I didn't want him to come out, but I needed to see his face. There he was, blonde and beautiful, with his lopsided grin. As he got up to get a cloth (giving me a fantastic view of his strong, muscled body) I promised myself no-one would ever hurt him again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 4  
"Katniss, am I dreaming or did you just tell me you love me?"  
He was laughing and I was scowling (of course). Even three months in the sunshine of Peeta's devotion couldn't completely stop me from being my moody self. We had been bickering about what to watch on T.V. and the words had popped out of my mouth;  
"Just because I love you...."  


I took his beautiful, kind face in my hands, drawing my thumbs across his skin and bones, as I lost myself in his intense gaze.  
I was just fully taking it in myself. He was the only one I would ever need. It scared me as I realised how my life now depended on him. If anything happened to him, I wouldn't survive.  
"I'm going for a run, do you want to come?" I said, avoiding any more discussion about love.

Since Delly's intervention we had become inseparable. The evening after our reunion, I had gone home with such a feeling of contentment. But I was still terrorised during the night , by 3 am I was awake screaming and alone. And then, he called me having woken at 3 am too, some part of us had connected and he had known I needed him. We decided then I should move in to his place. "Nearly drowning has taught me something Katniss, life’s too short for us to play any more games."  
I felt different around him, lighter in my soul somehow. It was the best time of my life, having someone who accepted and loved me as I was and to feel the same way about him too. I felt more whole as a person.  
But it was impossible for me to entirely give up my habit of keeping my true feelings hidden away.

We enjoyed doing normal day to day things together, making and eating a meal, going to the gym, watching T.V. (Perhaps a few too many cooking shows for my liking!). 

We also shared our creativity. I wrote a song for Posy, and Peeta painted illustrations for the words turning it into a book; a special gift for the little girl. He loved children. They still frightened me, at least until they got a few years on them. Babies just seemed too fragile to risk getting attached to.  
Prim thought he was wonderful of course; and Peeta even won my mother round with his barrage of home baked goods.  
Xxxxxx  
There was just one week left of the summer before Peeta would be back to work. Finnick and Annie had offered us the private use of the cabin for a break. I had mixed feelings about returning. There was the romance of going back to the place we had first felt our connection, but the ghost of Rue, and my grief and guilt were far from being laid to rest.  
"Maybe, I could find some way of paying my respects whilst we are up there?" I was mulling it over with Peeta over lunch before we set off on our trip. From the back of my mind came a memory from the day Rue died. "I have something that I need to return to the family; perhaps I could meet them and let them know how sorry I am?"  
"What do you need to return?" he asked, puzzled.  
I went and found the memory card I had taken from her hand that day as she lay shaking in the snow. It was still in the pocket of my travel bag, tucked into the finger of a glove. I had been determined to keep it safe for her, having been so reckless with her life it was the least I could do.  
"She had this in her hand; I didn't want it to get lost in the snow so I have been keeping it safe for her."  
He touched my braid of hair and kissed me lovingly on the cheek. "You'd like to keep us tucked away, safe from harm like that, wouldn't you?"  
He knew me too well...  
The drive up to the cabin couldn't have been more different than the last time. The sun was warm and low in the sky; the trees were still full of summer leaves and early autumn fruits. Peeta was a safe driver. We put on our favourite playlist and the miles rolled by.  
  
We arrived just before sunset as the sky was streaked with colours; pink, red, orange, yellow and gold. Peeta turned off the ignition and we got out, stretching our limbs back to life. Instead of going straight into the cabin he led me over to a fallen tree and we sat there in the warm evening, taking in the stillness of the forest, broken only by the sound of birdsong.  
"I know we haven't been together long," his voice was quiet, but his words were clear. He had my full attention. "But I know for certain, in my head, my heart and my soul, that I could never feel about anyone else the way I feel about you. I love you more than life itself. I want to take care of you, be there for you whatever life may bring. I promise that I will always do whatever is in my power to make things good for you."  
He brought a ring out of his jacket pocket. It was gold with a pearl setting, unusual, a vintage piece.  
"Would you wear this ring Katniss?" He asked faltering slightly. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."  
Tears had been welling up in my eyes and now they spilled over, making their way over my cheeks.  
"Thank you Peeta" (I never seemed to say quite the right words).  
"Yes"(that was what I meant to say)  
"Yes, I will wear your ring, yes; I want to spend the rest of my life with you, yes, yes"  
The tension broke and he was kissing me, soft kisses mixed with our tears that grew more passionate as our hunger for each other was released. He carried me over to the door, our noses still touching; eyes alight with joy and expectation.  
Once inside, I stopped him and took a step back. I wanted to get a long look at this man who I could now say was mine and mine alone. His was lit from behind by the last rays of the evening sun, the golden light glinting in his hair and on his skin. He was overwhelmingly beautiful to me.  
I started to undress him, not letting him take charge, I wanted to control him. I could see how much he wanted me, but , for once, it was me who didn’t want to rush. Once I had him naked, I turned him around surveying his skin, his muscles, his being. “Am I acceptable to you?” he asked with a twinkle in his eye.  
“Shush, I am eyeing up the goods” I laughed.  
I told him to lie down on the rug in the lounge, the place where we had first had furious, impatient sex, two people who couldn’t stand each others company! The ice was now well and truly broken between us, melted away by the heat ignited that night.  
I undressed for him, slowly, knowing he liked to watch me, and twirled around for him. “Are you sure this is the one you want?” I asked playfully.  
“No shadow of a doubt.”  
He reached up to me and I let him pull me to him, so that we were sat facing each other, my thighs over his, feet wrapped behind him, our cores meeting.  
His breath on my neck was enough to make my nipples taut. He touched me, feeling how wet I was for him, thumbing my clit. “I love you Katniss.”  
“I love you too” I smiled and pressed myself down onto him, relishing the feeling of taking him in, deep inside me. We started to rock together, our eyes just centimetres from each other as we started to climb. I was so happy inside, bubbles of laughter rose out of me, it was infectious, his face was beaming as he started to move me up and down over his cock with some force, making my breast bounce. “I fucking love you Katniss” he swore, his exertion telling in his voice. I used his shoulders to steady me and thrust myself down onto him repeatedly. “I love fucking you Peeta”, and then I couldn’t manage to form words, the feeling of his hard cock banging inside me making me shout out with every beat, my muscles clenching around him until he could take no more, releasing all he had into me.  
xxxxxxxxxxx  
After two days filled with love making and food, we decided it was time to venture out. I was like a taut wire at the thought of speaking to someone about Rue, but I must have caught something off Peeta, as I had this strange feeling inside me (I think they call it hope) that I might be able to find a little bit of peace in the town. I felt sick to the stomach as we parked up on the street near the cafe where Peeta had bought her bread and soup. My fingers rolled the pearl ring round; its cool touch soothed me, a constant reminder that no matter what I thought of myself, Peeta considered me worthy of his love.  
A bell rang as we opened the door to the cafe. I recognised the man behind the counter, but doubted that he would know us. We ordered hot chocolate, I didn't think my heart could cope with caffeine on top of the adrenaline flooding my bloodstream, and took a seat at the table by the window.  
He brought the drinks over and paused, looking at us, trying to place us. "I know this might sound strange, but you look familiar somehow?"  
"Well, we were up here for a break at New years" Peeta spoke in his assured way, holding my hand tight under the table. "You must have a very good memory to have picked us out from all the folks that must pass through."  
"Oh yes," he smiled, "there are some faces you just never forget!"  
His words were friendly, but the hairs on my neck felt something wasn't quite right, I caught Peeta's eye, to try to signal to him.  
"Mmm that chocolate looks delicious" I spoke up to try to change the conversation.  
Peeta picked up on what I was doing and took a sip of his drink.  
"Mmm, yes, thank you" he said, turning back to me, making it clear the waiter was outstaying his welcome.  
His eyes spoke the question avoiding the need for words.  
"Do you ever get a feeling that something isn’t quite right?” I asked.  
We were quiet as we drank, uncertain where to go from here. I didn't feel comfortable talking to the waiter about Rue, I had to trust my instincts on this.  
The bell rang out as a muscular young man came in. He was slightly breathless, and flustered. The waiter nodded to him and indicated our table.  
He strode over, forcefully offering his hand out so that it would have been a direct insult to refuse it. "Hi, I'm Cato," he sat down, not waiting to be invited. "I am sure you will understand that my friend, he looked over at the waiter, had to let me know you were here. I have been waiting all these months hoping you would come back, so that I could talk to you."  
We remained silent not sure what was going on.  
"My sister, Rue, was killed in a car accident around Christmas time."  
He was waiting for a response, watching us closely. It reminded me of a wildcat stalking its prey. I wasn't going to fall so easily into his trap though. As I watched him, I knew where I had seen him, the shape of his body, the aggressive way he moved. I saw him often in my driving mirror, caught a fleeting glimpse of him when I looked out the window, chasing down the street after Rue. I didn't believe that this was her brother, if it was, why had he watched from the corner of the street as she lay clinging on for life. If that had been his sister he would have been there with her, giving her something to hold on to, soothing her way.  
He was looking angrier now as neither of us took him on.  
"I believe it was you who killed her."  
He had me cornered now; I hadn't seen this line of attack coming.  
I still couldn't speak.  
Peeta's face was directed at me, trying to work out his best move.  
"I am so sorry", Peeta said remaining calm, trying to pacify Cato. "We certainly haven't come to cause any trouble."  
Cato did appear to relax a little; he was trying not to lose his temper.  
"That's ok," he replied, "the main thing that is troubling our family, is that Rue had something very important to us with her on the day she was killed. Without it we can't move on and find peace. We have looked everywhere, asked the hospital and ambulance staff, but no one has seen it. It seems that you may have taken it. I am sure you wouldn't have wanted to cause us so much distress."  
"What is it?" I spoke for the first time and his wild, wide eyes took me in. I had the feeling he could tell that I already knew what he was looking for.  
"A memory card, for a mobile phone."  
"Sorry I can't help you." I didn't know what was going on but I knew I didn't feel safe around this man.  
"You're quite sure?" He clearly didn't believe me. Maybe he had seen me take it out of her hand?  
"Because I am sure you can imagine how important something like this can be. Put yourself in my shoes. How would you feel if anything happened to your little sister?"  
He was glaring.  
Peeta stood up and pulled me to my feet.  
"I know that words can never be enough in the face of grief, but we are truly sorry for your loss."  
He left some money on the table and, with his arm around my waist, guided me out.  
I waited until we had driven away from the town before speaking, the irrational part of my mind imagining we could still be overheard.  
"Did you recognise him?"  
Peeta nodded, "I think so, the man who was chasing Rue"  
"I don't understand what that was all about, but it didn't feel right to hand anything over to him, when he was clearly lying to get it."  
The romance had been stolen from our holiday. We went to bed early and were both content to just hold on to each other.  
With the steady beat of Peeta's heart in my ear, I was just falling off to sleep when it came to me, what had unsettled me. I sat up suddenly.  
"How did he know I have a sister?"  
"Cato said, 'how would you feel if anything happened to your little sister'."  
"I don't think he could have meant Prim, he was just trying to make you feel bad for him."  
I tried to be reassured, but Cato’s tone had been very threatening.  
I wanted to call Prim but knew she was on nights again. She worked so hard, my wonderful sister. The thought of anything happening to her really was too much to bear.  
After a restless night and picking at the breakfast of pancakes made by Peeta, it was finally time that I could call her. I just needed to hear her sweet voice.  
The phone rang continuously, no answer. By the fourth time I was inconsolable, tears and snot running down my face, unable to sit down.  
Peeta called the hospital for me; perhaps an emergency had held her up at work. His face went pale at the reply. "She didn't show up for her shift last night".  
I was wild, alternating between wailing and clinging to Peeta like a child.  
He took control, putting our bags in the car as quickly as he could. We decided not to call my mother just yet. Instead I called Gale.  
Gale had joined the police force after school, like his father before him, and was already a senior officer in his unit. I had known him since he started dating Madge when he was a senior in high school and she was a freshman. He had always seemed so impressively more experienced back then, and in my mind he was still the father figure of our group. Surely he would know what to do. "O.k. Katniss, I will go round to her home and start making some gentle enquiries. I won't alarm your mother. You can rely on me." It was very reassuring to have someone so unphased by the situation. He didn't seem to think there was reason to panic.  
Peeta drove faster than he should have, and we arrived at the house where Prim and my mother lived in not much more than a couple of hours. Gale's car was parked outside. Prim's car was not. Mum was a nurse and would be at the hospital working at this time.  
"Where is she Gale?" I demanded, unreasonably expecting him to have all the answers.  
“She left here for her shift at the usual time. She was in good spirits. There was nothing unusual noted."  
"For fuck’s sake Gale" what are you doing about it?"  
"We have a missing person file opened, all units are on alert with a description of her."  
His words were meaningless; I was so disappointed in him.  
I sank into a chair; my mind was trying to locate her, calling out to her.  
As if responding to my call, my phone rang, it was her number. I put her on speaker phone.  
"Prim, where are you? We have been so worried. Are you o.k?"  
I was in no way prepared for her reply.  
"Katniss, help me, please," she begged. I had never heard her sound like this, so scared, and in pain. "Katniss..." and then she screamed. Before I could call out to her the line was cut off.  
I didn't realise that I was screaming too for some minutes. My nightmares had finally taken over my daylight world, and, just as at night, all I could do was cling to Peeta, I felt so close to disappearing across the line that keeps us from insanity and was no longer sure which side of the line I wanted to be.  
Gale looked shocked; he clearly had thought this was a routine incident with a simple explanation. He had no idea about the world of danger I had opened up to my friends and family that fateful day in the snow. I shook in Peeta's arms, allowing him to tell Gale what had happened as far as he understood it.  
"Where is this memory card?" Gale asked.  
I took it out of my pocket and handed it to him. I wanted rid of it. I wanted Prim back.  
"Leave this with me. We need to put a trace on your phone; we can locate Prim through her phone. This situation is far from hopeless Katniss." He gave me a brief hug and left. I felt so grateful that he was going to take some actions. I was at a loss what to do.  
Peeta's voice was trembling, but he was staying in control. "I think you should wait here, and I will go and get your mother. She has to know about this, but not over the phone. She should be here with you too."  
I needed Peeta to think like this for me. He knew there were times when families had to pull together.  
"Katniss, I am not going to ask if you will be ok whilst I am gone, I want you to promise me that you will be ok. It takes twenty minutes each way to the hospital, so I may be an hour. You need to do something to keep your mind occupied." He spotted a tangle of mobile phone cables, "maybe start with untangling these?" He hugged me close before leaving.  
I started on the wires as I didn't know what else to do.  
He had only been gone 10 minutes when I realised there was someone else in the room. A tall, man with military bearing, in an expensive looking suit. I hadn’t heard him come in. Had he been in the house all this time?  
"Miss Everdeen, my employer wishes to speak with you." He took my arm, I was too dazed to resist, and I allowed myself to be led to a car with blacked out windows, parked at the rear of the house.  
Inside, I found myself seated next to a gaunt man with a white beard. I knew his face from somewhere.  
"Miss Everdeen, you have something that belongs to me." His voice was cold. "Now I have something of yours," he held up a phone, the screen shockingly filled with my sister's face, a blood red line cut across her cheek, and tears in her eyes. “I am sure we can come to an agreement."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think my tenses might be all over the place.

The ice in his voice went through my skin and into my heart. I was frozen with fear, like a mouse before the snake pounces, “but I am not a mouse, I thought to myself, I am Katniss Everdeen, I am a survivor.”  
"Where is she?" I demanded, forcing myself to speak, hiding the fear again.  
"You have no right to hurt her. If you have an issue with me, you can take it out on me directly." I was trying to shake the image of Prim from my mind; she must be so scared and confused.  
"You stole something, and that has caused me considerable damage," he remained emotionless.  
"I didn't steal it; I was looking after it for Rue."  
He shook his head at me, dismissing the argument.  
"It was not the girl's property. She had not kept to her role.”  
He looked at me, making his analysis of my character.  
“I don't think you are the sort of young woman who looks for trouble.”  
“No." He was right about that, plenty of trouble seemed to come my way, but all I really wanted was a quiet life, a full belly, someone to hold on to at night; I really had very few requirements for life.  
"So we can end this on good terms. Give me the memory card and your sister will return, and we will never hear of this "episode" again."  
"...I haven't got it with me. I gave it to my friend."  
"Peeta? No matter, he is being trailed; we can take it from him easily enough.”  
No, not Peeta! The thought of Peeta AND Prim in the power of this evil was more than I could take. This was confirming what I had known in my heart for so long. I am dangerous; I hurt those who love me. I should never have risked Peeta’s life again by taking his ring.  
"Gale, Gale has it.”  
"Gale?"  
"The policeman, my friend’s husband. I'll go and get it from him now.”  
“Good. Then you will bring the memory card back to me, in one hour exactly, I will be here."  
“What about Prim, ... my sister?”  
“When I have my property returned safely to me, she will be returned to you. It's really not very complicated. You will not mention our meeting to anyone; if you do I will no longer feel obliged to keep my side of the bargain.”  
I watched him closely, trying to take in what was happening.  
“You had better get going Miss Everdeen.”

I climbed from the car, visibly shaking. The vehicle smoothly pulled away, quietly disappearing down the street. The road looked just as it always did. I was having difficulty holding on to what was real. Surely this couldn't be happening. Prim! She had looked so scared. I ran straight back into the house and dialled Gale’s number. Thank goodness he answered first time.  
“Gale…” I started,  
“It's ok Katniss, we have found her.”  
“You've found her! Oh Gale, how will I ever thank you, I was so scared. How is she, are you bringing her home now?”  
“We will have her with you as soon as possible," he was using his official voice. "We were able to locate her, using her phone, she's not far away. We’re just getting a rescue squad together now.”  
The life drained out of me again. “No Gale, there's no time for that. I have to have the memory card back,” I wanted to explain to him that I had to return it within the hour and then Prim would be returned to me, but I remembered the warning, I couldn’t tell him about the meeting, or Prim’s life would be at risk.  
“Sorry Katniss, I can't allow that. That memory card is vital evidence. This is clearly something very big, for Prim to have been kidnapped. I don't know if you realise what you have become involved in. There is so much more going on here.”  
I was furious. How dare he reduce the importance of my sister's life, to being of less worth than some criminal investigation?  
"You will bring me that memory card, now,” I screamed.  
“No Katniss, you need to leave this to the police now. Don't worry; we have experts on the job. Prim will soon be safe back home, I promise you.”  
He put his phone down before I could say anything else. I was distraught. I could see the clock ticking. What would they do to Prim if I didn't get the memory card, it just didn't bear thinking about. “Oh Prim”, I sobbed, “I'm sorry, what have I done to you?” I held my head in my hands and willed myself to think, I had to stay focused I couldn't just give in. Prim believed in me.  
“Gale,” I thought, I had to get to him and get the memory card back. If he didn't have it, he would have to tell me where Prim was. And then I would bring her home myself.  
I called Madge. "Oh Katniss", she started. More time wasting sympathy, I had no patience for this.  
“I need to know where Gale is NOW,” I was trying not to shout.  
I heard the door shut and Peeta's voice call out to me. He had returned with my mother, she looked grey; she wouldn't survive this, if anything was to happen to Prim, her world would end.  
Madge replied, calmer than I expected, "He's at the station as far as I know, they are getting a squad together to rescue Prim, he called me just a minute ago. I always get so scared for him when he is involved in anything like this. It's hard being a police officer’s wife, and all the more now we have little Posy. She needs her daddy."  
In my ever selfish way I hadn't thought of this, Gale was putting his own life at risk too. There were too many feelings fighting within me. I was so angry with Gale for putting Prim's life at risk, thinking he knew better than me. But he was putting his own life on the line to save her, and he must have thought he was doing the right thing.  
Peeta's arm was around me, holding me up, as I started to sway, overwhelmed by it all.  
Madge spoke," We just have to stay strong Katniss, that's all we can do."  
She was right. I ended the call and took Peeta’s hand. My mother sat down, completely silent. I had seen her like this before, she shut down to the point where she was unreachable. I didn’t bother speaking to her, I was not being heartless, I knew I couldn't help her with words at the moment.  
“What's going on Katniss?” Peeta's voice could still find me, through all the confusion of thoughts and feelings.  
“I have to get the memory card back from Gale.”  
He looked puzzled but didn't waste time with questions.  
" O.k., I'll drive"  
"Mum," I raised my voice a little to try to break into her stupor.  
"We are going to help get Prim back. Gale knows where she is, he said it’s not far and he was hopeful we would have her back soon." I felt cruel lying to her, but she had to have something to hold on to whilst we were gone.

Peeta had the engine running as soon as I hit the car seat.  
"Do you know where Gale is?" he asked, awaiting his orders.  
“We'll have to start with the police station, Madge said he was still there.” I noted the time, I needed to be back for ‘the snake' in 30 minutes (that was how I thought of the cold, cruel man I had met in the car, the owner of the memory card); I had to make this possible, somehow.  
"He's going to try to rescue Prim; they found her location using her phone.”  
“So why do you need to get the card?”  
I paused at this, I had been instructed to say nothing about my meeting.  
“Katniss, we promised each other, no more games.”  
I had to keep trusting Peeta, if that stopped, I would be lost.  
I told him about being taken out to the car and meeting the snake. It was hard to believe it had really happened. “Prim has been hurt, Peeta, we have to get her to safety.”  
“Of course,” he agreed. “You thought you recognised him, the snake?”  
“I think I've seen him on the news, he might be a politician.”  
As we approached the police station, I saw Gales profile in a car driving past us.  
“U turn,” I shouted, “that was him!" at last a piece of luck going my way. 15 minutes to get the card and take it back. Not enough time, but once I had it in my hand I could call my mother and get her to explain. It wasn't much of a plan, but it was the best I could come up with.  
We followed Gale’s car for 10 minutes until it stopped outside a florists.  
Was Prim in there? It didn't make any sense, Prim's scared, scarred face, in a flower shop.  
Frustratingly, we had to park another 100 yards down the street, but we could still see Gale and a female officer get out the car and enter the shop. "She's in there," I was squeezing Peeta’s hand so tightly, my own fingers were numb.  
I needed to speak to Gale, to get the card, but I knew if I intercepted him now I could cause problems for everyone, including Prim, they would have a plan worked out. I didn't want to risk anyone's life by alerting Prim's captors to the rescue mission.  
A thought pushed its way to the front of my mind, how stupid could I have been, "he won't have the card with him here will he?”  
“Probably not. But it looks like his plan is going ahead anyway. They must have procedures for making rescues like this. Gale will know what he’s doing.”  
This now looked like the best we could hope for.  
I was rocking back and forth humming to myself without any self awareness, watching the numbers on the digital clock move forward. “It's too late,” I couldn't breathe, I felt trapped. “What can I do Peeta, I can't just sit here waiting.”  
Then the car with the blacked out windows pulled up, across the street from the shop.  
My heart stopped, the drivers door opened, it was Cato. He opened the door for the passenger, I expected to see 'the snake' but it was a young woman who emerged. “Prim!” I gasped. He had been going to keep his side of the deal. I couldn't bear to think how Prim must have felt, being taken to her home, and then I hadn't been there to release her. I had failed her.  
Prim was taken by Cato into the shop. What would be going on in there? I couldn't sit here any longer knowing she was so close. I noticed there was a window open on the first floor. I could climb up, using the drain pipe, like I used to climb the trees to hide away when I didn't want to be found by my parents.  
“I’m going in through the window,” I told Peeta. He held my cheek, knowing he couldn't stop me once I had a plan.  
“I can't climb up there, I'm too heavy,” he said, his voice loaded with regret. I hadn't expected him to. He was right; the pipes wouldn't hold his weight. He kissed me lightly, “Please be careful.” I think he knew it was too late for that.  
I climbed up to the window easily. I heeded Peeta's words enough to stop and look in before pulling myself into the building. At first I thought the room was empty, but as my eyes adjusted to the light, I saw her. Cato had her in a hold, his hand over her mouth; he was behind the door, a gun in his other hand, trained on the corridor. It was a moment that lasted seconds but seemed longer. Prim saw me, our eyes connected; she knew I was here with her. Two gun shots were fired. Cato fell to the ground; I pulled myself in through the window to get to my sister as she stumbled towards me. Gale came running through into the room, crossing to us as I heard another shot from downstairs, the sound of feet pounding up the staircase. “Get down!” Gale shouted as I clung on to Prim, gathering her close, endeavouring to keep her safe in my arms. “It's ok I'm here,” my words were drowned out by gun fire. I watched as a bullet ricocheted off the window frame, hitting her temple. Her body jumped in my arms; afterwards I would think of this as the moment her soul had left her body. Her death was very quick; I think I am supposed to be grateful for that. She lay limp in my arms, her face broken and covered with blood. I cried out like an animal, my plea for mercy. I felt a hard blow to the ribs and finally the darkness came to put me out of my misery.  
Xxxxxxxxxxx  
  
Someone was stroking my hair. They weren’t doing it right. It was annoying.  
“Katniss, can you hear me,” a strangers voice.  
“What?” I asked, irritated at being woken up, my head was banging, my body ached.  
“Katniss you’re in hospital, you have had an operation. We are going to take care of you.”  
I opened my eyes to see a nurse. Something very bad had happened, but I couldn’t quite remember what. I felt so confused, I just had a strong feeling-something’s not right.  
“Where’s Peeta?”  
“Peeta’s in intensive care. He lost a lot of blood, but he’s fighting to stay with us.”  
I really didn’t understand what was going on. My stomach lurched and the nurse rushed to get a sick bowl. After vomiting I passed out again.  
The next day I woke up crying. Prim was dead. It had all come back to me. I didn’t bother speaking to the nurses. I wasn’t ready to eat; I still had a drip so they didn’t force the issue.  
Finnick and Annie came later on and helped me piece things together. Peeta had followed me into the florists using the front door. He had been at the top of the stairs when some other employees of the snake had arrived. He was shot in the back. They were responsible for the shooting in which Prim was killed, eventually being shot in turn by Gale and his police colleagues. Gale had only minor injuries, but Madge was keeping him at home. I had been shot in the spleen, which had now been removed. This meant nothing to me, I had already had my heart and soul removed, let them take anything else they wanted. There was going to be a court case once a full investigation had been carried out. There was some political scandal involved. I didn’t care. My sister, gentle, wise Prim had been taken from me. Nothing could make that right.  
“I need to see Peeta.”  
“I don’t think you are quite ready to move yet,” said Finnick, gently.  
My face said everything. That afternoon they took me to intensive care, so much quieter than the other wards, it gave me the chills. Peeta had woken but was still being sedated, the bullet had hit his spine and there was uncertainty about whether he would regain full use of his legs. He had been in so much pain; they thought it better to keep him anaesthetised until some nerve healing had taken place. I lay down on the bed by his side, held his hand and stared at the ceiling. I was so full of sorrow, there was no fight left in me. But I was where I belonged, at Peeta’s side.  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Two weeks later, Finnick and Annie took me home with them. My traitor of a body healed quickly and I was told it was better for me to be discharged, so I could start to rebuild my life. These surgeons really have a great sense of humour. It was another 2 months before Peeta came home, joining me at Finnick and Annie’s place. He still needed intensive physio, but it looked like he was going to walk again. I envied him having something concrete to work on, daily excercises, an achievable goal in sight. What was there for me? The only way I would see Prim again was… well, I wasn’t allowed to talk like that, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t think it.  
In less than twelve months I had killed two young women. It was hard to understand why I was still free to come and go as I pleased. On my worst days I started to think the police were coming for me and one day Annie even had to stop me from going down to the station to hand myself in. I then developed an idea that she had hidden camera's installed to watch me. By December I had stopped bothering to wash. I knew the stench of death was on me, I had to just accept it. Peeta finally insisted I see a psychiatrist. I wouldn’t talk but he left a prescription for some pills and Peeta snuck them into my food. I let him, because it was Peeta, and I owed him. Perhaps they helped a bit, I started to get some sleep, and eating became easier. I hated myself when I refused Peeta’s food and I was glad to start to notice his cooking again.  
My mother visited just once, to let me know she had put the house up for sale. She had found a live in position, nursing an old man on the other side of the country. She didn’t plan on coming back.  
“I will always love you Katniss, but I just have to get away.”  
“It’s o.k. mum, I understand.” I really meant it.  
I still clung to Peeta at night, but just didn’t have the urge for the intimacy we used to have. I was frightened, and he was too I guess. The longer we remained apart the harder it seemed to take that step again.  
It was a Sunday in late March when I woke to see him smiling at me. The spring sun was shining on him highlighting his golden hues. His chest was bare, and my breath caught at the unexpected sight of his exposed skin. “What?” I scowled. He put his arms under me and carried me to the master bathroom where Finnick and Annie had a large Spa Bath. He had filled it with warm water and bubbles scented with coconut and coco bean.  
“You think I need a bath?” I couldn’t help playing along.  
“I think you need a deep soaking.” He picked me up and dropped me in, still in my T-shirt and bed shorts. That I hadn’t expected and a shriek came out, the loudest noise I had made for a long time.  
He quickly shook his pyjama bottoms off and slipped into the water with me, pulling me onto his lap.  
“Those exercises are working,” I commented lightly, but inside I was shaking at the feeling of his skin on mine again.  
“It’s about time,” he replied ambiguously, smoothing the bubbles down my arms.  
“I’m scared,” I whispered.  
“Me too. I’m scared of losing you Katniss.”  
He leaned in and kissed me, his lips so full of tenderness and love. How could I hurt him again? I realised I had to let him know how important he was. I had been so full of self loathing that I hadn’t thought that he might have felt my withdrawal as rejection. I thought I was protecting him but I was making him doubt himself.  
I returned his kiss, willing my lips to take the message to him. “I love you” I repeated the words in my head rather than speaking out loud. My mouth was starting to want more, and I deepened the kiss. Our bodies reintroduced themselves as we kissed for a long time. I drew my fingers over his neck, chest, arms. We were changed. Our bodies and minds were not the same as that day he had asked me to wear his ring, but I was still his and he was mine. I removed my wet clothes rather clumsily. My senses were still dulled by the depression, so that, although I relished the feeling of his fingers on me, I didn’t get the surge of lust I always used to. He had never been the one to rush me, so there was no awkwardness. I placed his hand on the mound of hair between my legs and whispered to him, “Can we take it slowly?” He looked down at me with his beautiful smile, and kissed his reply back to me, his tongue warm and soft in my mouth, I was starting to remember how good he tasted. I ran my hand over his firm stomach to take his shaft. He was rubbing me gently around my folds, using his middle finger to skirt my entrance, flicking up at my clit now and again, letting my feeling for pleasure return gradually, not pushing me. He felt wonderful in my hand, soft outside but so firm and strong underneath. “Peeta” his name came from my lips unbidden, as though the full realisation of all he meant to me had just come back. He felt the change in me and started to give more attention to my breasts as he continued his other hands pursuit. This had always brought my arousal on, and I was so glad to find this hadn’t changed about me. He was working my clit now and I needed him.  
I turned to face him, straddling him in the water, feeling more buoyant and we rested our foreheads together, for a moment overcome.  
“Don’t stop now” I moaned and smiled at myself; that was me, impatient, demanding me. The me that Peeta still wanted. He guided me down onto his head and shaft, making me gasp and grip my fingers into his shoulders.  
The feeling of him inside me, filling me up was delicious. How could I have forgotten how good he was? I tilted my hips into him, bringing us closer still. He gripped my buttocks moving me against him. “You’re still my Katniss” he panted into my neck.  
“Always.”  
He pulled me in to him repeatedly, starting to thrust, the movement causing waves of water to overflow onto the floor. This only added to the intensity of my feelings, these were things that couldn’t be contained. Peeta came to his climax quickly; he must have been waiting several months for this. Watching him reach that moment gave me real pleasure. I didn’t need any more right now. I knew we would not be waiting long for this again.  
In fact we decided to go against the doctors orders to keep to a routine, and allowed ourselves a day in bed. That night we both slept soundly.

Through the spring Peeta somehow managed to do it again, he planted a seed of hope inside me. Over the coming weeks our wounds healed. Peeta’s spine and my mind grew back through our daily activities. I wrote down the words to the lullaby’s my father used to sing, telling Peeta what the words meant to me. He turned my imaginings into pictures, making another book in time for Posy’s first birthday. “Please be careful she doesn’t suck the colour off the pages, it might be toxic” I warned Madge unnecessarily, still nervous around her young daughter.  
Against the odds we found a new kind of normality. Over the summer Peeta and I moved back into his apartment. We decorated it together; who knew choosing colours was such an art form! It was impossible to live with Peeta and not have laughter in my life; and eventually I stopped trying to hold it back. He convinced me this was how life should be.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The school term had started back and Peeta was marking papers at the table whilst I sat on the sofa listening to music through my earphones, the TV was turned on with no sound. I looked up and there he was on the screen. The snake, the owner of the memory card. There had been a very long court case over the previous months. A senior politician had been found guilty of corruption involving money laundering, drug gangs, people trafficking, “the usual crap” as I sourly put it. I tried to avoid seeing any of it. There would be no justice for Prim. I was glad Gale had managed to keep our story out of it and I wasn’t called as a witness. He never knew about my meeting in the car, which probably helped me to stay out of it. The politician had been sent to prison for a long sentence and the media had moved on.

Seeing the snake's face brought it all flooding in, I was shaking again, no-one was safe. I pulled out the earphones and turned up the volume, alerting Peeta to my agitated state of mind.  
“It’s him.”  
He was speaking in his monotone about corruption in politics; saying that new laws would be passed so that this would never happen again. “He’s a supreme court judge! Justice Snow!" As I watched him, delivering his pious lies, with every word, my fear turned to anger. He was the one I held responsible for what had happened to Prim. He knew she was innocent, but he had used her as a pawn in his games. He couldn’t be allowed to get away with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearly finished, might be a week or so for the last chapter to appear, i dont want to rush the ending, and there are some bits in earlier chapters that need tidying up.  
> I have just changed the key to a memory card. Not read it through properly, it might not sound right in places. From the start I wasn't quite sure what the key would be for, but left it so I could get on with writing. Woke up this morning realising a memory card would make more sense.


	7. chapter 7

I became increasingly preoccupied with Justice Snow. Peeta was back at work, but Dr Aurelious (my psychiatrist) had me signed off after I let slip the reason I wouldn't talk to him was that I thought the room was bugged. It wouldn’t do to have his name attached to any psychotic patients causing problems in the community. In truth, I hadn’t had any real paranoia since a few weeks after starting the medication he prescribed, but I was happy to be let off routine work. He was probably too soft on me really; I think he was of the old style "time heals" school of psychiatry. He suggested I go back gradually, just a couple of days to start with, which suited me fine, I had lost interest in defending the forests for now, Prim needed me more. I knew she was gone but this still felt like something I could do for her.  
I put his name, Coriolanus Snow, into every search engine. I discovered he was from the town where I had killed Rue. This seemed like too much of a coincidence to be pure chance, but I couldn't get any more information about his life there, and definitely no dirt. He was pure white as far as the internet was concerned.  
I did feel pangs of guilt when ever Peeta asked what I had been doing all day. Assuming he would not approve, I didn't tell him just how much time I was spending on this. I had enough insight to know this wasn’t really healthy behaviour and started to lie by omission, even going to the extent of setting my alarm for an hour before he was due home to make sure I could do enough other stuff around the house to cover up the fact I had spent all day researching Snow.  
I wanted to find out what had been on that memory card? For Snow to risk coming to see me in person, it must have been very precious to him. Yet it hadn't incriminated him, his name hadn't come up during the trial. I was so frustrated, I just wanted the truth.  
The only idea for a lead I could come up with was to ask Gale. We had hardly spoken since Prim died. I knew he felt that he had let me down that day. And there was part of me that was still angry with him, a nagging thought in my mind that, if he had done things my way, Prim might still be alive.  
Peeta was pleased but a little suspicious when I suggested we invite Madge and Gale over for dinner. He was never happier than when he could cook for people, that was one of the ways he showed his love, but it wasn't like me to suggest a social gathering. "What's going on, Katniss?" He probed, "You have been acting weird all week."  
"I just want to have my friends around. Have them share in things getting back to normal for us," I lied. Peeta took me at my word, so I couldn't really complain when he said we should also invite Finnick and Annie, to thank them for all they did for us when we got out of hospital; and then we had to include Johanna and Delly, so they didn't feel excluded as single people.  
So Saturday night came, and I was hosting a dinner party for six guests. To say I was out of my comfort zone would be an understatement. I still wanted to try to find a chance to ask Gale about the memory card, which in our small apartment was not going to be easy with eight friends around a dinner table. I had an idea to get around this by asking Madge and Gale to come over an hour before the others on the pretext of Madge helping Peeta in the kitchen (she was another feeder). This totally back fired as Gale turned up loaded with beers and wine, and started pressing on Peeta to join him drinking. Since the incident when he had nearly drowned, Peeta only ever had a couple of beers over an evening at the most. I could tell he was out of practice with alcohol and it worried me.  
"Are you o.k.?" I asked as I saw him start on beer number 4 after only half an hour.  
"Yeah, I'm having a good time, how about you?"  
"A bit nervous. You won't drink too much, will you? That's your fourth beer since Gale arrived, and I think you had some wine whilst you were cooking."  
“Well I am honoured that you have noticed so much about me."  
I hated when he was sarcastic. “What's that supposed to mean?"  
“Just that you've been completely in your own world all week, you've hardly spoken in the evenings, and then you want to have friends around at the weekend. I was starting to think maybe you were avoiding having to be on your own with me.”  
“Don't be ridiculous!”  
“You think I'm ridiculous?”  
“You think I'm weird...”  
Luckily, before we could escalate into a full blown row, Johanna arrived, and I was kept busy for the rest of the night, smiling and laughing like a game show host.  
Despite the tension between Peeta and me, the party was a success, due to Peeta’s amazing food and the fact that our friends really were the best group of people going.  
Johanna and Delly, against all expectations, were getting along like a house on fire. Johanna found Delly hilarious, and Delly only saw the best in everyone, even Johanna. At 10pm they left to go to a club (Johanna was determined to corrupt Delly) and Madge was yearning to get back home to little Posy. I still hadn't had a chance to speak to Gale, so I lured him to the kitchen.  
"Come on Gale, we need to do our bit and wash up after Madge and Peeta have made such a great meal for us."  
He was a little drunk, and over affectionate, which made me uncomfortable. Way back, when Gale and Madge had first started dating, back in high school, he had once cornered me and kissed me at a party. I had been upset, but he always joked that it was my fault, that I sent out messages that made him think I wanted it. I never mentioned it to Madge, and was glad I hadn't with the way things turned out. I was pretty sure she would have chosen Gale over me.  
"How's it going Catnip?" he asked, standing just a fraction too close. Although everyone else thought Catnip was just Gale’s playful name for me, we both knew he was referring back to that kiss, implying that I had enticed him against his will.  
“Thought I could detect a bit of trouble brewing between you and Peeta earlier, hope he's treating you right?"  
I wasn't about to start talking to Gale about my relationship with Peeta; that certainly wasn't why I had brought him here.  
I had been practising what I would say in my head all day, "I need to put my mind to rest about something, to do with what happened to Prim. I think you might be able to help?"  
"I'll certainly try."  
“It's been driving me crazy, wondering what was on that memory card, that was so important someone would take Prim's life for it? Can you tell me?”  
“Ah, I'm sorry Katniss, but I never got to look at that. It clearly was vital evidence; we had a call shortly after you gave it to me, commanding it be sent straight to the justice department.”  
I felt like the walls were closing in on me; the justice department! Snow had managed to get hold of it anyway. I would never know what Prim's life had been taken for. The sobs overtook me. After all the weeks searching, feeling like I was going somewhere, the reality hit me again; Prim was gone, she had been shot dead, her life wasted, there was nothing I could do to change anything.  
Gale held me in his arms, whispering meaningless reassurances into my hair.  
"What's going on?," Peeta stood at the door, a dark look in his eye that frightened me. He really changed when he had too much to drink, all his insecurities came bubbling up to the surface.  
"Nothing" Gale answered before I could, which didn't help, his tone implying that he and I had some secret, which was blatantly not true.  
"Your wife is ready to go home," Peeta replied icily," she's missing her daughter."  
Peeta turned and left.  
"Are you going to be ok with him?” Gale checked.  
I just gave him one of my fiercest scowls, he was really overstepping the mark tonight, and followed Peeta back through to the lounge.  
  
Soon our friends had left and it was just the two of us again. I was wrung out with all the effort of entertaining and the emotional crash of knowing there was nothing left that I could do for Prim. I waited for Peeta to speak, he was better with words than me, but he was toxic with alcohol, stopping him from seeing things as they really were. "So what's going on with you and Gale Hawthorne?" Was all he could come up with.  
This just irritated me, was that all he could think about?, did he really have such a low opinion of me, to think there would be something "going on" with me and my best friends husband? Had my wearing his ring, and all we had said to each other over the past months meant nothing compared to seeing Gale give me a hug? The more I thought about it the more it made my blood boil.  
“If you can't trust me, that's your problem,” I shouted, too angry to see the irony of my words, me accusing Peeta of mistrust.  
“Is it? “He fought back, “So you're telling me that you haven't been hiding anything from me? I don't know what you're up to, Katniss, but I know it doesn't involve me."  
His being right just made me more annoyed, “Self righteous...,” I muttered to myself, not quite quietly enough so that Peeta could hear.  
He went and changed and came back with a blanket, "I'll sleep on the sofa, you take the bed'" he grunted.  
"Bloody martyr," I thought, managing not to say it out loud. He was succeeding in making me feel bad. Despite my anger, he looked so forlorn, I wanted to hold him and beg him to forgive me, but I was still too proud for that, so I slammed the bedroom door behind me. A lonely, sleepless night followed.  
I got up early, hearing Peeta moving around in the kitchen, and went to join him. Unfortunately the lack of sleep had only made me more bad tempered. He didn’t speak, and rather than trying to smooth things, I was in the mood for a row.  
I started on him, “How dare you accuse me of being ‘up to something’ with Gale Hawthorne. Is that what you really think of me?”  
“I’m sorry Katniss, but I didn’t expect to come in here and find you in his arms. What was I supposed to think?”  
“What were you supposed to think?! So the first thought you have is that I am cheating on you with my best friend’s husband. You have such a low opinion of me. Well it’s just as well this came out now, that you see me as some sort of slut.” I was really screaming now, I didn’t really know or care what I was saying; all my rage about life’s unfairness, losing Prim, the pointlessness of everything was being directed at Peeta.  
“Come off it Katniss, you know that’s not what I think.”  
“I don’t know what you think anymore, maybe I don’t know who you are, and maybe this is all a big mistake?” I was close to tears, but still so angry.  
Before Peeta could say anything else, there was a knock on the door frame; it was Finnick.  
“Sorry to interrupt, I think left my wallet here last night. I was at the door and I could hear screaming, so I let myself in.” He looked worried.  
“We’re just having a fight,” said Peeta, at last doing what I had needed all along and putting his arms around me, “Things got a bit emotional, I’ve said things I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry Katniss, for drinking too much last night.”  
Tears were in my eyes, but I couldn’t quite let go of the anger and cry. “I’m not sure that’s a good enough excuse, you can’t keep using that.”  
“That’s true too” Peeta said sadly, “I’m going to get a shower, and have a think. Help yourself to coffee Finnick.”  
He walked away from me. I hated when he did that, it always left me feeling empty.  
I poured Finnick a coffee, avoiding eye contact and waited for him to ask what was going on. But when he spoke, his words surprised me.  
“What are you playing at Katniss? Why are you punishing Peeta?”  
“I’m not punishing him,” I spat out automatically. “He changes when he's drunk, he’s suspicious and distrustful, and I don’t think that’s all the alcohol, he must be like that underneath.”  
“Suspicious and distrustful, sound like anyone else around here?” Finnick commented pointedly. “Katniss, you know Peeta’s background; you of all people should understand his insecurities about not being good enough. That’s what makes him suspicious that you would cheat on him.”  
“Do you know what I think?” he continued, “I think you are punishing him for not being perfect.” He paused to give me time to contemplate that idea.  
“I say it because I know I have been guilty of expecting too much of him too. When I first got close to Peeta as a friend, I was annoyed with him when I saw his weaker side. But, it's our fault for expecting Peeta to be perfect; he never promised that, he’s just usually so together, his judgement is so right about everything, that when he gets it wrong we are disappointed in him. But that’s not really fair is it? How do you like that, when you’re expected to be everything that other people want, when they don’t want the real you?”  
It was a lot to think about.  
“And you must know why he gets upset at the thought of losing you? In a way you are angry with him because he loves you too much...”  
“You’re right,” was all I could come up with. The anger had passed and once more I was left with sorrow.  
“I can see how much you love him, Katniss. Maybe more than you care to admit to yourself. If you push him away, you’ll end up hurting yourself too.”  
Finnick’s words were on the mark; I hadn’t realised how much he had noticed about me.  
“You’re not just a pretty face” I smiled.  
When Peeta came back to the kitchen we were drinking coffee in silence. I got up to give him a hug and say sorry. He frowned at this, “You don’t have to apologise, I was in the wrong.”  
“Peeta, you were right about something, “I took a deep breath, I had to stop keeping secrets from him. “I have been up to something in a way, nothing to do with Gale, well, just let me explain…” I told him all about my obsession with Justice Coriolanus Snow, wanting to find out what was on the memory card, having this idea it would in some way make a difference to what happened to Prim, and then, when it was gone, being hit with the realisation that nothing could ever make any difference to Prim again. I cried then, the full force of grief for Prim being pulled from me, like having something physically sucked out of my soul, until my chest ached as though I had been punched. I clutched onto Peeta as he held me so tight, the sound of his heart beat the only thing keeping me in touch with the world outside my pain.  
Eventually I looked up and saw Finnick. His face was so pale and strange. He dropped his head into his hands, he was physically shaking.  
“Finnick, what’s the matter?”  
“I know about Snow,” he said barely above a whisper.  
Peeta and I just waited, feeling almost scared, to see Finnick so upset.  
“I have never told anyone about this, not even Annie. It’s something I’ve kept locked away and tried to put behind me.”  
“As you say, Snow comes from the town near our family holiday cabin. We used to go there every summer when I was young. I must have been around 6 or 7 when my parents first started to let me go off by myself to play in the woods. They didn’t know, but on that first day out on my own, I met a man who man invited me to his house. He gave me sweets and showed me his dogs at first, got me used to him, so I kept going back. But then he started touching me more and more, until he was doing things I didn’t like, hurting me. But I was so young and he scared me, said he would hurt my family if I told them what I’d done. He made me feel ashamed, like it was my fault. That man was Snow. And it carried on for the next 3 years. Sometimes others came too…” Finnick was sobbing now; I could see the frightened, confused child behind the sensitive man he had become.  
“I was so relieved when my family got a new holiday property by the ocean and we stopped going to the cabin. I would have never gone back, but my parents told Annie about it, and she loved the idea of being in the Forest.”  
“For years I didn’t know who Snow was, but I have seen him on T.V. You have to understand it’s been impossible to say anything about what happened. I felt so powerless, there would just be too much pain involved to rake it all up again. I have no evidence to support me, and he is in such a powerful position.” He suddenly came to a stop, nothing more to say. Peeta and I held him to us, letting him know we were there with him, no matter what.  
So this was Snow’s secret, he was even more cruel than I had imagined.  
  
I decided I had to let this go now. Finnick had managed to put what had happened behind him, and I needed to respect that, and move on too. It was time to quietly grieve for Prim. Although it was over a year since she died, I had not been able to acknowledge the anniversary or carry out any act of remembrance for her. It seemed like the time had come. The next weekend Peeta and I took her ashes and scattered them in the meadow where we used to play as children, where I only had good memories of her. Peeta planted a patch of evening primroses. I lay on my back in the early autumn sunshine, feeling the warmth of her smile on my face, the smell of her flowers on the breeze, and allowed myself to let her go in peace.  
  
As so often seems to be the case, it turned out I hadn't quite got things right though. After a couple of weeks Finnick came to our apartment needing to talk some more about what had happened to him. He had shut it away for so long, but now it had been allowed out, it couldn't be kept away so easily. He had got an idea in his head that he needed to visit the Supreme Court in Washington. He was hoping to see Justice Snow again in person; I think he wanted to confront him about what he had done, though we pointed out to him that he was never going to be able to see a senior judge like Snow on his own. Eventually we agreed that we would go up to Washington during the Thanksgiving break, me and Peeta, and Finnick and Annie, to see if this could help Finnick get some closure.  
  
The morning of our trip came. Annie had to back out as she had been really sick for the last two days with a stomach bug. So it was just the three of us. Just like the day he had driven us back to the cabin, Finnick and Peeta sat in the front, sharing the drive, whilst I relaxed in the back, listening to music and watching the world go by. I had never been to Washington and it felt good to have a change of scenery. I was worried about Finnick though, I couldn't really see how this was going to help him, but it was what he wanted.  
It was late by the time we arrived at our hotel. Finnick was clear he wanted to stay in his room and Skype Annie, so me and Peeta set out to eat dinner alone. I don’t know if it was the drive with the three of us and checking into a hotel, but the air was heavy with memories of the holiday when me and Peeta were together for the first time; the good things that somehow managed to come out of that horror. Peeta had turned out to be both my best friend and my lover, more than that, my life partner.  
Peeta booked a table at a nice restaurant; we didn't get to go out often, so I dressed up for the occasion, wearing a forest green silk dress with sheer stockings underneath. For once I actually felt attractive. Peeta was looking his best in a shirt and jacket; it was an unusual but pleasant sensation for us to go out like this, looking like a power couple. No one here knew our history, for once I didn't feel like damaged goods. The meal was good, nearly as good as Peeta's home cooking, we chose dishes from the menu that we couldn’t have at home; rich sauces, expensive cuts of meat, enjoying the treat of being decadent.  
During the meal I went to the restroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I could hardly believe the happy, relaxed young woman I saw was me. I thought about how good Peeta was looking tonight, and felt a thrill run through me. I couldn’t wait to get him back to the hotel room. In the cubicle I took my panties off and left them in the bin. I felt so excited by my secret that I was aware my nipples were already hardening as I walked back to join Peeta at our table. “You are just radiant tonight,” he commented, looking a little flushed himself, “green is definitely your colour.” He leant across to kiss me lightly, and I gently bit his lower lip. His pupils dilated. When the waiter came to take our order for dessert, we agreed we would give it a miss.  
Back in our hotel room, Peeta wrapped me in his arms, leaned me back against the wall and started to pepper my neck with kisses, his hands running up and down my sides, feeling my body under the thin fabric of my dress. His fingers wandered over my hips, noticing the suspender belt.  
“mmmm” he murmured hungrily, “stockings.”  
He reached down under my dress to run his hand up my thigh, inching to the stocking top.  
My naked state was making me so wet now, when would he realise how ready I was for him?  
He ran his hand up to cup the curve of my ass, I was tense with the thrill, he squeezed me enjoying my flesh, and then he realised, there were no panties in his way.  
He leaned back from me so we could make eye contact.  
“Show me?”  
I raised the silk skirt above my waist so he could take in the sight of my firm thighs clad in stockings and suspenders, my neatly trimmed pussy there for him in between.  
All he could do was groan, as he sank to his knees before me. Taking my ass and thighs in hand he kissed my mound, working his way under me, starting to use his tongue, tasting my juices. He became more insistent, sucking on my clit, dipping his tongue inside me, his fingers grasping my buttocks, edging around the nerve endings between my crease. He pulled one of my thighs over his shoulder so he could press his tongue even harder into me, making me moan his name as I clung to his hair for balance, my back arching against the wall as I came.  
He stood up wiping his hand across his mouth, his dishevelled state only making him more desirable to me. He quickly removed his pants and underwear, his cock must have been pressing so hard to be freed, its erect state in full force, making me ready to come again.  
"Do you have any idea what you are doing to me right now?" He growled, kissing me softly first, then opening my mouth to him with his tongue.  
"I'm all yours," I said wanting him to take the lead.  
"Then lean over here so I can get a better view" he commanded, taking me to the dressing table. I leant forward, watching him behind me in the mirror, as he raised my skirt again, once more feasting on the view of my naked pussy, between the rounds of my bottom, held in the suspender belt. I could see the lust in his eyes.  
"Take your shirt off, I need to get my thrills too," I ordered. He removed the last of his clothes so I could see he was naked and fully aroused behind me. I was aching for him.  
He cupped his hands over my breasts, pulling them out of my bra so they could spill forward over the top of my dress as I leaned forward. He was watching me in the mirror and our eyes met, he knew how much I needed him, but he wouldn’t rush.  
He stroked his hand over my spine, ran his hand round over my clit, and then when he had filled up on the sight of my ripeness, just when I was ready to beg, he entered me, he slid inside my glistening slit, I was so wet for him, there was no hindrance or pushing needed.  
"Oh Fuck, that's so good." he cried at the feeling of me so wet on him, I squeezed myself around him to add to his pleasure, loving to see the look on his face, he was starting to lose control.  
He found his rhythm at once, pumping into me hard, making me gasp at every beat, “yes.”  
This was what I wanted.  
Supporting myself with just one hand, I used the other to feel my breasts, rolling the nipples in my fingers.  
He was pushing in further now, I had to put my head down to allow my legs to stand further apart for him.  
"I just want to get right inside," he panted, our hips crashing together as he thrust as far as he could.  
It was so hot being fucked this way, but I didn't want Peeta to finish yet, "Lets move" I said, wanting this to go on all night.  
"OK " he panted pulling out and squeezing his cock, keeping it hard for me. He was such a generous lover.  
I pulled my dress over my head, and reached behind me to unclasp my already useless bra, letting it fall free.  
I leaned back on the bed, enjoying the view of Peeta’s toned body, shining with the exertion, his cock looked larger than ever, he was so excited by what was happening tonight.  
He got up on the bed, straddling me, then leant forward and rubbed his cock on my breasts. "I just want to fuck every part of your body," he sighed.  
He was too close to resist, I took his shaft in my hand, directing him to my mouth and licked the end, circling my tongue around the head.  
"OK " he nearly cheered, and turned himself around, so now his head was between my legs as his cock reached into my mouth.  
I firmly stroked his shaft as I tasted and sucked his cock, my other hand wrapped around his strong thigh. My hips were thrusting up for more of his tongue. I felt almost over whelmed with the feeling of being filled up with Peeta, as he used his fingers and mouth together, bringing me to orgasm again. Instead of screaming I sucked him harder, until he had to stop and cry out with pleasure at what I was doing to him.  
He slowly licked me once more as if my pussy was a tasty ice cream. "I want to put my cock in this," he said lasciviously, rolling over on to the bed so as not to squash me.  
He leaned over me so he could kiss my mouth again, his eyes full of love, "you are amazing."  
He stretched my hands out above my head and held them there with one of his strong hands.  
"Spread your legs," he ordered.  
He ran his other hand under me, squeezing my ass, then pulling my hip up towards him as he thrust deep into me with his hard cock, I could feel the full breadth of his erection pressing against my walls.  
He thrust again, harder, hitting deep inside me. I cried out, a sound of pure ecstasy. I planted a foot on the bed so I could push my self up to meet his thrusts, gripping him inside me, urging him on.  
"You like that?" He fucked me hard, pushing both my legs up over my head so I was completely open for him to plunge right in, balls deep.  
Yes, this was what I wanted, tenderness had its place, but tonight I didn’t want him to be gentle, I wanted him to fuck me as hard and long as he could.  
He understood. He was relentless, making me scream as I came around him repeatedly.  
At last he could hold out no longer, his thrusts reached a crescendo, and he released inside me, pushing in as he did, not wanting to have to stop. I was overflowing with his cum.  
As he brought my legs down, he once again became aware of my stockinged thighs, and couldn't resist unfastening the suspenders and rolling them down my legs. He lovingly kissed my tits, sucking on the nipples. I felt satisfied, but far from sleepy.  
He sighed, "I’ll get a cloth to clean you up, but then," he paused giving me his sweet boyish grin, "I'm going to fuck you all night long!"  
He knew this would make me laugh, I could never resist his cheese.  
Cheesy or not, Peeta was as good as his word, and we barely slept, our bodies too hot for each other. We were late for breakfast, so Peeta suggested showering together “to save time.” This was never going to work, so, after screwing in the shower and again when I tried to put my underwear on, we finally had to text Finnick to say we would meet him in the lobby at 11 as we had 'overslept.' Luckily he was very understanding about these things.

At last we met up with a very hyper Finnick and went up to Capitol Hill to see the sights. The Supreme Court was not hearing arguments as it was thanksgiving week, but we went and looked around as sightseers. Finnick was cracking jokes and being endlessly charming; you had to know him well to see that this was what he did to try to hide his real feelings.  
"Where are the judges today?" he asked a tour guide, giving her the full force of his toothpaste ad smile. They were having a conference, discussing cases; it was hard to think that someone with Snow’s ethical code would be deciding the laws of our country.  
“What wouldn't I do to see that?" Finnick tried persuading the blushing guide, but access to the justices was beyond her powers.  
Eventually we left to look around the rest of the capitol buildings and have some dinner. But Finnick couldn't let it rest.  
“I need to see him,” he insisted when Peeta and I were looking to get back to our hotel room. We had been feeling the ripples of last night all day; I was struggling to be satisfied with having only his hands and arms to touch, aching to get him back to our private den.  
“I don't think it's possible,“ I stroked Finnick’s arm, it was hard to see him like this.  
“I know where he lives.” He wasn’t going to be deterred.  
I don't know how, but Finnick had found out Justice Snow’s address in Washington. So, instead of our plan of carrying on where we left off in our room, Peeta and I found ourselves sitting in Finnick’s car outside the large property in a secluded neighbourhood, watching Justice Snow’s front door.  
“What now?” I felt for Finnick but was feeling a bit irritated at how this evening was working out.  
“I don't know, maybe I could just knock on his door?”  
I was starting to realise Finnick had a little bit of crazy in him too.  
“No,” I had to stop this madness, “You can't do that.”  
We sat in silence.  
Then his door opened, and there he was, Justice Snow, taking his Chihuahua for a walk. The ice ran down my spine.  
It was too much for Finnick, he was out the car before we knew what he was doing.  
"Excuse me, Mr Snow."  
Snow looked at him; as ever he gave no sign of any emotion despite being stopped in the street in the late evening.  
"Do you recognise me?" Finnick enquired.  
To my shock, Snow put his hand on Finnick's cheek, in a proprietorial gesture.  
"Yes, of course, I think about you often," he was beyond creepy.  
Finnick didn't appear phased, he just took a step back to free himself from Snow' s touch. "I remember everything you did, and I'm going to tell the world. I have made a video to put on YouTube, you can sue me, you can take it down, but the truth will be out there, you can't frighten me anymore."  
Snow looked him straight in the eye, "No, I can't let you do that."  
He raised his other hand from his pocket, and placed it on Finnick' s chest. There was just a quiet thud, and then Finnick fell to the ground. It took me a moment to realise what had happened. He had been shot.  
"No!" it was too much for me to take in, without thinking my body reacted. I had done this so many times to so many different people in my dreams. But this time there was no fear, there was nothing but rage. I took the wheel of the car and drove directly at Snow, knocking him down, he went under the front wheels rather than hitting the windscreen. I don't remember his face, I didn't care how he felt. Then the shaking started.  
"Don't stop!" Peeta shouted. I didn't care what would happened now, but he was still there looking out for me.  
I kept on driving, we didn't speak for a long time.

Xxxxxxxxx

I can't tell you where we ended up, because then I would have to kill you. You think I'm joking don't you? I always said I was dangerous, deadly, a killer even, but no one wants that to be true, they only want to see the good in me.  
You have been warned.  
I don't know how we managed it, but we are happy, most of the time. Well I do know, of course, it's because of Peeta. I don't deserve him. Somehow he managed to hold me together through some very dark days, without any medicines. I begged him to leave me, but he wouldn't let me go.  
We managed to make it across the border into Canada, to a town where no one asked questions; everyone has their own hidden story I guess.  
For a long time, we couldn't really get too settled. We were always waiting for the day the police would find us; but no one ever came.  
I knew Peeta needed more from life and I did too if truth be told; I have never been good at recognising my own needs. Eventually the babies came along. Turns out, when they were my own children, I could see they were more than mere scraps of life; babies know how to fight to survive too.  
You might think they get that from me, the survival instinct, but it's Peeta who keeps us going. You could cover him in ten foot of dirt, but one day, sooner or later he will climb right out the top again. I keep going because I am stubborn and defiant and I have to win, but Peeta doesn't need that, and that means he's won already. You know, there's one other thing people often get wrong about me. They think I'm with Peeta through chance, or necessity. But they couldn't be more wrong. I'm with him because I really, truly love him.

  
This could be....  
THE END.....  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta takes over telling the story of what happened after they ran Snow down.

We didn't speak for a long time. 

Katniss drove on into the darkness, heading out of the suburbs, onto the interstate. Her hands were gripping the steering wheel so hard her knuckles had turned white. Tremors shook her body every few minutes; her eyes were fixed on the road in front of us, but who knows what they were seeing? Part of me felt that I should say something comforting, but that would be a lie, our lives had become decidedly uncomfortable.

I was completely stunned, paralyzed inside by what I had witnessed. Finnick was my brother; it was as simple as that. We knew things about each other that our blood relations would never understand. We looked out for each other. I wanted to turn back, to see his face again, but I knew I had to put that away for now, Katniss had to be my focus. At the moment we were running on auto-pilot, programmed to get as far away as possible from the horror of what had just happened, as quickly as we could, though it would always be right here in our minds.

Memories of Finnick's life kept resurfacing; the day he met Annie- he had fallen for her hook, line and sinker; when he tried to teach me to swim in the ocean and ended up having to rescue me from the surf; and of course he had saved my life, that night in the pool, he had restarted my heart.

I found myself digging my nails into my skin, needing to feel the pain in my body where I could deal with it instead of it breaking my heart. I hadn't done this for so many years, not since those dark teenage days when I couldn't cry in front of my mother. It seemed bad habits were not so different from old friends, still there for me when things got tough. I wished I had something sharper so I could see the blood. The old dysfunctional thought brought me to my senses, I had come too far in life to head back to that now, Katniss needed me to stay strong. Focus on the here and now, I counselled myself.

It was nearly midnight, nearly Thanksgiving. I focused my mind on watching the patterns made by the taillights and streetlights, trying to stick with sensations rather than thoughts. The traffic had been busy with people making their journeys to see family and friends, but it started to thin out as we followed the road out of the suburbs. We were headed north east, ironically away from our home, our families and friends, with nothing but the clothes we were wearing and our wallets. I had filled up the tank before we set out to find Snow. It was hard to believe that had been just a few hours ago, it felt like I had been living in a different universe back then.

Eventually the fuel would run out, and then what?  
What would be happening to Finnick now? I wondered to myself, does Annie know yet?

"I have to call Annie," at last I found my voice. We hadn't spoken since we were on the street where Finnick died but our minds had been so busy it felt like just carrying on the conversation.

“But what if they're monitoring her calls.” Katniss was there on the same page with me. I felt some relief at her words, knowing she was still in survival mode, not plunged into despair. We were at our best when we worked as a team.

I wasn't sure who _they_ were, but I also couldn't believe that a hit and run on one of the country's most respected judges would be left as unexplained.

  
“We should fill up again as soon as possible, before there is an alert out for the car.”  
I started to feel like maybe we could make it through this after all.  


After refuelling and buying food, that neither of us could face eating, I took a turn driving.

  
Remembering how Gale had traced Prim by her phone I was unsure whether it was safe to even turn my phone on, so I listened in to the radio, to see if we had made the news yet.  


My only role now was to protect Katniss from having to endure any more suffering. I wanted to take the blows for her. She had acted on impulse when she ran Snow down. As well as all his other atrocities, I think she held him responsible for taking Prim's life. Right or wrong, she had taken action to avenge her sister. Anyone with a heart would know she was innocent, but my experience of the world had taught me that true hearts were hard to find. I had no faith left in the legal system.

There was a road sign, indicating the way to the coast, so I followed the call of the ocean. It was the only place to go to just now. I needed to pay my respects to Finnick.  
After so much time on the road, at last I pulled up as near as I could get to the beach. It was the early hours of the morning, Katniss’ nightmare hour. The waves were rolling in with such force I could hear the rhythmic rush of water without opening the car door. Katniss sat with her head bowed, shoulders hunched, as if trying to make herself smaller, but it was no use, I could never ignore her. With an urge to be allowed in, I tucked a lock of her silken soft hair behind her ear, revealing a tear stained cheek. I brushed my knuckles gently against her skin, as I would coax a nervous kitten. When she at last turned to me, I cupped her face in my hand, her bones so familiar to my touch. She was beautiful in her sorrow, exposing the fragile soul that always lay beneath her strength of character. She was everything to me.

"Stop loving me Peeta," she begged, "I have dragged you into too much trouble already. You had no part in what happened, I am the murderer, you just had the misfortune to be with me."

"You should know by now, I never let go", I leaned in to take her lips in mine, breathing in her pain, trying to replace it with some invisible force field that would keep her safe. If only I had that power.

  
“Come on,” I took the lead, "I need to go to the sea, for Finnick.”  


Outside of the vehicle the roar of the ocean could not be ignored. We were drawn down to the waters edge, our fingers entwined, the wind hard against our bodies and faces, making us prove our desire to be there.

“Finnick”, I yelled, my voice drowned out by the waves, “it's too soon for this, but I have to say goodbye. I owe you my life, and now you’re gone…” my voice broke, I had wanted to find peace but it wasn't here for me yet, I couldn't make a speech, only sobs came as I finally broke down. Katniss’ arms were around me, pulling me into her, stroking the back of my neck, her lips found mine, her kisses like balm, their sweetness the only antidote to the bitterness of life.

We sat side by side on the sand, Katniss clasped my hands using both of hers, tracing circles on my palms with her fingertips.  
"Every night I see Prim dying in my arms, and yet every day at some point I forget she's dead” she offered me a rare glimpse into her inner world. “I know Finnick was like a brother to you, and I want to tell you it will be ok, but it's not ok. Finnick and Prim, they shouldn't be dead, their lives were stolen by that man. I can't feel sorry for what I did; I wanted to kill him, to end his evil. I am happy to go to prison for what I did, but how can I leave you Peeta? You will have to leave me, please, it's the only way,” she was looking frantic now.

I stroked her hair instinctively soothing her. “I will never leave you Katniss, you are my world. There is nothing in life for me without you. We are a team, and together we will survive this. Please don't say you don't want me now.”

The look she gave me stopped my heart, it was so filled with fire and passion, surely she must mean she wanted me, if only I could let the old doubt go for good.  
Her lips were on mine claiming me, so soft , I ran my tongue gently across her mouth wanting to feel more, she bit into me as her fingers thrust into my hair, pulling me closer.

We kissed for a long time, saying the things that were too precious to be spoken aloud. At some point our mouths ignited a lust in our bodies. I drew Katniss closer to me wanting her body against mine. She moved her position to sit on my lap, holding my face in her small hands, her fingers making my skin feel alive. I wanted her so much, my tongue sought the heat in her mouth, as my fingertips traced the outline of her waist and hips, dipping my hands under the waistband of her trousers. My cock was hardening against her thigh, as she ran her hand under my shirt, gently dragging her nails across my skin, pushing her chest into me as though trying to merge our bodies into one. I ran my hand up her leg and round onto her centre, rubbing the seam of her trousers into her clit as she discretely parted her thighs for me.  
“I need you Peeta ,” she panted running her fingers over my chest, brushing her thumbs over my nipples before stroking my stomach, so that my erection could no longer be contained. She unfastened the buttons on my jeans and took me in her hand , her thumb tracing the head of my throbbing cock.  
I had to pause to look at her, her hair wild about her face in the ocean breeze, her lips swollen, her eyes on fire. The sound of the waves surging behind us.

I outlined her shoulders and arms with my fingers, before pushing her clothing up so I could take her nipple in my mouth, sucking it hard as I grasped her ass, sensing her shivers as I stroked her most sensitive places.

We lay down together on the cold sand, Katniss once again using her hand to pull on my cock, as my fingers found their way, opening her zip, pushing the fabric aside until they slid inside her perfect hole, so moist and strong around me. I licked my lips at the thought of how it tasted. Katniss pulled me over on top of her. Her grinding hips inviting me in as she held me under my shoulders. Her face was lit by the stars, the most beautiful thing I could imagine. We didn't speak but our eyes were melded to each other, mirroring the longing in our hearts. I lingered over pushing into her, savouring the feeling of her opening up around me until I was deep inside, our hips meeting, her open mouth, panting, I wanted to make her scream my name, but I would cherish this moment. I thrust deep inside her, grinding my pubic bone against her clit. “You are so beautiful Katniss,” I had told her a thousand times, but it still had to be said, she was the most gorgeous woman in the world, though she would never accept it.  
Her pupils filled her eyes like holes to another world. She pushed her hips up around me, her hands tearing aside my clothing, digging her fingernails into my back and shoulders. I enjoyed a little pain, and moaned as she bit into my chest. I could hold on no longer, but had to thrust into her now, sucking her neck in return, Katniss wrapped herself around me as I plundered her depths, urging me on, we rode together until we're were breathless on the sand. I loved to watch her lost in the moment like this, the sea rushed on and I could feel the passion mounting in my loins. I came hard into her.

I scooped Katniss into my arms, holding her on my chest, keeping her close to my heart, where I had made a home for her. “I will never leave you Katniss, you think that would make me safe, to be away from you? It would destroy me.”  
“If anything happens to you, that would destroy me,” she replied, “I don't think it's safe for people I love to be near me.”  
I ignored this, recognising her old paranoia.  
“We are in this together,” I replied, keeping her held tight in my arms.

Eventually we started to feel exposed and dressed again. Once more we huddled close watching the waves.  
Out at sea the first signs of a new day breaking showed on the horizon.

We needed to know what was happening in the rest of the world, I wasn't sure who my opponent was; the police, the legal system, the government?  
Katniss, took her phone from her pocket and, with that surprising strength she had for a petite woman, threw it far out to sea.  
Sadly I followed her lead. Having seen how easily Gale had traced Prim, we couldn't risk giving our position away.  
All ties to our old lives were severed. It was just us against the rest of the world.

“We need to eat,” Katniss reminded me we needed to take care of our basic needs.

As we headed back up the beach, the headlights of another car came down the road, stopping next to our vehicle. The doors opened and two figures got out to take a closer look. I pulled Katniss down onto the sand.  
“We have to get away, before the daylight exposes us.”

We headed north along the beach staying in the cover of the curve of the sand as it dipped down to the water, moving as quickly but smoothly as we could, sudden movements would draw an observer's eye. When we had got far from the road we risked heading inland into the sand dunes.

It was hard going. Despite being pretty fit, my legs were aching from walking on sand and the temperature had dropped. The sky was starting to look white, I didn’t want to think about it but there could well be snow on the way. What else could we do but keep going? Katniss hummed softly and eventually a song found its way from her lips. I don’t think she always knew when she was singing, it was just part of who she was. I stopped her for a moment to pull her to me, giving her a gentle kiss. She was irresistible.

“Come on” she urged, being firm, although a hint of a smile shone from her eyes.

Fortunately there were no hills, and walking was keeping us warm. We plodded on, always choosing the route that looked to take us further from civilisation. We had been walking since day break, without a drink, I knew my tongue felt rough so Katniss would be in the same position. Again she read my mind,  
“We’ll have to find a stream soon.”  
“At least if it snows we can suck on that” I added.  
“How come you always see a bright side?” she shook her head at me in disbelief.

After another hour of walking, the terrain changed.  
“Pine trees”, Katniss gave one of her rare pleased expressions.  
If she was happy then I was. “What’s that mean then eco-girl?” I teased.  
“There’ll be water, shelter from the wind, we can hide, we can make a fire… trees are our friends,” she said mocking herself in her tone of voice and actually laughing.

We headed into the forest of scraggy pine trees, not giving a thought to getting lost as I already had no idea where I was or where I was going to. Surely if we were lost than we were less likely to be found? It sounded like a sort of logic to me.

“These are the New Jersey Pine Barrens,” I was stunned to discover Katniss did know where we were. For all my adoration of her, it seemed I had still managed to underestimate her. Although I knew she had studied ecology and loved nature, particularly trees, she had never talked much about this side of her life. I guess our time together had been too filled with tragedy and recovery from that, although I am sure she had found out all about my love of art.

Her expression had changed with the scenery and this lifted us out of the physical exhaustion we were experiencing. She started naming the plants we saw, and used her knowledge of which plants liked the water to guide us towards a stream. “Here, you can eat these,” she said picking some berries.  
“Are you sure?” I was instinctively cautious about eating something I couldn’t name.  
She smiled and tossed one into her mouth. “Open wide.” I obeyed , after all, I would trust her with my life, and she aimed another onto my tongue. It was tart, but not bitter, anything to eat was a bonus by now. 

The daylight was fading into evening, a whole day had passed without food or water.  
At last we reached a low, slow moving stream. I bent down to scoop some water into my hand, and slurped it up, unable to wait any longer.  
“Peeta, NO!” she screamed at me. “You can’t just drink this water. It may well be contaminated. We need to walk upstream, where it’s moving faster.”  
Feeling foolish, I wiped my hands on my trousers and followed her. She was in her element here, and I felt like such a townie.  
At last she was satisfied with the speed of the water and allowed us to drink.

“We need to make a fire and a shelter.” She looked at me trying, but failing, to hide her obvious doubt that I would be offering much help with these tasks.  
I grinned, “Let me try making a fire,” I had seen ‘born survivor’ after all. To Katniss' amazement and my own surprise, I quickly got a flame going by rubbing sticks together and adding small twigs for fuel.  
“At last I feel like a man again,” I joked, playfully slapping Katniss on the behind.  
“Don’t let a few flames go to your head, town-boy,” she ribbed me back.

Whilst I tended the fire, she put together a shelter of fallen branches. We drank as much water as our stomachs could hold, there was no food to be had for now, although, oddly, I didn’t even feel hungry. My muscles were aching and I just needed to rest. The daylight was gone and there was nothing to do but wrap our bodies together for warmth. I zipped Katniss inside my jacket with me, so I could feel her pulse against my diaphragm, her head nestled on my chest.

“Will you sing me to sleep?” I asked. She looked up at me, assuming I was joking, but I meant it. I was exhausted physically and emotionally and I craved the comfort of the beauty in her voice.  
Softly, she sang the old lullaby, the vibrations going straight into my belly, my nourishment for the day.

I had the most vivid dream. I was on a boat with Finnick, the waves were high on a stormy sea; but he was calm, his green eyes holding me in his gaze. He was the captain of the ship. But then the motion of the waves grew too strong and I couldn’t see him anymore for the spray. I started to feel nauseous. I sat up, suddenly awake, throwing Katniss aside I rushed into the trees to vomit, the pain in my stomach was horrendous.

“You’re burning up,” Katniss muttered with her hand on my forehead. “It must be the still water you drank.” She tore a piece off her shirt and went to the stream, bringing it back moistened to clean my face, before making me lie down again.

I wanted to stay awake and show her I was fine, but my mind couldn’t stay in clear consciousness. I knew I was rambling when I tried to talk. Katniss was there and then she wasn’t. But I was too unsteady to stand up to go to find her. She gave me sips of water which hurt my stomach but eventually I managed to keep down. I noticed things starting to look clearer, real again. Katniss was watching me with a worried look.

“What time is it?” I asked, trying to get my bearings.  
“About 6.30 am; Saturday.”  
“Sorry, I lost us a day there. I feel better now though, we can walk again today.”  
“No we can’t Peeta. We have no plan as to where we’re going and you have been really sick. We need to go back. I can’t run away from what I’ve done.”  
“I didn’t think you were the type to give in so easily”, I tried to goad her into changing her mind.  
“Despite appearances, I am not the type to let a friend die on my behalf.”

Her glaring, determined, beautiful face gradually softened as she leaned in to kiss me.  
“You will have to do what I say, Peeta. You are going to be famous as the one who survived being close to Katniss Everdeen!”

Knowing she had won this battle, I took the line of least resistance and followed her as we made slow progress through the trees. I was still weak and aching. I needed to gather my strength to be able to keep her from harm. She didn’t need me here, in her world of trees. I was more of a hindrance if anything. I just had to keep my brain alert and ready to deal with anyone we should meet.

Using her instinct and skills, she led us to a rough track with old tyre marks worn into it. There were still no other signs of human life, but it led us to an old wooden house. The boards had been painted, alternating between black and yellow, giving it a striking appearance. Whoever lived here was not going to be a meek character. I started to feel apprehensive. I couldn’t just let Katniss give herself up. Not wasting time on arguing with her, I took her by surprise, grabbing her arm and pulling her to the ground behind a large bush. “Just let me do the talking, OK? It's all I have to offer, so, please, let me keep some pride and do this.”

Probably through pity for me, she backed down and waited whilst I went to the door.  
The house was silent, no lights, no car in the driveway. I knocked loudly. No response.  
“No-one home” I called to Katniss, who came over to join me.  
She stroked her fingers down the door. “I wonder if there’s food in the fridge. Hot running water?”  
She stepped back and sized up the building. “What have we got to lose?”

Around the back, she prized open a long, thin window. I gave her a boost and she hitched herself up and through the small gap. I watched her land in the kitchen sink. A few moments later the back door opened. “The key was in the lock!” she smiled. “Do come in.”

I took a moment to get over my natural feeling that this was wrong. To be trespassing in someone’s home.  
“I’m sorry Peeta, but I guess I’m just not as good of a person as you are,” Katniss sighed and looked away from my eyes.  
“I’m not judging you Katniss. I think we both know I wouldn’t have made it this far without you. I’d have drunk sick water and been lost in the forest. In fact, I’d probably be running around naked, hallucinating by now if it weren’t for you.” I wanted to see her smile again.

“Then let’s see if there’s anything we can eat in here.”

There was some canned food in the store cupboard. It didn’t feel too bad to have a couple of these.  
I went for soup, not quite trusting my stomach to take solid food yet. Katniss chose some stew.  
I was surprised how quickly I had gotten over my qualms at breaking and entering and insisted on heating up the food properly and serving it in dishes with cutlery. I think Katniss would have drunk it straight from the can. My heart ached to think how hungry she must have been. Providing good meals for Katniss was one of my main pleasures in life.

We sat on the couch and switched the TV on.

Channel 6 News. First headline. “Justice Snow Hit and Run-The hunt continues for those responsible. Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen thought to be in the New Jersey area.”

“Shit”

  


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  


Our faces were there on the screen. It was my picture from when I first started working at the High School.

“Peeta Mellark, a 27 year old Visual Arts Teacher from XX and forestry worker, Katniss Everdeen, 25, were known to have been visiting the Capitol together with Fiinnick Odair. Mr Odair was found dead at the scene.” And suddenly, there was Finnick, smiling out at us from the screen. It was like a stab in the chest.

“Mr Odair’s partner, Annie Cresta, has been taken into custody for questioning.” I couldn’t believe what I was seeing as I watched scenes of Annie being roughly handled into a car by a female police officer . Her face was pale, stricken with grief and confusion.

“Police are still looking for a motive for what currently appears to have been a random attack on one of the country’s most esteemed judges.”

A smartly dressed middle aged woman was making a statement. The caption below her told me she was Police Commissioner, Alma Coin. 

“The United States legal system is one of the foundation stones of democracy. Such a callous act of violence against a senior ranking representative of that system shows disrespect for all that our country stands for. These perpetrators, these traitors, will be apprehended and no lenience will be shown. An example must be made in this case, to demonstrate that law and order will always be maintained.”

Katniss was deep in thought; I couldn’t have that, I knew the way her mind would be plotting.

“Well that was bang out of order…using that old photograph, I knew that buzz cut was a mistake as soon as I left the barbers.” It was a weak effort at humour but I just wanted to keep her distracted.

Katniss got up off the sofa and took her plate to the kitchen where I could hear her scrapping stew into the bin.

“We shouldn’t waste food whilst we have it,” I remarked.

She pretty much growled at me, “This is my mess and you are NOT going to get caught in the flack.”

"You need to learn to share,” I returned her glare; I could be just as stubborn as she was.

I stomped out of the room. Finding myself in the hallway, I went up the stairs, which were carpeted in more stripes, to find the bathroom. Everything in this house was accessorised with animal print patterns. It wasn’t how I would choose to decorate a home, but the owner had a certain style. The bathroom had gleaming black tiles and utilities. It wasn’t dark, because it was highly polished, and shone in the spot lights. It made me even more aware of how filthy, and probably contaminated, I was. Well, I’d come this far in trespassing; why not make use of all the facilities. I turned on the faucet and undressed. At first I left my underwear on, but with a mischievous smile to myself, I removed them too. I loved making that control freak Katniss squirm…and she was so hot when she was angry!

The bath run, I gathered my clothes under my arms and went down to put them in the washer.

She came into the kitchen from the lounge to find me naked, bent over the washing machine, “What are you doi….” I grinned, hearing the blush in her voice. I loved the contradictions that were Katniss; fierce and fragile; wildly passionate, but then such a prude.

I straightened up to face her. “I thought I might as well make myself presentable for the cameras, now I’m a household name and all.”

My heart sank as her face moved from blushing and angry to frightened. I cursed myself for showing off. I didn’t want to upset her.

“Don’t joke about it Peeta. I mean what I’ve been saying; I can’t let anything happen to you.” Her eyes were shiny with tears.

Gently taking her hands at first, I slowly brought her in to my arms, holding her to me; if only it could really be so easy to keep her safe.

I could feel her tears on my skin. Although I had been with Katniss through times of grief and deep depression, it was rare to see her cry.

I soothed her by stroking her hair, untying her braid so I could massage her scalp, the way she liked.

I moved us across to the table, so that I could sit down and rock her. She was always so tough, but I knew she needed times when she could drop her guard and let me look after her.

She leaned her head back, inviting me to take her lips in mine. I was never really sure if she felt about me the same way I did about her. I couldn’t help but be led by my heart, whereas Katniss would always think first. But I knew she needed me, and I was content to be used by her.

As her kisses became more heated, I couldn’t help but start to picture how I could make myself useful to Katniss on the kitchen table. But , suddenly, she sprang back from me.

“Someone’s here.”

She was right. I could hear the radio being switched off and a car door slam.

“Just one set of feet,” Katniss noted. Her sense of hearing was remarkable.

Katniss grabbed my hand and we ran up stairs as the key turned in the front door.

“In here,” I directed Katniss into what had appeared to be a spare room when I was looking for the bathroom. It was cluttered with old ornaments, books and clothing piled on the bed.

Not having time to think of a better hiding place, we squeezed into the closet. It was full of fake fur coats, wonderfully soft to my skin. 

“Cosy,” I remarked.

Katniss couldn’t help but give a half smile as she took in that I was naked, hiding in a strangers closet.

“Finnick would love this story,” I said with a rueful smile.

She squeezed my hand. “Please tell me you hadn’t actually started the washer yet?”

“No. I got distracted.”

“There’s still a chance we can get out then. I don’t think we left any other traces, I cleared up the dishes and cans.”

It was a pretty long shot, but we had to stay positive. We snuggled into the coats, moving further into the closet. I put one on in an attempt to retrieve my dignity. Katniss rested her head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around her slim waist. We just had to hold on and hope.

At last we heard the sounds of someone using the bathroom and going to bed. There hadn’t been any indication that we were being hunted out. They couldn’t have used the washer yet.

“You really have to be quiet, Peeta,” Katniss reminded me. Slowly, she opened the door of the closet, and led us through the maze of clutter in the room. It was pitch black, so I just followed her as closely as I could.

We made it to the kitchen. I was just gathering my clothes out of the washing machine when the silence was broken by a cough. With startling reflexes, Katniss grabbed a knife from the block and took aim. I grabbed her arm, pulling her off balance. “No, Katniss, no more deaths.”

The light was switched on, causing us to blink our eyes back into focus. There stood a woman in a tiger print dressing gown and slippers. She was heavily made up with drawn on eye brows, false lashes and bright red lipstick; none of which disguised the fact that she was probably in her late 60’s.

“So I have the fugitives, how exciting!” She purred.

“Peeta Mellark, wearing one of my coats!” I couldn’t work out if she was genuinely thrilled at the idea of a media celebrity clothing themselves from her wardrobe. “If I could get a shot of this, the sales would go through the roof.”

This was all very confusing. Was she going to try to apprehend us, turn us in to the police; or try to hire us as models?

I willed my tongue to find the right words. Katniss was still poised with the knife gripped firmly in her hand.

“First of all, we must apologise for using your, extremely beautiful, home without an invitation.” I decided being overly polite and flattering was going to be my best line of defence.

“I can see you recognise us from the media broadcasts, but please, please understand, the truth about our story is not as it is being portrayed.”

“Well, that I can believe,” she replied. “Most of what’s said on the news is lies.”

“The police stitched my late husband up. He was assaulted by an officer and was naïve enough to think he could report it and get justice.” She spat into the air as though the police in question were stood in front of her. “He ended up being fined, for some trumped up charge, and they never stopped harassing him after that. They made an upright, proud man into an anxious wreck.”

It seemed we might have found the one person who would still give us a chance.

“But, murdering a senior Judge. Now that’s serious.”

“It’s a long and complicated story…,er, Madam,” I indicated I would like to know her name.

“I’m Iris, Iris T, of Iris T unreal furs. You may of heard of me?”

I decided to stick to the truth, lying always got too complicated in the long run. “It’s a name I will never forget. This coat is so soft and warm. They’re fake fur?”

“Of course, animals are my inspiration, I would never hurt them.”

“No, “I affirmed, “life, of all creatures, is precious. Katniss and I would never take a life recklessly.” I was relieved to see Katniss had put the knife down by now. “I understand it may be hard for you to believe, particularly with what’s being said on the news, but Justice Snow shot dead my dear, close friend, Finnick Odair.” I had to stop to regulate my breathing as I talked about Finnick. 

“Finnick was the most caring, understanding, loving human being you could imagine.” My voice was starting to crack, but I had to try to explain our side of this. “He was always there to help a friend. He saved my life…” I couldn’t stop a tear from leaking out, but carried on regardless. “We were at Justice Snow’s home, because, Justice Snow had abused Finnick in the worst way you can imagine. After years of keeping this terrible secret, Finnick found the courage to speak out about what had happened. But Snow silenced him with his gun. Running Snow down wasn’t planned or premeditated. I saw my friend’s precious life taken, by this man. After Finnick had survived Snow's destruction of his childhood; he hadn’t let what had been done to him taint him. Then to see Snow shoot him down in cold blood; well, I reacted. It felt like defence not attack. Knowing what we do about Snow, it seemed no one would be safe whilst he was alive. I know it was wrong, and illegal, and there will have to be consequences. But, please, let us have a chance to be fairly represented. Just some time, please, that’s all I ask.”

I was emotionally exhausted. I knew I hadn’t been that clear in what I was saying, but I had done all I could to try to make her understand there was another side to this story.

“Well, Peeta. You know, I have never been one to make rushed decisions. I think we should all go to bed for now, and hopefully I’ll know what to do in the morning.”

“Follow me.”

She led us upstairs and showed us into another room, decorated with zebra patterns.

“I think this is as good a chance as any,” I said to Katniss, not sure if she would want to escape. “Me too, we might as well get some rest anyway.” She climbed under the covers.

I nestled in, still naked without the coat. She wriggled herself onto my chest and I wrapped my arm around her. 

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you trying to take the blame from me,” she murmured, circling her fingers into the flesh on my stomach.

I left it at that. We both needed to keep our strength up if we were to make it through this. No point wasting our energy on fighting each other.

Katniss must have been tired too, as she also let that be her last word on the matter, for the time being anyway.

We would have to wait to see what Iris would choose to do with us in the morning.


	9. Chapter 9

It was a rough night for Katniss. She drifted off to sleep quickly whilst I stayed awake, keeping watch over her. After not much more than an hour I felt her body stiffen and then start to twitch. She was mumbling incoherently, until she repeated the word No; “No, No, No” to a crescendo, screaming her sisters name as she woke up. I tried to calm her trembling body in my arms, pressing my lips to her damp skin in an attempt to reassure her. She didn’t want to talk about it, and, eventually, she drifted off again as I held her tight against my chest. We both managed to sleep for a couple of hours before the nightmares took hold of her again. This time I was woken by a whimpering sound so pitiful I couldn’t stand it and shook Katniss awake. She wouldn’t tell me what had been happening in the dream but clung on to me even more tightly, wrapping her fingers into mine. “No-one is going to hurt you Peeta,” she pledged before closing her eyes again.

We finally settled into a deeper sleep around 6 am, only to be woken at 8 by Iris, knocking firmly before coming in to the room.  
“Good morning fugitives,” she greeted us, her tone of voice less cheery than her words suggested. She already had her make up on and looked much more ready for whatever this day would bring than we were.  
“Please come down and join me for breakfast. I’ll make us some eggs.”  
“Thank you, Iris. We’ll be down directly,” I replied as though I was her house guest. Whatever was to come, a cooked breakfast sounded like a good way to start things off.  
She left my still unlaundered clothes folded on a chair and pulled the door to behind her.  


Katniss looked me directly in the eye, “So, It’s make or break time?”  
There was a pause. Katniss actually seemed to be undecided and was waiting to hear my thoughts on what to do next.  
As ever I let my heart lead me rather than trying to think what made most sense, “I have a good feeling about her.”  
Katniss wanted some more analysis, “What’s that based on?”  
“Well, we broke into her home and stole her food, and yet she’s cooking us eggs for breakfast. I think a bit of optimism is allowed.”  
“Ok, I’ll give you that.” She gave what looked like a grimace, but I could detect her smile was still there.  


She pushed back the covers and stepped out of bed, shaking her head, as though trying to clear her mind. Her tousled hair framed her face perfectly in the shadows of the morning light. I stored the image in my mind to paint out, hopefully, one day.  


“I just need to wash my face with cold water. I’ll meet you downstairs.”  
“It’s ok I’ll wait.” Did she really think she could leave me that easily?  


I got a hard stare and a small kiss on the cheek in return for my loyalty. Gathering up my clothes, I joined her in the bathroom, dressing myself as she washed. I realised I had left a bath full of water last night, but decided not to let Katniss know about this careless mistake. It made me doubt myself again though, perhaps she would be better off without me, maybe having me around was a liability?  


Both of us were deep in our own thoughts as we made our way back to the kitchen to meet with Iris.  
The table was set for breakfast and she signalled for us to join her.  


“This is really kind of you Iris,” I thanked her sincerely. She owed us nothing.  
“They say you should always show hospitality to anyone who comes to your door, it could be an angel in disguise.” Katniss snorted on her tea at this.  
“You don’t see yourself as an angel?” Iris spoke to Katniss directly for the first time.  
“An avenging angel maybe?” she quizzed her.  
Katniss looked lost for how to react.  


“I don’t suppose you will have heard the news, but there have been some interesting stories coming out overnight. Several historical allegations have been made against Justice Snow. They are still keeping the nature of these allegations under wraps but I’m thinking I need to wait to hear more before I decide what to do with you, girlie.”  


We spent the rest of the day watching Iris’ TV.  


Gradually the rumours spilled out as the news stations must have felt the weight of the news was more than the risk of being sued. Snow had no family surviving him anyway.  


Commissioner Coin finally gave a statement that there would be a full investigation into claims made against Justice Snow, claims that he had been involved in historical abuse. However, this would not detract from the focus on apprehending those responsible for his death. Security measures for the judiciary would be increased.  
It was late in the evening and I was starting to think I could give the report myself; having heard the same headlines repeated so often, when I was brought back into focus by the sight of Annie on the screen. She had always been pale and sensitive, but now she looked like a wraith, halfway between this life and the next. She was sitting next to a solid, suavely dressed man, her lawyer, who gave a statement on her behalf. Finnick’s recording, bearing witness to all he had suffered at the hands of Snow, had been found. Finnick and Annie’s families were wealthy and powerful. Their demands for the truth would not be ignored.  


Now I was no longer watching the news, but memories of the past days were played through my mind again and again. I reached out for Katniss knowing that she would be experiencing the same thing. What else could we do but cling to each other?  


Iris took us in with her cat-like way; watchful, waiting; if she’d had a tail it would have been flicking at the tip. At last she gave her verdict.  


“You’re not liars. I don’t think you are murderers. Killers? Maybe; but I do believe that you’ve become caught up in something through chance rather than your choosing. I’m still not sure what that means you should do, but you can stay here for a while. I will give you the time you asked for.”  
This time Katniss was the first to find her voice to thank Iris once again.  


XXXXXXXXXXX  


I could tell she was afraid to close her eyes as we huddled together in our guest room bed. I could feel the force of her heart beat in her neck and chest where I held her close to my body.  


“Why aren’t you afraid, Peeta?” she asked. “Your heart beat is still so slow and steady, whilst mine is pounding away.”  
“I don’t know, maybe it’s that my life has always had its challenges, I just can’t let it bother me any more, I can’t let other people’s anger and hatred change the way I am. Life is beautiful, being with you is beautiful, Katniss. Why give attention to the ugly stuff?”  
Her fingers gently ran through my hair, tugging at the ends as she studied me.  
“I just worry that if I let my guard down all the good things will be taken away from me. I think maybe I got carried away thinking I could have someone like you in my life, I can’t help preparing myself for the payback.”  


My heart cried and sang at the same time.  


Taking her face in my hands I kissed her cheeks, her eyes and, at last, her mouth. She opened up to me, our bodies so familiar to each other. I knew every inch of her skin, every mole, every scar. I wanted to know her soul in the same way. Maybe then I could take her darkness away? For now I could satisfy her more worldly appetites. We clung to each other as we made love. Katniss rolled over after my fingers brought her to orgasm, rearing up into me so that I would enter her again this way as I lay over her. Our fingers coiled together, our mouths seeking each others skin. Katniss bit into my arm as she moaned for me, holding me tightly over her like a cloak. She wanted me on her, needing my weight against her. She was hard and tight around my cock, rearing to the side as she circled her hips thrusting back into me relentlessly. I grasped the headboard, trying to hold on to my climax as she kept going. We felt so close, so good to be inside her as she abandoned herself to me. At last I sought out her hard nub with my fingers to bring her with me as my head exploded.  


I gathered her into my arms again, letting my face burrow into her hair. I loved this woman so much.  


Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  


I woke to find her eyes on me, looking sweetly bashful, her eyelids fluttered as I reached up for her face.  
“Katniss…” I started, wanting to tell her my feelings. But she hushed me with a finger on my lips, followed by her gentle kiss.  


“What are we going to do?” she asked.  


It took me a minute to remember the situation outside of the two of us. “Get married, and live happily ever after” wasn’t going to be the answer she was looking for.  
“I think we wait to see how the investigations into Snow go before we come forward. It will help people understand what happened.”  


As Katniss contemplated this, there came the sound of a car pulling up outside.  


The urge to peek out the window was so strong but I knew that could give us away.  
Instead we used the sounds to try to picture what was happening. The slam of the car doors, footsteps coming up to the door. A sharp knock. “That’s a police knock,” Katniss whispered.  
A mans voice. He was invited in.  


“We should hide,” I suggested.  
“I’m sick of hiding,” She replied, “Lets just stay here together.”  
I pulled the sheet over our heads and slid my fingers through hers.  
“Together” I echoed.  


We hardly dared to breathe at first, but as the minutes passed, I was taken over by the awareness of being so close to her grey eyes and full mouth. I leant down and kissed her. She was strangely more carefree this morning and we spent the minutes enjoying the pleasures of kissing like teenagers. I wished I had known Katniss at that age too.  
“My lips are sore,” I chuckled softly  
“I’ve got stubble burn,” she giggled back.  


Outside our cocoon, the front door shut and the car drove away.  
Iris appeared in the room, looking slightly disapproving at us lying dishevelled and smelling of sex in her guest room. This only added to my giddy feeling of being young and in love.  


“That was the police letting me know you are likely to be in this area. They found your traces in the forest. I’m sorry but you’ll have to be moving on now.”

I sighed under my breath, knowing the bubble had been burst.

“So we turn ourselves in?” Unexpectedly, it was Iris who had a plan for us. “I’m sending an order of coats up to Canada. I think you could go along in the van, try staying hidden for a bit longer, see what develops.” Katniss was weighing it up. “Maybe you could go, Peeta, I’ll go to the police.” “No way, Katniss, we stay together.” She slowly let out her breath, once more appearing weighed down with worries. “O.K. then, thanks Iris, we’ll take you up on that kind offer.” “I think it’s probably the best you can do right now. My colleague Cinna will drive you. I’m sure he’ll see things our way.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Cinna arrived after lunch, in a van bearing the “Iris T” logo. Any anxieties we had about relying on the good will of another complete stranger were soon put to rest. Cinna was natural and kind, even managing to put Katniss at ease. “This is some mess you’ve got caught up in,” he remarked making it clear he wasn’t judging us.

Journalists had by now made the connection between Prim’s death in a police shoot out and Katniss; and rumours were starting, suggesting that Katniss was, in some way, involved with the gangs who had been brought to justice. I wondered if Commissioner Coin was responsible for this story getting so much air time. It seemed to have taken over from yesterday’s news of allegations against Snow. Once more, we were being portrayed as enemies of the state.

Cinna and Iris had come up with a plan to get us over the border. Her nephew often delivered her coats, and she had asked for his driver’s license, saying she needed it for company paperwork. He was small and dark haired. “Katniss, I think we can pass you off as my boy. You just need a hair cut.” Cinna got out some scissors and styled Katniss into the appearance of a male youth, dressing her in the boys clothes. I bent down to touch a lock of her fallen hair, with a pang of sadness. It made me see how desperate we had become.

Katniss was to ride up front with Cinna, whilst I would have to remain hidden in the back with the coats. The company often made trips to take goods across the border, so it shouldn’t raise any suspicions.

We set off after the sun had set into the trees behind Iris’s home. I already felt a sort of homesickness for this place, where we had found unexpected friendship. My bond to Katniss felt closer than ever. There had been a light snowfall over the last couple of days, but nothing that would hinder our journey. We should be in Canada before midnight. I was glad that Iris made fake fur coats and huddled into the softness of the fabric, aware of the sounds of Katniss and Cinna talking easily in the front seats.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

My muscles were cramped and my feet were numb as we reached the border crossing. I could tell we were in some sort of queue and made my way to peer through the crack in the door. It was dark, a cloudy night with no moonlight. Gradually my eyes adjusted and I could see that the trucks and vans ahead of us were being searched. This was not good, we had been hoping for luck that we wouldn’t be picked for a search, but it appeared nothing was being left to chance tonight. Perhaps I wasn’t thinking straight, but I decided I needed to get out of the van. If they didn’t spot Katniss’s disguise she would be ok, but not if they found me hiding there.

As quietly as I could I opened the door and dropped down onto the floor, rolling under the van. Cinna must have been beckoned forward just then as it drove away over me as I flattened myself to the floor. Once our van was clear I jumped up and hauled myself up onto the next vehicle, a car transporter, trying to conceal myself amongst the cars, but feeling pretty exposed in the cold night air. I could see Katniss and Cinna reaching the head of the queue, they were stopped briefly, then waved on. They didn’t even check the back of the van! She wouldn’t know I had been left behind.

With a smile on my lips, knowing that Katniss had made it, my face was lit up by a flashlight, blinding my vision. I was struck to the side of my head by something very hard, the handle of a gun I thought. I fell to the ground, trying to protect my head as heavy boots made direct contact with my ribs and back.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this isnt too harrowing. Keep going to the end of the page.

I held a crash position on the ground where I lay, protecting my head with my hands. The beating seemed to have stopped, but I wasn’t sure.  
“Don’t try resisting arrest again.”  
I peered through my arms to find two police officers had their guns trained on me. It didn’t seem the moment to try to have a conversation about how they could possibly consider I had resisted arrest.  
“Keep your hands up on your head.” I realised there was actually some fear behind the aggression in the officer’s voice. Not that that meant he would be any less dangerous, it’s natural to want to attack something you fear.  
They gave me commands to guide me up on to my feet, be handcuffed, searched and, finally, escorted into the back of their vehicle.  
I gazed out the window into the snowy night. Just breathing was painful from the bruising on my ribs.

As always my mind was focussed on Katniss. What would she do when she found I was gone? I would do anything to protect her, I was so glad it was me in this situation, not her. But I also knew that her overdeveloped sense of responsibility would probably kick in. I had been too hasty in jumping out the van; I didn’t stick to the plan. I hoped she would see that and be angry with me, not blame herself.  
I tried to comfort myself with the thought that Cinna had seemed to have a good way with her. He wouldn’t let her come to any harm; as long as she didn’t run off.

After around half an hour we arrived at what appeared to be a small town police station. It was confirmed that I was Peeta Mellark, and I was read my rights. I was being held for questioning on suspicion of involvement in the unlawful killing of Justice Coriolanus Snow. Anything I said would be used in evidence; I could have one phone call.  
After a bit of thinking I decided to call Johanna. She wasn’t yet a fully qualified lawyer, but I knew she worked for a law firm. I couldn’t think of anyone else who might be able to help.  
Professional Johanna was subtly different from the pushy friend of Katniss I had met before. She was highly efficient and unphased by my call, and reassured me that she would have suitable legal support with me as soon as possible. No sarcasm, no jibes at my expense! She didn’t mention Katniss on the phone, which led me to wonder if the call may be recorded. I knew that I had to get my story straight. As far as anyone could know, I had no idea what had happened to Katniss. I would say that we had been separated after stopping the car at the beach. I’d also make sure Iris T stayed out of this.

It was time for the questioning to begin. I was directed to sit at a table opposite a detective who introduced himself as Thread. He immediately started on the offensive, using abusive language, being crude and derogatory about Katniss. I balled up my fists and kept my silence, I wouldn’t rise to this bait. He carried on with his tirade through the night. I wasn’t offered a drink or any time to rest. “Isn’t there supposed to be a good cop?” I thought to myself, trying to zone out so I wouldn’t respond. I was finding it a little hard to breathe but didn’t want to have to ask for any help from this brutal man. I was sure this would be taken as weakness. I coughed into my hand and noticed a trace of pink spit, never a good sign. “Come on Johanna,” I willed; this had been going on for hours and I longed to be allowed some sleep. Surely she wouldn’t turn out to have been all talk after all.  
I looked up to find Threads face just an inch away from my own. I could feel the aggression and hatred coming off him. “Just hit me then,” I thought. I kind of wanted him to lose it. Taking beatings was something I was an expert at. It was no problem for me to remain passive in these situations. I had learned how to hold on to myself. I coughed again, not caring if Thread was caught by anything that came out of my lungs. This was too much provocation for him and he took a step back, raising his fist towards me. Before he could connect with my face, the door swung open.  
“I must insist my client has a break.” 

I could only assume this was the legal aid Johanna had found for me. She reached out to shake my hand. Rather awkwardly ,I had to wipe it on my trousers first to clean the spit off. She carefully just held my fingertips for a moment, taking in the bruising on my face.  
“Peeta Mellark?” she needlessly checked before making a formal introduction, “Delighted to make your acquaintance; Effie Trinket.”  
She turned to Thresh, “Any evidence given whilst under duress will be inadmissible.”  
I coughed again. Effie looked genuinely concerned, “He needs immediate medical attention.” 

Effie ensured I had a drink of water whilst we waited for the doctor. She appeared friendly, but her use of words always seemed carefully chosen and controlled. “So, Peeta, how much do you know about what is going on?”  
I quickly decided to act dumb, not to let slip I had been watching TV nearly constantly at Iris’s place.  
“What do you know?” I bounced it back. I knew she was here to be on my side, but I had been through too much these past few hours to let my guard down completely.  
Effie was quite open and straightforward in her reply.  
“I know that you and your girlfriend, Katniss Everdeen, were in Washington with Finnick Odair. The Odair family have arranged for me to represent you by the way. You are clearly seen as a good friend to the family.”  
The lump that was still stuck in my chest seemed to grow, making it harder to breath again. Finnick was forcibly brought to the front of my mind. I really hadn’t come to terms with the fact that I wouldn’t be seeing him again.  
“Mr Odair was found dead on the street in a very select part of town. He had been shot in the chest at close range. The weapon, found at the scene, appeared to have belonged to Justice Snow.”  
I could feel the tears sliding out of my eyes as she described Finnick’s death in this way.  
“Since this ‘incident’ a recording has been found in which Mr Odair accuses Justice Snow of serious crimes of abuse against him. Even prior to this recording being found other victims have been coming forward. This is a very high profile case, Mr Mellark.”  
“Justice Snow was also found dead close to Mr Odair’s body. He appeared to have been hit by a car.”  
She paused for me to respond. I still didn’t feel ready to say anything.  
“I’ll continue then shall I?"  
I nodded, wondering what would come next.  
“Eye witnesses have given statements that your car was seen driving away from this scene.”  
Another pause.  
“All statements have agreed that the driver appeared to be a dark haired female, a person fitting your description was her passenger.”  
“No!” I responded to this without thinking.  
“I was driving. Katniss doesn’t drive anymore.”  
She watched me, and gave a small sigh. It sounded strangely wistful rather than sad.”  
“O.k. dear. Can I call you Peeta or should we stick to Mr Mellark?”  
“You can call me Peeta.”  
“And I’m Effie. Now don’t you worry. If I do say so myself, you’re in very good hands with me. We’ll make sure the public see what a hero you truly are.”  
Hero…now that was unexpected, I certainly couldn’t see myself as the hero in any of this. But, I was tired and it was comforting to be able to put my self in the hands of this capable lawyer.

The doctor soon arrived. When he saw the blood streaked spit he ordered me, still handcuffed and guarded by police, to hospital for an X-ray. I could hear the buzz as I was fast tracked through the department. It appeared I had been made famous by the news reels, and I was aware of people taking pictures of me.  
I had a couple of cracked ribs and bruising to the lungs, but nothing to keep me in hospital, so I was returned to the police cells with a prescription for pain killers. At last I could rest my head, if only on the hard plastic sheet covering the bench in my cell. 

“Where are you Katniss?” I tried to reach my mind out to her, but couldn’t find her. I felt completely lost.

After a couple of hours the questioning with Thresh began again. A perfectly presented Effie came to join me.

I decided to get in there first before I had to listen to anymore of Thresh’s bullshit.  
“I ran him down.” It was time to confess.  
This pulled Thresh up short, just as he was about to launch into another stream of abusive language.  
“He shot my friend; I just saw red and drove into him.”  
“You were driving? All witnesses say it was the girl in the driver’s seat.”  
“I was driving.” 

“Okay,” said Effie clapping her hands together. “So we need to break now so I can offer my client the advice I am being paid to give.”  
“Just one thing then,” said Thresh,  
“Peeta Mellark, I am arresting you for the homicide of Justice Snow. You understand?”  
“Yes, I get it.” I replied.  


He left to do the paperwork, leaving me with my lawyer.  
“Peeta, you really have to tell me what happened.”  
I explained the evening in question as well as I could. (Had it really only been a week ago? I really felt like I was starting to lose my hold on perception of time.) I started with trying to explain Finnick’s need to confront Snow. This led to me remembering the disgusting way Snow had held his cheek before shooting him. I described my rage and distress. None of this was a lie. Did it really matter that Katniss had actually been the driver? Now that they had me to hold responsible, I just hoped Katniss could be left alone.

“Why doesn’t Katniss drive?”  
I explained about the accident with Rue, how that had started this whole business for me and Katniss; and that Katniss had been unwell with psychiatric problems since then.

“You love her a lot.” Effie commented.  
“Of course I do.” How could I put into words everything Katniss meant to me?  
We sat in silence for a while after this.  
“I’m going to do my very best for you both,” Effie promised. “We’re a team now.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I was taken from the police cells to a prison to be held on remand. The waiting had begun.

It was pleasing to see that there was nothing on the news about Katniss; the reports were all about me: ‘Mild mannered artist turned killer.’ I felt bad for the students I used to teach, I wondered how they would be taking this. Most of them would probably be enjoying the kudos of having been taught by a killer, but some of the more sensitive kids could be struggling with my apparent double life. 

There were some pictures of me arriving at the hospital for the chest X-ray being used in reports. My face was badly bruised and I looked half crazed with stress and lack of sleep. I just hoped Katniss didn’t see these pictures. I really didn’t want her to decide she had to step up to defend me. Surely she knew that I would gladly make any sacrifice to protect her freedom.

The weeks passed whilst lawyers on both sides gathered evidence. Effie persuaded me to plead guilty only to a lesser type of homicide, as it had not been premeditated, and I hadn’t really known what I thought would happen when I drove at Snow. The lawyers for the prosecution were looking to send me to prison for life, for a coldblooded attack on the judiciary.

As a remand prisoner, I was allowed freedoms I might otherwise have been refused.  
Johanna and Delly visited me. They brought art supplies and I started to paint again.  
At first I tried to resist, but Katniss was right there waiting to appear from my brush strokes. Her face in the morning; her Mona Lisa smile; the firelight on her skin. So many memories to hold on to.

Effie was very interested in my painting. She had studied art history as an additional subject at college and talked about the images with an educated understanding. I let her keep one of the smaller canvas’s, a study of Katniss’s face.  
After thanking me profusely for the gift, she got down to the real reason for her visit.

“The court date is finally set for next week. We still have the stumbling block of these eye witnesses saying Katniss was driving the car.”  
“We swapped seats after it had happened, I was so stunned I couldn’t carry on.” I had got my story straight by now.  
“Well that seems clear."  
So what I need you to do is take a lie detector test for me. It’s quite straightforward and it will carry more weight with the court, seeing as we have no witnesses to back you up.”  
I held my breath for a second before replying. “That’s fine. Whatever it takes.”  
“To clear Katniss’s name.” I added silently in my head. I could do this, I was sure.

The test took place a couple of days later. I was wired up to a machine that monitored my heart rate, skin temperature, breathing, pupil responses; anything that might indicate an emotional reaction to the question.

Effie asked me the questions, some basic, neutral things at first; then she asked some more complicated things, to elicit how I reacted to emotionally charged questions.  


“How long have you known Katniss Everdeen?”  
“Are you in love with her?”  
“Do you have a good relationship with your mother?”  
“Were you at the wheel of the car when it was driven into Justice Snow?”  


I just tried to keep my breathing even and hold on to what needed to be the truth.

“Well done Peeta.” Effie reassured me. “You did beautifully. I think we are as ready as we’ll ever be."  
Remember to dress in the clothes I sent you, and get a haircut. Not too short mind. We want you to look sensitive and caring, not too tough. It’s all just a game really.”

All very well for her to say when her future wasn’t on the line.

However, I was very glad of her on the morning of the court appearance. Her experience and efficiency shone out. I decided I would just have to put myself in her hands. She knew the rules of this game. For me, only one outcome would mean a victory, for Katniss to keep her freedom.

I gave my evidence early on, Effie gently leading me through my story. It started by letting the court know about the strength of my friendship with Finnick and the disclosures he had made leading up to our visit to confront Snow. The investigation into Snow was also big news at the moment, and although my trial was supposed to be seen as an entirely separate case, it wouldn’t hurt to use some of the public sympathy that was around. Effie even asked Annie to appear as a witness as to mine and Finnick’s relationship. She was using Annie’s vulnerable, innocent appearance to win people round for me. I felt bad about it, seeing how distressed she was, but Annie herself had insisted on taking part.

The cross examination focussed on my apparent involvement in running down Rue and being at the Flower Shop when the shootings took place. They had given up on trying to link me to any gang activities, but were claiming I had planned with Finnick to kill Snow before we went to Washington. They argued I must have looked at what was on the memory card at some point during all those months it was in my possession. The suggestion was that Finnick had told me what he had experienced soon after I found it, and that this had not been an accident at all. They said the incident with Rue had given me the idea. That this was a way of getting away with killing someone.

I had to admit; it was a very persuasive argument.

To my surprise, it was Effie who raised the witness statements saying that Katniss had been driving, the prosecution legal team hadn’t brought this up at all.  
She showed footage from cameras along the highway and CCTV from the gas station all clearly showing that Katniss had been driving as we left Washington.  
Then she asked me back up to the stand to explain this.  
I gave my story of swapping seats with Katniss as soon as I hit Snow, as I was too disturbed to carry on at the wheel.  
“Do you have any witnesses Peeta?” she asked kindly.  
I was confused, where was this headed? “No…”  
“No, you don’t. So we carried out a lie detector test.”  
I breathed again. This must be going to cover this issue.  
The expert came to the stand to explain the test and its accuracy. She then went through my interview.  
“So with what percentage would you say we can rely on these results?” Effie asked.  
“80-90% I’d say. Mr Mellark is someone who may try to hide his feelings, but there are clear patterns that show when he is lying.”  
Effie continued, “So is he lying when he says he was driving that night?”  
“Yes. I would say as an expert in this field that he is lying.”

My head started to spin. What was happening? 

I felt more and more angry as Effie continued to put it to the judge that I had not in fact been driving the car when it hit Snow.  
She brought Dr Aurelious to the stand to give evidence about Katniss’s mental health. He gave a very convincing opinion that Katniss was still suffering with severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and would have entered a dissociative state leading her to act out the actions from her dreams. Katniss had given him detailed descriptions of several of her recurrent dreams in which she ran someone down.  
I was furious. She had spoken to him in confidence. I had encouraged her, she hadn’t wanted to. And now this was being used against her in court. I was struggling to hold myself together. 

As a final tug on the court's heart strings, Effie brought out the painting I had made of Katniss. She left this for everyone to see, whilst she summed up her case. 

“So the truth is this. We are faced not with a cold blooded killing, but a human tragedy. We have two young people, hopelessly in love. Peeta, who we have heard is extremely loyal and faithful by nature, has stuck by Katniss despite her severe mental illness. This illness has caused her to carry out the most terrible act whilst not in control of her thoughts and actions. Who knows what she was seeing when she drove towards Snow that night? And now Peeta is here, still trying to protect the woman he loves.”

A few whispers and sighs could be heard from around the room, as people bought into the romance.  
I felt sick to the stomach and was glad to be led away from court back to the cells whilst the judge and jury decided what they believed.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“How could she do this, how could she….use me, to hurt Katniss!”  
I had refused to see Effie, but when Johanna turned up at visiting time I agreed to meet.  
“But what she said was the truth Peeta,” Johanna argued back. “You would always do anything to protect Katniss.”  
“You told her!” I had a sudden moment of clarity. Where else would Effie have come up with this, she must have had insider information. “How could you Johanna. You know that’s not the way me and Katniss work; we always protect each other first.”  
“Even if that means lying under oath?”  
“You just don’t get it.” 

I gave in trying to argue. I was starting to find it hard to know what the truth really was anymore, what with all the spinning of stories that was going on.  
What Effie said had been the truth I suppose, but it had also been a betrayal.  
My head hurt. I missed Katniss so much. If I could only see her face one more time, I could maybe feel some peace again. But if I saw her that would me she was trapped as well. I would just have to learn a way to be without her.

“Do you want me to visit again?” Johanna had clearly had enough of sitting watching me gaze at the floor.  
With a sigh I nodded. “I’m not really in a position to be choosy about who my friends are right now.”  
There was nothing to be gained from holding on to my anger at Johanna for coming between me and Katniss. She clearly admired Effie and would have been led into thinking it was the right thing to do. And maybe Katniss would contact Johanna one day…I had to keep hold of that hope.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Jury made their decision. They went with the story of the "star crossed lovers" as the Newspapers were billing us.  
I was sentenced to just 2 years in Prison for aiding an offender, but would probably only need to serve one year if I behaved well. It had been decided I was probably not a danger to the general public after all.  
Pleading guilty was taken as a sign of my remorse rather than an attempt to pervert the course of justice.  
The case building against Justice Snow also made it not to the courts taste to punish me too severely. The politicians, including Commissioner Coin, wanted this whole scandal forgotten as soon as possible.  


I couldn’t celebrate though. I still didn’t know what had happened to Katniss. How was she surviving out there?

Johanna visited every week but had no news for me.  
Then, one day, I was pleasantly surprised to find Annie waiting for me at the visitors table.  
Her small hand on the table looked lost without Finnick to hold it.  
“How’ve you been?” I asked gently.  
“Not too good to be honest Peeta. I kind of broke down without Finnick.”  
“But I’m here because I’ve got some news, and I decided I should be the one to tell you.”  
“That’s intriguing Annie,” I smiled at her encouragingly, she seemed frightened to speak.  
“ Well I wanted to come to see you with my first news, and then there’s something else happened, and I decided I could do this.”  
She was stealing herself.  
“Go on.”  
“My first news is, I’m pregnant. I’m going to have Finnick’s baby.”  
Her face lit up as she gave me proper eye contact for the first time since she’d arrived.  
“It was the baby giving me morning sickness that stopped me coming with Finnick to find Snow. I just have to think there was a reason for that. He’s still going to be here with me in the life of our child.”

“Annie, that’s amazing…Finnick’s baby…” I felt happy for the first time since leaving Katniss.  
“I know Peeta, it is amazing. And we have to remember that, life goes on, life can be amazing still.”

Her words were strangely heavy.  
“Annie?” 

She took a deep breath; “The other news is, Katniss has been found.”  
“Oh no,” I groaned, the news I had dreaded. “They got her. Where is she?”  
“Peeta, they didn’t get her.”  
Why was she crying? ”Annie, you’re not making any sense now.”  
At last she faced me and spoke, “She’s dead.”  
I crumbled into a thousand pieces, never to be whole again.

The prison guards had to take me away and sedate me.

Eventually I needed to find out more. I knew there would be no comfort from the answers, but what I heard only broke me further apart.  
Katniss’s remains had been found in the forests near Iris’s house. She appeared to have set herself on fire using petrol. Her body was beyond identification, but some DNA traces had been matched. The pearl ring I gave her was also found in the ashes.

This was too much for my mind to handle. I kept seeing her and hearing her. But it wasn’t the Katniss I’d longed for. She seemed evil somehow; dangerous.  
I was moved to the hospital wing for treatment. The Psychologist suggested I try painting as therapy, but I didn’t know where to start.  
“Why don’t you show me some of the work you did before?”  
So the paintings were brought, and there she was in all her glory confronting me.  
I was overtaken by senseless rage. All my sympathy and understanding of Katniss was stripped away.

My fist tore through the first canvas, then another. I threw them across the room, wanting to destroy them, to erase her from my mind once and for all.  
I found myself screaming, “How could you leave me? How could you do that to yourself? Did I mean nothing to you?”  
Then the tears came full on. I couldn’t really hate her, I would always love her; but she had done the worst thing she ever could have done to me. And I hated myself for feeling so selfish.  


Prison was as good a place as any to learn how to carry on with life. I didn’t have to make any decisions about when to get up, eat, exercise, sleep. I did as I was told, and as expected I was released, after around twelve months. The problem was I didn’t know who I was anymore.  


Annie came to pick me up. She brought little Finn with her. She said he liked me, but he just had his father’s genes, giving him a ready smile for everyone. I sat next to him in the back of the car holding on to his chubby baby fingers, taking in his soapy smell, as he blew spit bubbles and babbled away. But then I remembered little Posy. I remembered holding her in my arms whilst Katniss sang to her.  
How was I going to get through this?  
“Just take one day at a time,” said Annie, reading my mind in her intuitive way.  


Annie now had Johanna and Delly living with her, and she was happy for me to join them too.  
“Johanna helped me keep it together,” she explained. “I don’t know if I could have been the mother Finn needed without these women. We all take care of each other, and we’ll take care of you too.” 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By the end of the week Johanna had had enough. 

“I thought it was a one off, but every night Peeta! You’re going to have to sort that shit out.”  
“I mean, Katniss was right, you do make a good cheese bun, but if I get woken up again by your screaming, I’m going to come through and personally silence you, once and for all.”  
There was method in her approach.  
“How can you just say her name like that?” I asked.  
“Because she was my best friend and I don’t want ever to forget how she really was. Not all this messed up stuff that happened to her; but my funny, grumpy, loyal friend, Katniss.”  
“My head is just so messed up about her. Sometimes I scream at night because I cant save her; and other nights she’s there trying to kill me.”  
“You need closure.”  
Blunt was useful, but this was really just not getting the point.  
“I will never leave Katniss behind, Johanna. She will always be part of me.”  
“O.K. Loverboy. But there’s a reason people go through rituals around death. Let’s give it a try.”

So we arranged to go up to New Jersey, to the place where the remains of Katniss were found. I wondered whether there would be some way to bring them back so she could join Prim in their meadow. 

Iris met us. It had been a very long journey but I didn’t want to rest yet. I had come this far. I needed to be where Katniss had spent her last moments.  
She led us through the trees to a clearing. Some stones had been piled up to make a kind of a monument. There were no signs of the fire.  
“This is where she was found?” I asked.  
“Yes; this is where I found her.”  
“You found her…I didn’t know.”  
“That’s right. I saw the smoke rising up through the trees in the morning, but the fire had been going all night. It was only really the ring that let us know it was her.”

It was unimaginable.

“We can come back again later Peeta,” said Iris gently. “Come to my house and have some tea with me now. You need to take your time with this.”  
It was strange again to be back in Iris’s house without Katniss. I just had to accept this was how life would always feel now, like a part of me was missing.  
Iris helped Johanna settle herself in a chair in the room where I had watched TV with Katniss’s head on my shoulder.  
“Come and help me in the kitchen Peeta.”  
She put the kettle on, and gestured for me to sit at the table.  
She put her hand out with the palm facing up, so I laid my hand in hers.  
Leaning forward she whispered, “You know it’s not real, don’t you?”


	11. Chapter 11

And so my heart was started again.

Iris explained, as best she could, that Katniss had been wild with anger and fear when she realised I was gone. Cinna still had the scars to show for it.  
And then she saw the pictures of me going into hospital after my “questioning” by the police…  
It had taken an awful lot of persuasion to keep her from turning herself in; but by then she had also started to sink into depression, losing her energy and fight. She gave up on everything; eating, sleeping, washing; and decided that she needed to stay as far away from me as possible. She was convinced that I would die if she came anywhere near me.

She was too far gone to follow the court case or take in the verdict at first. But Cinna had managed to get hold of a supply of the pills she used to take and she eventually came round enough to realise what was going on in the world. She still believed I would be better off without her though, and between them Katniss and Cinna came up with the plan to make everyone think she was dead.  
She sent down the pearl ring and Iris had kept the locks of Katniss’ hair which they used to confirm her DNA. It turned out the police were delighted to have such a neat tying up of the case. They seemed to be acting on orders from above not to investigate too closely. It was better for Commissioner Coin to have Katniss out of the way. This ending fitted so well with the romantic tragedy conjured up by Effie. Everyone was satisfied, the media had its romance, Coin could save police time and money and move the attention on to a news story that painted the powers that be in a better light. The matter of these lies totally screwing with my head just hadn’t come into it.

Iris stopped talking and went to the kitchen draw to get a spoon. She took the sugar caddy down.  
“I don’t take sugar, Thank you.”  
“No sugar, O.K.” She sat back down in front of me, continuing to open the jar and dig down into the white grains. At last she found the iridescent surface of the pearl. No longer attached to its ring.  
“I thought you should have this.”  
It lay in my palm, my promise to Katniss that I was hers forever.  
“Katniss really thought that this would be better for me; that I would get over it eventually!”  
I suppose I should have been angry or upset, but I felt like laughing.

“Not real.”

Iris’s words acted like a bandage, holding back the slow haemorrhaging of my soul that I had been experiencing since hearing of Katniss’ suicide.  
Tears welled in my eyes as I grinned at Iris. “So you’re telling me, she’s still alive.”  
She gave my hand a squeeze. “I saw the way you two looked at each other when you were here. I couldn’t keep this from you. Watching you out there in the forest, I realised this was too cruel; I decided it was time someone gave you a chance to play a hand too. That Miss Everdeen needs someone to keep her in check. She clearly had Cinna wrapped round her finger! “

“I don’t know if I’m the right man for that job.”  
“Do you want to be?”  
“But does she really need me? I’ve never been the man to stand up to her, to tell her what to do.”  
Iris gave a snort, “That’s why it’s you she needs. Do you think any man could tell Katniss what to do! She listens to you; not because you’re tough with her. She listens to you because she loves you.”

Iris got up to pour the boiling water on the tea leaves.  
“I honestly have no idea where she got to though.”  
I didn’t care. I would find her trail and track her down.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After sharing our tea in near silence, I went to bed, needing space to adjust to the new reality.  
I had decided not to let Johanna in on what Iris had told me. Not just yet. It wasn’t my secret to tell. However much I struggled with what Katniss had done to us, the ones she had left behind; I still had to respect her wishes.

We visited the clearing in the forest again in the morning, to pay our respects. Despite knowing it wasn’t real, the atmosphere was heavy. It started to rain, heavy rain that fell straight from the clouds to the earth, soaking us through to the skin. Looking across at Johanna I could see her shivering, her mascara smudged. She was using the rain to cover her tears. I took her hand and pulled her in to a hug. It felt like I was torturing her, keeping the truth hidden from her. Johanna had already lost so much, but had never given up the fight. I had a surge of admiration for her and held her tight. She assumed I was reaching out for comfort too, and squeezed me back.

It was still raining as we set off back home. I offered to take the first turn at driving, Johanna was quiet, not her usual self at all. The rain seemed to have washed away her outer coating of fierce.  
“Are you going to be O.K.” I asked, concerned.  
“O.K. is what I do best. Just get me home to my girls. And seeing as we’ve had a hard day, I’ll let something slip-I could really use a cuddle from baby Finn right now. I’m trusting you with that one Mellark.” She punched me hard on the leg to make sure I took her seriously.  
“He’s no ordinary baby is he? Just like his dad.”

After a few minutes Johanna seemed to have brought herself round again. I really had to give her credit for her strength of spirit.  
She started quizzing me.  
“So what about you Peeta? That was pretty heavy going, but did it help you sort out any of that confusion you had about Katniss? You must see she had a disease that killed her. She couldn’t have done that unless she was really ill.”

“I can’t believe it’s true.”  
She groaned, “So the nights being woken up by your screaming go on.”  
“Something about the whole thing didn’t feel right to me Johanna,” I had realised the only way to tell her the truth was to lie to her.  
“You said I need to find closure. Maybe you are right after all.”  
“It’s usually what happens” she retorted.  
“Well, that means I need to find Cinna; I need to know what happened after I left her. I just won’t be able settle to anything else until I’ve done this.”  
“I suppose I should have realised it was going to take more than one trip for you to work her out of your system.”  
I couldn’t help but smile to myself.  
“You do seem more peaceful somehow though,” Johanna commented, “It must have helped you a bit to go there.”  
“Johanna, Thank you, for making me go back up there. Talking to Iris really helped.”  
“ There’s just some more gaps I need to fill in.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Despite thinking I was on a fools errand, Johanna used her legal know how to make sure I had all the paperwork I needed to get into Canada with a criminal record. This must have taken her considerable time and effort.  
“You really needed a good nights sleep didn’t you,” I teased, as she handed me the Visa.  
At last the day had come. I was escorted to the station by my four allies, Johanna, Delly, Annie and baby Finn.  
“Please be careful, Peeta,” Annie spoke softly as she hugged me to her side, Finn on her other hip, playing with his mothers hair.  
“We’ll worry about you.”  
“Don’t worry Annie. What have I got to lose?”  
Her eyes looked sad for me. I could tell she thought I was going to end up heartbroken again.  
“Just be good,” added Delly, kissing me on the cheek. “We don’t want to see you in any more news reports.”  
Johanna gave me a quick tight squeeze, almost knocking the breath out of me.  
“I wish I could come with you.”  
I gave her a smile to try to reassure her. “These guys need you here.”

I looked at the four of them standing in a row. I felt more cared for and wanted by them than I had ever felt by my family.  
“Let me take a picture of my beautiful people.” I hoped one day soon I would be showing this to Katniss.  
It was sad to say goodbye, but I was itching to get going. I could tell I would have to pull myself away, they weren’t going to just let me go.  
I picked up my rucksack and gave them a wave as I stepped up onto the train.  
“Take care of them Finn.”  
I turned away and went to find my seat.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

There were two other people in the compartment. A man with bushy eyebrows and thick glasses, staring intently at his laptop screen; and a tall, thin woman reading a book, ”Ancient Greek Myths.”  
She looked up and gave me a nod. I was glad there was no sign of recognition in her eyes. My brief experience of fame meant that some people would ask if they knew me from somewhere.

I stowed my rucksack and settled in; just watching the scenery slip by, letting my mind drift. It would take three days to reach Vancouver. Then I just had the minor challenge of finding a small brunette, who was thought to be somewhere in Canada. Oh, and she never wanted to see me again.

Involuntarily a large sigh escaped me.  
“Are you O.K. Dear” the woman asked kindly.  
“Sorry,” I replied, “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”  
“It’s time for a break anyway. Did you order lunch?”  
I looked at my ticket, I was due for lunch in 10 minutes.  
The woman introduced herself as Vanessa, “but everyone calls me Wiress-I was part of the team that created the astrothermomodulator system.”  
“Impressive!” I replied, not having a clue what that was.  
“They use it on the space shuttle,” she explained, probably disappointed that she wasn’t going to be able to find much common ground with me.  
“And this is my friend, Sam Beattie.”  
I put my hand out and he gave me a firm handshake.  
“Just Beattie-I was in the military-until they had to pension me off.”  
He indicated a wheel chair folded up at the end of the seat.  
“Spinal injury.” He supplied the information as someone who had been asked what happened too many times.  
“I was very lucky a few years back,” I shared, “I got a bullet injury in the back. The hospital I was in happened to be trialling this new therapy for a research project. I don’t know if it’s widely available yet, but it worked for me. Plus the excercises of course.”  
A look of understanding passed between us.

I joined them for lunch, trying to remember as much as I could about the treatment I had been given to satisfy Beattie’s enquiring mind. They didn’t ask anything more about the circumstances in which I got a bullet in the back, being more interested in the science.

Back in the compartment we didn’t talk much more, my companions were busy with their studies, and I took out my sketch pad to pass the time.

The days and nights rolled by. In my dreams I was crawling, pulling myself along with my arms, trying to find my legs. I was relieved to find I hadn’t been screaming out at least, though I don’t think Wiress and Beattie would have been fazed if I had.

Just a few hours left to Vancouver. I was started to feel agitated.  
“I don’t think you’ve slept too well on the train, have you Peeta?” asked Wiress.  
I shook my head.  
“Do you mind me asking what your plans are?”  
She was so sweet and just genuinely interested, I found myself opening up. It was a relief to talk about this, instead of having it going round and round getting nowhere in my head.  
“I’m going to try to find an old friend. We lost touch a couple of years ago, but I need to check she’s OK. Trouble is, all I know is she’s somewhere in Canada.”  
“And you can’t call her or put a message out there?”  
“She can’t know I’m coming or she’ll run.”  
Beattie’s head looked up from his screen. My dilemma had caught his interest.  
“You need to get into her head. Think like she would,” he advised.  
“What are her natural instincts?”  
I thought about her always checking out for hidden dangers that lurked, waiting to hurt those she loved.  
“To keep things private, to keep herself hidden away.”  
I could see her in my minds eye, surrounded by trees, “ She’ll be in a forest.”  
Beattie quickly checked his laptop.  
“Well you’ve reduced your search by over half there. Just 42% of Canada is covered by forest.”  
He looked surprised as I groaned; from a data point of view he had thought this was helpful.  
“So how would you lure her?” he asked, enjoying my plight as some sort of brain training exercise.  
“How would I lure her?” I smiled, “With cheese buns!”  
“She likes to eat?”  
“Well, she knows how to go without; but really, she likes good food. She can’t cook though. So if she’s near any civilisation, it’s probably going to be some sort of food outlet. She doesn’t realise it, but people want to be on her side. I bet there’s someone out there looking out for her, making sure she’s fed.” It was a comforting thought. And, although I’d only reduced my hunt by ‘58%’ I did feel better for having Beattie apply his logic. It made me feel it might be possible to work this out.  
Beattie was back onto his laptop project again, but Wiress came and sat next to me.  
“I know you say she doesn’t want you to find her, but there might still be a part of her that’s waiting for you. She might be somewhere that reminds her of you.”  
I didn’t let myself believe this could be true.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The border crossing went without a hitch, and we arrived in Vancouver.  
As the train stopped moving we were strangers again; but I promised to let Wiress know how I got on with my search.

I had spoken to Cinna on the phone before I set off. He was back in New York now (something else I had lied to Johanna about). His career as a designer had taken off over the past year. He said he had been inspired by Katniss.  
He last saw her just about a year ago. She had handed him the pearl ring and set off on a bus headed north. She hadn’t let him give her much; just some clothes to make sure she’d be kept warm and enough money for the fare.

It was all I had to go on, so I went straight to the bus terminal to keep heading north.

The bus was cramped compared to the train. People chatted superficially to their neighbours but I wasn’t in the mood for chatter. I realised what a bleak position I was in; so far away from anything real, chasing after a dream. I could hear my mothers accusing voice saying those very words when I told her I was going to be an artist. She had been right about that…

The man next to me had been napping, but he suddenly roused himself.  
“Where are we?” he asked. I realised I had no idea, and just had to laugh at myself.  
“On a road to nowhere!” I joked.  
He chuckled back. “Here have a sip,” he passed me a large hip flask.  
“Thanks,” it would be rude not to accept his famous Canadian hospitality. I took a large swig. It was rough spirit, but I liked the way it burned in my chest.  
“That’s the stuff, it’ll help you get your bearings.”  
He introduced himself as Chaff. He was headed back home after spending some time in the city.  
“These bus journeys can be hell,” he said, passing the flask again. “Don’t be shy, I’ve got plenty more,” He indicated to his bag  
I didn’t need any more encouragement and soon me and Chaff were getting along like a house on fire. I didn’t mention anything about my wild goose chase for Katniss. He was sharing his drink to have a companion and I didn’t want to bring the mood down. I told him I’d not long got out of prison without giving any details, trying to beef up my back story to fit with this man who was more than a bit rough around the edges. I gave him some prison stories; things I’d seen that had been far from entertaining at the time, but with the addition of alcohol had become a good tale. He told me how he lost his hand in an accident at a sawmill; I bet that wasn’t nearly as funny at the time either.  
We drank and napped and drank some more as the miles went on and on.

It was the next evening when we stopped at a bus stop in the middle of nowhere.  
“Well this is nowhere, are you coming?” he asked.  
“Sure, that’s where I’m headed,” I followed him into the night.  
We trudged along finishing the dregs from what was finally his last bottle of liquor.  
“I think we’re still in time for a drink. Haymitch will open up for me anyway, he owes me.”  
By the side of the road was a wooden building. It was dark and I couldn’t make out my surroundings. But through the windows the lights were bright and I could see the bottles of liquid lined up behind the bar.  
There were only three or four other men in the bar, but for all I knew this could be a wild night in these parts.  
They all seemed to know Chaff, and drinks were soon lined up on the bar for us both. He introduced me as his friend; Pete, from Vancouver. That suited me just fine. No-one asked any more about me, maybe he turned up with a new friend every week.  
After coming so far with him without thinking about it, I just started to wonder if this was really a sensible position to have got myself in.  
“You’re thinking Pete,” Chaff noticed, “that’s not going to do anyone any good. As my old friend Haymitch always says, Drink, don’t think!”  
So I joined him in taking shots.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I needed a drink of water so badly, but couldn’t manage to lift my head off the floor. If I didn’t get a drink soon I thought my mouth would be glued shut. The familiar pounding in my head, “Ne-ver-a-gain, Nev-er-a-gain,” would I ever learn? Maybe I should give up trying and just start the day with another shot?  
It was quite an appealing thought, being drunk was freeing, I was sick of trying to do the right thing. I pushed up onto my knees, and waited whilst the room rushed past a few times.

There was no one else here in the bar. I reached up to grip the counter and haul myself up.  
I found myself face to face with a pair of grey eyes.  
“Good morning,” I realised I was probably still under the influence.  
“Wrong on both counts. It’s after 12 and there’s nothing good about today.” The grey eyes lived on the face of an unshaven, underfed man, with an angry look about him.  
“Sorry,” I thought it best to apologise first, seeing as I couldn’t remember most of the previous night.  
“Did we meet last night?”  
“This is my bar, boy. And it’s not ok for you to be sleeping here. I will have paying customers arriving soon. Speaking of which, how do you intend to pay?”  
Despite his angry tone, he poured me a glass of water, setting it firmly down in front of me.  
I downed it in one gulp, feeling my dried up cells starting to plump up again.  
“I was here with Chaff?” I was starting to wonder if that was real.  
“Well you’re not anymore; he left at 6am, to get the bus off to the mines. He only passes through every few months. Causes bloody trouble every time. Just because I didn’t put the guard on that saw properly.”  
“You cut his hand off?”  
“No I did not cut his hand off!” Ouch that made my head hurt, but I didn’t dare to shush him.  
“He cut his hand off. I just didn’t run all the checks properly. But he’s going to make me pay for it every time he passes through.”  
I must have looked surprised.  
“Yeah, he makes out like he doesn’t care, but he’s bitter inside alright.”  
“So anyway, how are you going to pay?”  
I looked around, “Have you seen my rucksack?”  
“Good grief kid, do you know nothing about getting drunk with strangers?”  
I pulled myself to sit on a barstool and rested my head in my hands. Thank God I was drunk.  
I looked up longingly at the drinks behind the bar owner.  
“Oh no, you need to start paying your way. First thing, you can clear all these glasses and get washing up. And sweep down the floors, open the windows a bit maybe, it stinks in here.”

“You can help yourself to water.”  


Sweating as the drunk feeling turned into a full blown hangover, I did the jobs as asked, and sat down in the kitchen behind the bar. I needed some pain relief. As I searched the cupboards I came across flour and yeast. I couldn’t resist, this was the therapy I needed.  
The bar owner, Haymitch, walked in to find me wrists deep in dough. My first loaves were already in the oven, giving the room that delicious warm bread smell.  
“You’ve done a good job out there boy.”  
“I hope you don’t mind me baking some bread; it helps clear my head.”  
“We’ll see what it sells for and knock it off your bill.”  
The bread went down well made into sandwiches and served with some soup I made from leftovers in the fridge.

By evening I had just about stopped feeling sick but my head was still throbbing.  
I realised I didn’t have to stay, it was just my usual sense of obligation making me hang around and take orders where others would have just got up and left.  
I walked out the door for the first time since the previous night.  
The light was dimming but I could see that the bar was positioned by a small road surrounded by trees. There were just four or five other small wooden buildings. A gas station and shop and maybe some homes?  
I followed the road to look what lay over the slope.

The sight stopped me in my tracks with its unexpected beauty. The sun was setting over a lake, the soft oranges turning into pinks reflected in the still water. The shadows of the trees giving a frame. The air was clear and sweet. I walked down to the edge of the lake soaking up the feeling of being part of this place. The stillness calmed me inside.  
She’d been waiting for me all day, and now I let myself wallow in memories of Katniss. The evening light reminded me of the time when I gave her my ring. I checked my pocket. The pearl was still there, at least I hadn’t been so stupid as to leave that in the rucksack. “Don’t leave me Katniss.” With no one around to hear, I voiced my plea, knowing how pathetic I must sound. I stood there until the light had finally gone, then made my way back to the bar.

“Here he is,” Haymitch remarked as I walked in. “And look boy, your rucksack turned up!” he winked and laughed at a customer. He had had it all along.  
“Fair play,” I laughed with him. The lake had helped bring back my sense of humour.  
“So where are you headed to now?”  
“I’m not sure; somewhere private with trees and cheese buns.” This was a bit too cryptic for Haymitch.  
“Well, you can stay here for a bit if you can work for your keep. I’ve never been much good with keeping up with the hygiene side of things and people expect more these days. You could maybe cook some food up at lunch everyday too, might bring us a bit more custom?”  
I thought about my plan to find Katniss; staying here wasn’t going to get me far with that. But I was tired, and I had actually felt closer to her by the lake than I had for a long time.  
“Thanks Haymitch. I’d like to take you up on that.” We shook hands.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I started to enjoy working for Haymitch. I liked putting things in order in the bar in the mornings, it was a good way to start the day. But mostly I enjoyed baking and cooking. I had to use whatever was available to come up with the ‘dish of the day’. Some days were easier than others. Once or twice a week I’d find freshly caught meat in the fridge. I soon learned how to skin a rabbit or a hare.  
“Who brings the meat in?” I asked Haymitch. “They must be quite a hunter, there’s never a mark on the animal.”  
“That’s my sister’s kid, Mel. Quiet kid, doesn’t like to meet new people.”  
“Well tell Mel to keep the meat coming, I’ve got an idea for a stew.”

The weeks turned into months, and I started to think I needed to get going again. At least I felt a bit more at home in this part of the world now. Maybe I’d not stand out quite so obviously as a stranger at my next stop. If Katniss had been here she would have run a mile by now, that was for sure.  
Spring was in the air; time for a new beginning.

I was up extra early the next day, my mind had been more active and the daybreak woke me.  
Haymitch was already at the bar, talking to someone sat on a stool.  
I paused in the doorway, not sure if I was intruding on something private.  
He beckoned me over.  
" Mel, meet our new cook. He's been turning your produce into a different league of cuisine, we’ll be getting stars on the door if I'm not careful.”  
“We don't want to get on the map though, do we?” He replied in a growl removing his cap.  
I watched the braid tumble down from the cap.It swung for a second, before Mel turned round to greet me with a glare.

She was here, her face gaunt and weary. Her large grey eyes haunted, looking straight at me. The glare turned to panic. There was only a second to take her in before she turned and ran.


	12. Chapter 12

“Mel’s a girl.”  
“ye-ess,” Haymitch answered slowly. I realised he had never said otherwise, I had made an assumption about his ‘sister’s kid’, the hunter.  
He was watching me in a way that made me wonder how much he knew; but I wasn’t going to be the first one to break the stand off. I couldn’t say anything that might put Katniss at risk.  
Eventually the cogwheels turned in my brain; he must know she’s not his niece.  
“Your sister’s kid?” I tried to sound casual.  
“That’s what I told you.” He was good at this.

Suddenly it hit me; stop fucking about playing games with Haymitch, go get her back.

I turned and ran after her.  
Haymitch shouted after me, “Through the trees on the left side by the lake; keep going till you think you’ve gone too far.”  
I pounded down to the lake and into the trees. With little else to do in Prison but lift weights, my strength and fitness levels were actually better than before and I thought I must be close behind her.  
I was loud though, she’d know I was coming. With that thought I decided I might as well go for broke and started shouting out, “MEL!, MEL!” as I ran at full pelt.

Something pulled my legs out from underneath me and I found my face in the dirt.  
She stood over me, fists clenched, face livid. Just magnificent.  
“What, do, you, think, you, are, doing?” She snarled.  
“Katniss…” I started.  
She grabbed my shirt at my shoulder and pulled me to my feet, her rage doubling her strength.  
“Don’t you dare!” She fixed me with her eyes, and started dragging me along.  
“Just try to keep it quiet.” Her voice was low but still menacing.  
How could I keep quiet? I felt like I just wanted to explode, set off fireworks, shout at the top of my voice. Her touch was like electricity even through the fabric. I couldn’t take my eyes off her; which of course meant I tripped over every uneven bit of ground, making her look like she wanted to kill me. “Oh to be killed by your hands Katniss; I would die happy,” I thought to myself in my delirium. I couldn’t believe I had actually found her. I wondered how many of my bones she would break if I tried to kiss her right now. Luckily before I got carried away, she bundled me into a small hut.

“Sit down and shut up.”  
I complied but couldn’t stop the smile that had fixed itself on my face.  
“Do you realise the trouble I have gone to, to stay hidden out here?” She whisper-shouted.  
“Then you just come along shouting and stamping through the woods. This could mess everything up. What will happen to Cinna and Iris if they find out what we’ve done?”  
This sobered me up a little; I hadn’t thought of that.  
“Not thought of that had you? And you said I was self centred.”  
“Katniss, I haven’t seen you for over a year. I thought you were dead…”  
She stared at her feet.  
“Come on Katniss, keep fighting back,” I willed her on in my head.  
“How do you think I felt when you weren’t in the back of the van?” the fire was back in her eyes.  
“Yes!” I thought, “Bullseye!” I deserved that one.  
“I’m so sorry Katniss. I saw the police searching and thought you wouldn’t stand a chance with me hidden in there.”  
“You left me.” I couldn’t stand the accusation in her eyes.  
“Never. I never left you Katniss. Why do you think I’m here?” I rolled the pearl round in my pocket; but I knew it was too soon for that.  
She slowed, but her face continued to wear a mask of aggression.  
“I don’t know why you’re here, what you expect to happen? But, as far as I’m concerned nothing needs to change. Its ok now; Cinna’s safe, Iris is safe. You’re safe…” she allowed herself to look at me properly for the first time, still keeping her reserve.  
I begged her with my eyes, “Come on Katniss; this is me, this is us.” I thought, but knew better than to say it aloud.  
“You are safe,” she said in a more determined voice. “You are safe back at home anyway. You won’t be safe here with me.”  
She let out a sad sigh and her shoulders dropped as she averted her gaze from me.  
“We just can’t be together.”

I didn’t agree, but there was no point trying to argue with her.

I reached out to touch her braid, “I’m just happy to have seen you again.”  
I dropped my hand down to brush against her fingers. It was torture not to be able to just grab her and hold her; kiss her, claim her as my own. But I had to respect that she was not in that place anymore.  
I lingered as long as I could but she had nothing more to say to me.

A thought crossed my mind as I realised I would have to go back without her.  
“How much does Haymitch know?”  
She snorted, “Too much.”  
“Really?”  
“He got me drunk.”  
The dark shadow of jealousy crossed over my heart.  
“You never get drunk. At least you never got drunk with me.”  
“Did you like it?” I couldn’t quite hide my emotion.  
“I liked trying to forget that I’m a worthless bitch who let you go to prison for me.” She countered angrily.  
“Didn’t rate the hangover so much though. Or realising the next day I had told him what I’d done to you. Unfortunately, he knows the whole story.”  
I stopped my stupidity immediately. I had to leave my insecurity behind to have any chance with Katniss.  
“So, do you think he would have realised who I was, before he introduced us today.”  
“I don’t know. He hadn’t mentioned anything about you to me. How long have you been here?”  
“‘Couple of months.”  
She looked shocked. “You’ve been here two months…”  
“I was about to leave to go searching for you further north.”  
The thing Wiress had said came back to me. “Was it the lake that made you stay here?”  
At last she softened enough to let a small smile play on her lips. “Yes. You’ve seen the sunset then?”  
The urge to hold her was making my arms actually ache.  
Our eyes shared the understanding even if we couldn’t dare to say it out loud.

Once more I just wanted to laugh and celebrate. I decided to quit whilst I was ahead.  
“I guess I better be off then?”  
Her light dimmed. “It’s for the best Peeta.”  
“I meant I better leave you in peace in your hut here. I’m not leaving my new job!”  
She couldn’t quite hide the relief though she sounded annoyed.  
“Don’t go making things complicated.”  
I smiled at her again. “See you round Mel; it was good to meet you!”

I couldn’t help singing as I walked back through the woods, tunelessly paraphrasing Rhianna, “I found love in a hopeless place…”  
“Peeta,” she was so good at creeping up on me, “Your glasses must have fallen out your pocket.”  
“Thanks,” I took them with an embarrassed grin.  
I thought about giving her the pearl again, but it still didn’t feel quite the right moment.  
A flash of yellow on the ground caught my eye. I wanted to at least give her something, so I bent down and picked the dandelion.  
“For you.”  
“Thanks.”  
A pause and then she turned back again.  
I watched her move; the way her hips swung slightly as she walked… I just kept on falling in love with this woman.  
She turned back to see me looking at her still.  
“Nice singing by the way,” she smirked and ran off, disappearing noiselessly amongst the trees.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Haymitch wasn’t around when I got back to the bar, so I just carried on as usual, setting everything straight, sweeping the floor, letting some fresh air in. Then I set to work in the kitchen. Katniss had brought 4 fat rabbits with her, before I scared her off. I would make them into the best thing anyone had tasted. Of course that thought set my mind to remembering the best thing I ever tasted; the taste of Katniss. Sweet, yet tangy, almost lemony. I started to day dream about how I would use my tongue on her, sliding it into every nook and fold, lapping at her pussy, sucking on her clit until she screamed, whilst I caressed the flesh on her thighs.

I was brought back with a bump by Haymitch’s raucous laugh. He usually went back to sleep for most of the day and drank with his customers into the early hours. Seemed he’d started a bit earlier than usual today. I blushed as I realised I was more than stiff and it was pretty obvious.  
“What are you planning to do with them rabbits exactly?!” He laughed.  
“Fuck off Haymitch” It was the best I could come up with.  
“So you introduced yourself to Mel?” When had he ever been in the mood for a chat?  
“Yep. We got introduced. She’s a piece of work alright, your niece.”  
“Nice piece of ass as well!” he said in a lewd tone.

Instantly my fist flew at him, but Haymitch surprised me with his reflexes.  
He dodged the hit and had my arm twisted behind me.  
“Look here lover boy”, he growled into my ear. “You may have the blue eyes and muscles, but I am still the boss in this place.”  
He let my arm go but held on to my gaze.

“You are going to have to make a better job of keeping your feelings hidden, or you could make things dangerous for the girl. She keeps herself out the way; but men are going to comment about her, and you’ll have to deal with it. Your story wasn’t the main headline up here, but its still a bit soon to be parading round as a couple again. Just takes one wrong person to work it out and they could cause a lot of trouble for you both.”

“So you know everything? You knew who I was straight away.”  
“I figured you’d be showing up soon enough. You were all she went on about when she’d had a drink; how she had to keep you safe. I guessed if you were the man she thought you were, you wouldn’t be leaving her behind so easily.”  
“But you’ve been pretty loud so far ‘Pete’, you need to keep it down or someone might suspect. I mean maybe if I was you, I would think about leaving again now you’ve checked in on her. Might be for the best?”  


I had been avoiding this thought, but it was there. I could well be risking Katniss’s freedom by following her. Perhaps I should leave her to this new life she was making for herself.

“I can’t” I felt the pearl in my pocket. “I just can’t do it, I can’t leave her alone.”  
“No, you can’t, can you boy,” he had softened a little. “But be careful will you. No more rushing around.”  


Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So I tried my best to steer clear of Katniss; to act like we had never met.  
I carried on as before, as Haymitch’s new cook. Turning her catch into meals was our only interaction. I got Haymitch to send some of the dishes down to her in a flask. It always came back empty, so I had the small satisfaction of knowing I was feeding her again, but it still wasn’t enough for me. I lay awake at night missing her and fantasising over memories of her lips, her body, her touch…

It was Summer and the moon was full. The thought of the moon light on Katniss’s olive skin had started me thinking of her lying naked in her hut in the forest. Eventually I had got out of bed and brought myself to release in the shower. I didn’t just miss her for what she did to my cock; but I couldn’t deny how much I wanted to be close to her in that way again too. I knew I wasn’t going to get back to sleep, so I gave up, put my jeans and shirt on and went down to the lake.

The night was still, but not as silent as I thought it would be. The water lapped at the edge of the lake, birds and animals called out in the forest. I carried on walking around the water, watching the ripples that appeared, wondering what lay under the surface to cause them. Then I noticed there was something moving slowly in the water. Floating at first but occasionally kicking along. It was a person. I sat down to watch, trying to go unseen as it came towards the shore.  
I knew her by the shape of her head and the braid on her shoulder as she sat up. The water ran down over her breasts. The curve of her waist was outlined by the moonlight; the skin shining on the rounds of her hips and belly, just as I had remembered. I felt strangely awkward, I had seen Katniss naked uncountable times, but this was illicit. She didn’t know I was here. It didn’t seem fair to her, but it was too late to leave, so I walked forward so she would see me too.

We didn’t speak, both aware of the dangers of calling attention to ourselves.  


It was a warm night, but I could see her shiver as she walked straight towards me. There was nothing else to give her, so I took off my shirt, to wrap her in. She walked straight up to me, allowing me to cover her shoulders with the thin material. She tilted her head up at me, and our lips met, as though they had arranged this meeting without our knowing. The kiss was our promise to each other confirmed; nobody was leaving. It was pure pleasure; the feel of her soft lips moving against mine. Her taste in my mouth again. “Is this real?” I had to check. She kept her breath on me as she spoke, her arms circling around my neck, pulling me in to her.  
“Yes.”  
The kiss took off again, becoming more heated.  
I pulled away.  
“Can I walk you home?” I kept my eyes on her, needing to see her face, to believe this was true.  
Eventually she met my gaze. “O.K.”

She found her clothes and dressed by the treeline. My shirt was wet, but I put it on anyway, wanting to wear it because it had held her body.  
I was trying not to be nervous as I held hands with my glistening nymph. “This is Katniss.” I tried to calm my mind. “Katniss who is grumpy until she’s eaten in the morning, who burns the toast, who deletes my TV shows off the planner.” It wasn’t working; all these memories of her imperfections just reminded me how much I wanted to have her, the real Katniss, back in my life.

She walked slowly, so that I could be more careful where I placed my feet. We didn’t speak until we reached her hut.  
I took a better look at it than I had the other day, when all I could see was stars. It was just a room with a bed, a table, a chair. A fire place had been made with a pipe for a chimney. No other sort of stove or fridge. How had she been surviving out here with nothing?

Her hand slipped up around my neck again, burrowing into my hair. She lay her cheek against my chest and breathed me in. I took the chance to unplait her hair, to trace the contours of her body.  
I wanted us to talk about what had happened. “It’s been so hard to stay away from you.”  
She gazed up at me and started to pepper my neck with kisses. It felt wonderful, but part of me also recognised Katniss’s favourite avoidance strategy.  
Maybe I would have to go in more slowly.  
“Have you been getting the food I sent down?”  
“mmmm,” She was kissing my jawline up to my ear now. “It’s delicious.”  
I couldn’t help myself from exploring her yielding body with my fingers as I tried to get her to talk.  
“The fresh game, has great flavours. I never knew you could hunt like that.”  
Her tongue was tracing around my ear and back down my neck, whilst her hand slipped under my shirt, her gentle touch around my belly button.  
“I had to teach myself.”  
My hands had also snuck onto her bare skin now, feeling the sinews of her back, tracing her waist, as it led me forwards to her hip bones.  
“How do you make such a clean kill?” it was hard to breathe.  
She unbuttoned my fly, and slipped her hand into my pants, her small palm, firm against my cock.  
Her hand closed around me, gently pumping, encouraging me to push into it.  
“Kentucky hunting rifle, it has the best accuracy over a long range,”  
Her mouth hovered in front of mine, our eyes locked together as my cock grew and hardened for her.  
“Fuck Katniss, do you know what you’re doing to me.”  
She hesitated, “Not really, no.”  
How could her face look so uncertain whilst she had me completely at her mercy.  
Her tongue on my lips stopped me asking any more questions. It was clear she didn’t want to talk.

Having removed her trousers and underwear, I lifted her up and lay her down on the edge of the bed; so I could gather her legs up on my shoulders. I took a moment to rest my face on her thigh, feeling her heat so close, taking in her scent before tasting her again. I separated her folds with my fingers before taking my first lick. It had been too long.  
She squeezed me in her thighs as she came. Such a beautiful sound, I had to do it again, until she was begging me for my cock, needing my depth to complete her.  
I had waited so long for this, I wasn’t going to rush. I knew how to make it sweet for her. We both had tears on our faces as we came together the first time. But our bodies soon brought us back to the various pleasures we could bring each other.  
Finally satisfied, she slept in my arms. Home at last.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When I woke the bed was cold and she was gone.  
With a resigned sigh I stretched myself and decided to just rest for a while. I realised I would have been more surprised if she had been there. I was happy. This was how it worked between us. I couldn’t ask for more.

Eventually, I had to get up and dressed. I did need to be careful not to do anything to blow the story. Was it too soon for me to be showing an interest in ‘Mel’? I couldn’t really think that anyone around here cared that much. Although I knew that some of these old men liked a bit of gossip as much as Madge Hawthorne. It made me think of our friends back home. Katniss must have been lonely out here. At least I had my visitors in prison.  
I wanted to leave her a message, but there was nothing to write on or with. How did she fill her time? I picked a dandelion and left it on her pillow before leaving.

XXXXXXX

Next day I sent some paper and a pencil down with the flask of stew.  
She didn’t write back. That wasn’t the way she did things. Instead she scared me half to death by slipping into my bed in the night.

I was dreaming about her, panicking that I’d lost her, and woke to find her there, stroking the hair off my forehead. “What was going on in your nightmare?” she asked.  
My answer made her sad.  
“I’m sorry I’ve hurt you so much.”  
The only answer to that was a kiss. “You haven’t hurt me Katniss. You’ve made me more than I ever would have been without you.”  
“I can’t believe that.”  
"You know Katniss, what happened did mean something in the end. You and Finnick have changed things."  
" I don't know if you can ever stop people doing evil things, abusing their power. But now victims feel they have more of a voice; they are more able to speak out about what's happening and believe that the truth will win out. They can become survivors too." 

I sat up and found my phone. “I have to show you something.”  
I found the picture I took at the station. “Annie had a baby. Finnick’s son; Finn.”  
She took the screen in her hand, staring into the picture as though trying to get more from it than it could give.  
“They’re all living together now. I think there might be something developing between Johanna and Delly actually. Now you’d have never put those two together.”  
“It looks like they’ve made themselves into a real family... I bet you’re a part of that family too.” She was wistful.

“Tell me about what happened after you left me.” I checked her quickly, and was relieved to see her face was teasing me.  
“I didn’t leave you.” I held her cheek gently before telling my story.  
She liked hearing about Beattie and Wiress.  
“You always make friends where ever you go. People warm to you.” I was favoured with a kiss for being Mr nice guy.   
But then she broke away, hiding her eyes from me.  
“I can’t ever go back, you know. But you can. You don’t have to stay with me. I’ll be O.K. I have Haymitch; and the forest.”  
I waited for her to look back up at me. My heart was pounding as I asked the question; dreading her reply.  
“So you have everything you need?”  
She knew what I wanted to know.  
Taking my hand she turned it over and held my palm to her face. “No. I need you.” she confessed.  
“Can't you see that’s what I want?” I replied. “You’re not holding me back from anything.”  
I got out of bed to reach into my jean pocket, and knelt at her feet, resting my hands on her thighs.  
“I brought this back to you. It’s my promise that I am yours; where ever you are, I will stay with you, for always.”  
She was crying as she took the pearl. It clearly brought back a lot of hard memories for her. It can’t have been easy to make the decisions she had. To sacrifice the life she knew and step out into the unknown. She had been on her own for a long time.  
“Thank you.”  
I climbed back into my single bunk with her. This time, we just held each other through the night.  
Alone we were both survivors, in our own very different ways. But together we had something worth surviving for.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I moved out to Katniss’s hut in the woods, getting up with the dawn to carry on with my job at the bar and bringing our dinner flask home for us to share in the evenings. Then Katniss would clean her rifle and I would think of recipes. Katniss suggested plants I could use from the forest as well as the meat she caught. She took me out into the forest, and taught me to see it through her eyes.  
The winter was hard. Katniss was hounded by the dark memories of losing her father and Prim. I persuaded her to move up to an empty cabin nearer the lake with electricity and plumbing. I remembered how she told me Johanna had helped her hold it together in the past, and got her to come and help me at the bar. She was just about managing to keep going through the motions until she found an old guitar. She wouldn’t sing in public, but she brought it back with her and our home was now filled with music.  
As the days grew lighter her mood lifted again. At the end of March it was Katniss who remembered it would be Posy’s 4th birthday and suggested we make another book together.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Curls of her long, dark hair hung over her face as she read through our finished work. Her frown left and she smiled. “That’s a good one.”  
She put the book on the shelf with the others; five in all.

“It’s a shame Posy will never get to see them.”  
I pulled her onto my knee to ask the question I had asked for the last 3 years.  
“Maybe we should give them to another child?”  
“Maybe…?” She stroked my cheek.  
“Katniss..?”  
“I think I might have changed…” she gave a defensive laugh.

A surge of joy ran through me and I hugged her into my body. My lips found the skin at the base of her neck, my favourite place. I ran my nose up her neck to take in her scent; the fresh smells of the forest air, concentrated in the warmth behind her ear. She leaned her head back to allow me to graze on her. I knew she was thinking; I wouldn’t rush her.  
Slowly her hands came up and started to unbutton her blouse.  
I worked my way down her neck and continued my mouths journey onto her soft breasts. She gave a small gasp as I nipped her before tending to her nipples with my tongue. She arched herself forward for more. This was the sign I had been waiting for.  
Gathering her in my arms I carried her through to our bed.  
We were going to make a baby! I had to try to contain myself. I knew it probably wouldn’t happen straight away, but I couldn’t help but thinking that there was also a chance it might.  
Katniss was wet with desire; as excited as I was.  
We tumbled together, laughing as we clumsily removed our clothes, until, at last she held my cock and slowly slid herself down onto me.  
I hadn’t had this feeling, no barrier between my cock and her moist pussy, since the night I had found her in the lake. She had been in such a panic then, at the thought she could have conceived a child, that we always used a condom. Haymitch had complained that this is how we would be discovered, the surge in sales of condoms from the bar would raise suspicion, he moaned.  
“Katniss.” I was in awe of her beauty. Her skin was flushing, her eyes wide, her breasts taut. I had to reach out to glide my thumb over them as my other hand curved around her behind. I knew she liked when I touched her there when she was coming, though she was too pure to ask me to do it.  
She ran her fingers over her clit, making her walls hard against my cock, I couldn’t help but thrust up hard into her, my fingertips gripping into her thighs, she clung onto my wrists as she threw her head back.  
“Don’t stop,” She breathed, her voice catching as she started to come.  
I couldn’t stop.  
I ran my hands up her back, pulling her towards me so I could suck hard on her nipple as I dipped a finger into her rear. Her hips ground into me as she moaned my name into my hair.  
I rolled her over and pushed myself up to look at her again. Her hair was loose around her beaming face, her chest heaving as she panted.  
“Happy?” I checked unnecessarily.  
“Very.” She giggled, music to my ears to hear her sound so carefree.  
“Peeta. You are so beautiful.” I thought she must be getting the line in before me. I was very predictable.  
Laughing, I leaned down to kiss her cheek, “I think you are teasing me, Katniss Everdeen.”  
And with that, I pushed myself into her again, slowly at first until she urged me on to go harder, thinking about filling her with our child.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Even with my eyes closed I could tell it was nearly dawn. I could feel Katniss stirring as she lay across my chest, so I wrapped my arm tight around her shoulders to hold her to me. I wouldn’t let her leave this time.  
“Tell me?” I asked her gently.  
“What have we done? “ I opened my eyes at her scared voice.  
“It won’t be safe, the baby. I can’t be a mother.”  
I kissed her head as she rested her cheek on me, staring ahead, looking into the face of her fears.  
“What do you think a baby needs to keep it safe?” I asked.  
She stopped worrying to consider the question.  
“Warmth, food, love.”  
“Our baby will be the safest child that ever lived. No one loves like you do Katniss.”  
We lay together peacefully for a while.

“You can always find the right words Peeta.”  
I smiled down at her, catching her with another kiss.  
She reached up earnestly to hold my face.  
“I love you.”  
At last I realised my doubts had gone.  
I knew in my heart that she really meant it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should write something to say goodbye. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and leaving comments and Kudos.


End file.
